Will You Accept this Prose?

TW: Unfortunately, one contestant makes a joke about sexual assault, and we had to briefly discuss it.

 

If the title didn’t tell ya, Ryan M. sucks so hard. We’re onto a season of The Bachelorette, and it starts out very rough. We’ll break down the terrible two-part season 11 premier, and do our best to give you hope that this season is even slightly worth your attention. We meet the bachelorette(s), Britt Nilsson and Kaitlyn Bristowe, and a menagerie of fools. We’re back, we’re funnier, the show we’re watching is worse.

 

Featured Topics: Kaitlyn’s bathroom break(?), a capella Chippendales, and the many ways in which Ryan M. sucks

At long last we have reached the end of Jason Mesnick's season of The Bachelor! In the last proper episode of the season, Jason returns to the Bachelor studio to discuss his new, controversial relationship as everyone else mercilessly dunks on him. Finally, we get to answer the question on everyone's mind. Jason Mesnick: Dud or stud?

 

Featured Topics: Everybody Hates Jason, BNWE (Bachelor Nation Wrestling Entertainment), and a great hero returns for the last time

Bad news, guys: he chose Melissa, but he didn’t want to fight for Melissa. Join us for this terrifically uncomfortable experience, as we witness the death and resurrection of the phoenix that is Jason Mesnick’s love life.

 

Featured Topics: Max reveals his true identity, Kenzi ruins it a little, and both of them question their faith in Chris Harrison

Heads up, everybody. This is a bumpy recap of an even bumpier season finale. In this episode, Molly and Melissa meet Jason's family, and Jason finally chooses his wife(?). Oh! Also, Max takes an irreverent look at some childhood traumas.

 

Featured Topics: THE CLONES, How I Didn't Meet Melissa's Mother, and Miracle on Frisbee Street

Settle in for all the dark and seedy truths behind Jason Mesnick’s season of The Bachelor. In this episode, we get a lot of good time with not a lot of the contestants as they tell us what really happened in the Bachelor Mansion.

 

Featured Topics: Natalie, I Know What You Did in that Tent, and a returning hero

Jason Mesnick can’t help but wonder: do these girls just wanna have fun? There’s no better time to ask than on Sex Week! 3 women, 3 Fantasy Suites, 3 weeks of sexual recovery for Jason.

 

Featured Topics: Jason’s contemplative stunt, Return of the BumpIt, and Jason’s first ALMOST good suit

Watch out for that dove! Buckle up for the whackiest hometown in Bachelor history! Jason goes to visit three women’s families, and one woman’s shitty friend group.

 

Featured topics: grandma’s boxers, dad’s beer hat, and mom’s dead dove

Cry along with us as we discuss the saddest episode in Bachelor history. 5 women go to Seattle. 3 women go on the radio. 1 woman goes to Dick’s Sporting Goods. 1 hero goes home. We’ve got a lot to talk about.

 

Featured topics: Oops! All Scarves, what to call the contestants, and tonsil play

Lauren will be pissed if you give anyone but her a rose.

 

Featured topics: love songs we hate, a prideful walk of shame, and So Nikki Thinks She Can Dance

If you thought the contestants of Jason Mesnick’s season of The Bachelor were being sexualized before, just wait until you get a load of this! You’ll learn a lot about female anatomy and just a little about Natalie.

 

Featured topics: boobs for sale, shoulder checking, and a $1 million necklace