Wisdom Wednesday: Aging Wisdom's Podcast

It's Falls Prevention Awareness Week -- September 18-24.  We'll be taking the conversation beyond the week in a series of 6 podcasts with our colleagues Sheila McKannay, Certified Care Manager, and Keri Pollock, Director of Marketing and Communications.

Falls are not a normal part of aging. It's a great time to engage friends and family in an assessment of your home.   

Here are a few tips to get you started:

• Keep floors and walkways clear of clutter and tripping hazards (shoes, boxes, pet accessories, your purse, books and magazines, etc.)

• Remove  or secure throw rugs; move furniture from walking pathways

• Improve visibility through interior and exterior lighting 

• Clip or tape cords securely to walls or floors

• Outside: Repair and mark uneven thresholds with contrasting tape or paint

You can reduce your risk of falling with regular exercise, reviewing medications with a health care provider, getting your eyes checked annually, and making your home safer by improving lighting and cleaning tripping hazards.

Could you benefit from a Falls Risk Assessment? Schedule a free, get-acquainted call today with one of Aging Wisdom's Certified Care Managers today to explore the benefits.

Resources

• Six Steps to Prevent a Fall (and Injury)
• Get a Leg Up on Falls Prevention
• Falls Prevention, Assessment, and Evaluating Risk

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Worried about your parents and fighting with you siblings over their care? Even families who get along well will experience disagreements and intensified emotions from time to time when it comes to mom and dad.

If finding a path forward with your siblings is adding to the stress of helping your parents, try some of ideas, offered in Helpful Links, below.

Aging Life Care professionals, aka Care Managers can serve as that neutral, unbiased expert in getting everyone on the same page and moving forward on addressing the issues the are causing concern.

If you live in the greater Seattle area, schedule a get-acquainted call with us at Aging Wisdom to explore how we can be help.  Or, to find an Aging Life Care professional in your area, click on the link below.

Helpful Links:

• Should I Move Mom? a free Aging Wisdom University online mini-course
• When an ailing parent needs more care, sibling conflicts can arise and add to stress (article: Washington Post)
• Can Freedom and Safety Co-exist? (original content on Aging Wisdom's blog)
• Find an Aging Life Care professional (aka Care Manager) near you

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Picking Your Battles: We cannot wrap our parents or others we care about in bubble wrap to keep them perfectly safe nor can we sit by idly allowing dad to put others at risk by driving beyond the point of doing it safely.  How can we best help them? 

Let go of the perfectionist standard you are putting on your loved one's situation.  What's most important is safety.  Finding balance between honoring independence and inserting safety is not always easy.

The best approach to getting your parents the support they need is to start small.  Don't overwhelm them with lots of help. To start small, work your way up, and you'll have a lot more success in the long run. 

Starting small might include something like:

• Offering to have housekeeping assistance once a week
• Hiring a landscaping company to maintain the yard
• Transportation assistance to appointments and/or outings
• Grocery delivery to the home and/or hiring a chef to prepare meals
• Companionship care like an Aging Wisdom Creative Engagement Specialist
• Bringing in a professional caregiver once a week for a few hours to assist with medication management, bathing assistance, meals 

Need guidance on the delicate dance of balancing independence and autonomy with safety?  That's an area of expertise for our team. Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers. 

Helpful Links:

• Can freedom and safety co-exist? 
• Should I Move Mom?  an Aging Wisdom University online mini-course
• What is Aging Life Care? 
• Ambiguous Loss pioneered by Pauline Boss, Ph.D.

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Last week we talked about the mix of emotions around helping our parents, as well as setting healthy boundaries.

Caregiving is hard work. Managing it all can be challenging, on top of everything else: work, other family relationships, personal commitments, and finding time for yourself.

In the midst of it all, we need to remind ourselves to take time to engage in a mood shifter that can become a mood lifter. These are the little things we can do throughout the course of a tough day to help put it all in perspective. Not get burnt out. Lift our mood.

In this short excerpt from a longer conversation on helping our aging parents, Lisa Mayfield shares that she loves to crank music, dance and sing! It's energizing and effective.

Here are some other ways to shift and lift your mood: Top Tips You Should Know to Manage Caregiver Stress

Feeling a bit overwhelmed? Struggling with your journey as a family caregiver? We can help! Schedule a free get-acquainted call with us today.

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Have you ever tried talking with your parent or partner about concerns you have regarding their health or memory? Were your concerns dismissed, minimized, or completely shut down?

In this episode of Aging Parents: What You Need to Know, Lisa Mayfield, Founder and Principal, Aging Wisdom, talks with Joanie Parsons, RevelEleven, about this common challenge.

As Aging Life Care professionals, we address this issue frequently: the person you care about may be experiencing "lack of insight."

Lack of insight is the result of changes in the part of the brain that helps manage judgement, as well as self- and situational-awareness. These brain changes impact their ability to see the changes or to recognize that they need help.

Lisa referenced an earlier part of this conversation, which was last week's Wisdom Wednesday podcast: How to Start the Conversation About Health Concerns.

You may find this article helpful in understanding what this means and tips for new approaches in communication: My Mom Refuses to Accept Help! Lack of Insight May Be the Reason

Need a guide and coach to help navigate these changes and make strides forward? Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call to explore options with one of our Certified Care Managers.  

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Do you find you are experiencing a mixed range of emotions when it comes to your aging parents? It's not uncommon to feel guilt, calm, sadness, anger, joy, resentment, love, and exhaustion at the same time.

In this excerpt of a fuller discussion -- Aging Parents: What You Need to Know -- Lisa Mayfield, Founder and Principal, Aging Wisdom, talks with Joanie Parsons, RevelEleven, about how to set health boundaries and best address time challenges. These healthy boundaries help to keep emotions in balance too.

Don't risk burning yourself out. You may find this eBook -- Burnout Can Happen to Anyone -- helpful!

Take the Caregiver Burnout Quiz to find out if your flame is about to fizzle. 

Feeling overwhelmed with your journey as a family caregiver? We can help! Schedule a free get-acquainted call with us today.

Additional Reading

• Family Caregivers, Don't Let Your Flame Fizzle

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Talking with our parent/s or others we care about regarding their health or other topics of concern can be difficult.  And it can often be met with resistance or dismissal.

But it's necessary and important, especially if you are seeing worrisome signs of cognitive or physical change.

In this excerpt from Aging Parents: What You Need to Know , Lisa Mayfield, Founder and Principal of Aging Wisdom, and Joanie Parsons of RevelEleven, touch on how to open up the conversation about your concerns.

Lisa finds that starting the conversation by talking about plans for the future is a positive step to get the ball rolling. It's far less scary to talk about things in the future versus the present. Even if your parents need help now, even if you have concerns now, phrasing the conversation about the future can open a pathway to conversation about their thoughts, preferences, and desires.

Not sure where to begin? We are experts at coaching and supporting family care partners! CLICK HERE to schedule a get-acquainted call with a Certified Care Manager and get the conversation started.

Additional Reading:

• When Your Parent Refuses Help: How to move forward
• The Dance: finding Balance with Helping an Aging Parent
• What is Aging Life Care?

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This is an evergreen topic. It's not unusual for adult children to engage us for consultation  when they become aware of uncharacteristic changes in an older person they care about and/or are concerned about their safety. 

In this excerpt from a Zoom conversation (recorded December 2021, hence the references to COVID), our founder and principal, Lisa Mayfield, talks with Joanie Parsons of RevelEleven, about older people in our lives and what we should be aware of in support of their well-being. 

Lisa and Joanie talk about the more common signs that older adults you care about may be experiencing health or memory changes or thinking problems. 

Changes and signs that trigger concern may include, but aren't limited to:

• Mail piling up or in complete disarray. Bills going unpaid. Utilities being turned off due to lack of payment.
• Managing finances is becoming a challenge, which is unusual for your Dad, who is a retired accountant.
• Spoiled or sparse food in the refrigerator. Many items in the pantry are well past their expiration date. There's no evidence of meal preparation other than an open bag of store-bought cookies on the counter. Perhaps there's noticeable weight loss.
• Parents who were once active and engaged socially are isolating at home or doing less. 
• Driving is a concern.  Dad's getting lost in familiar places. Or your parents' car has an excessive number of scraps and dents which your father can't explain and your mom dismisses as minor. 

Not sure what your next steps should be? We’ve helped hundreds of families navigate these concerns and changes. Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

Additional Reading & Resources

• Seven Signs an Older Loved One May Need Help
• Retiring the Keys
• Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Management and Planning Services

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Lack of insight is one reason an older adult may be resistant to accepting help and support. They simply don’t see the need. They are not aware of the changes that others are seeing nor how they could benefit from assistance. 

With anosognosia, or lack of insight, the frontal lobe of the brain is impaired. The frontal lobe is responsible for higher cognitive functions such as memory, reasoning, social understanding, executive functioning, impulse control, problem solving, social interaction, and motor function. 

The person experiencing lack of insight is unaware of their condition.

It’s not unusual for family members to misinterpret their loved one’s lack of insight or awareness as denial.  Denial is a coping mechanism, a psychological response to something that is uncomfortable or difficult to accept. It is not anosognosia though on the surface they may resemble one another in how someone reacts to certain situations.

In these situations, Aging Wisdom helps families understand these changes and work with them. We guide you in how to shift your perspective, expectations, and approach as you provide the person in your care with the support they need.

Challenged by a parent’s lack of awareness and not sure how to move forward? We can help. If you live in the greater Seattle or Bellevue area, schedule a free get-acquainted call with us at Aging Wisdom to explore how we can be a support.

READ MORE HERE: My Mom Refuses to Accept Help! Lack of Insight May Be the Reason

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Reluctance to spend money is often one of the top barriers to getting parents the help they need.  Money discussions can be uncomfortable, especially with our parents.

Our parents have worked hard. They’ve invested wisely and saved diligently. And now, when they may need it most, they refuse to spend the money they’ve saved on themselves.

This is a common dilemma for many families. A parent who needs and can benefit greatly from support in their home or by moving to a supportive living environment says “No!” to the idea.

We have worked with hundreds of families through the years in similar circumstances. By applying the tips in the blog below, you can thoughtfully open the conversation, soften their hesitation, address their concerns, and take step forward to provide your parents with the care and support they deserve: Parents Reluctant to Spend Money on Their Own Care

Still not sure how to move the conversation forward? We can help! Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers to help nudge to discussion forward. 

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