Prince William lightened the mood at Trump’s Windsor arrival with the quip, “This is my dad,” before a lavish state banquet filled with s’more-inspired cocktails, tiaras, and a 52-yard table. Trump sat between Charles and Kate, praising her beauty multiple times in remarks that left royal watchers cringing, while body language experts noted he looked oddly subservient beside the Princess of Wales. Observers spotted makeup covering bruises on his hand, prompting questions after the Royal Family posted an unedited photo. Princess Anne was absent from the Trump pageantry—naturally, she was busy working in Scotland. And one columnist summed it up: Trump desperately wants to be British, but only Melania might actually pass the test.

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