We're talking about the greatest rivalry the field of paleontology has ever seen: Edward Drinker Cope vs. Othniel Marsh, two men with differing views on how exactly velociraptors painted their nails.

Why did Keyboard Cat cross the road? So he could cash in on a totally sweet advertising gig, of course. Selling pistachios, of course.

On this episode of Footnotes, we cry havoc and let slip the locusts of war. You see, god regrets inventing cauliflower because it's really icky, and he has the tools to eradicate it. Namely locusts. And maybe nine other plagues unleashed upon Egypt.

On this episode of Footnotes, Missy Elliott tries to get me to drink Sprite while in the digital realm Donkey Kong throws barrels of beer at a lady who just wanted some whiskey.

We're confronting enemies within and without. First, the infamous Pied Piper and his distant relative Paula Deen. One of them endangers children, and the other is the Pied Piper.

So you will find a special Star Wars episode of Footnotes, in which I trace a few of the many cultural and historical influences on the films.

We're talking about caffeine, specifically how you can thank goats for discovering the wonders of coffee and why if you want a nice web you should give a spider LSD before you give it a cup of tea.

This week on Footnotes, we ask: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No one, because the giant squid have murdered everybody.

This week on Footnotes, I accidentally prove that unicorns hitched a ride on Noah's ark and demonstrate how the ordinary UPC more than likely isn't the mark of the beast.

Hard to believe it's been another year. Well, that's misleading. Footnotes has only been on the air since July. But that doesn't mean we can't compile a blooper episode. It's less labor-intensive for me anyway.