Wisdom Wednesday: Aging Wisdom's Podcast

As our parents grow older, changes in cognition  can be subtle and easy to dismiss. Don't deny or overlook the  changes as that may compromise your parent's safety and well-being. 

Instead, look at the changes as an opportunity to start a conversation about the future. Frame the discussion around asking your parents what they would like to do if and when something changes.

So often we got down that River of Denial because we find the changes difficult to accept. Or we fast forward far into the future, thinking changes in memory or thinking mean mom or dad needs to move to memory care.  But that's just not the case.

Encourage your parent to visit their doctor. This can help rule out other, possibly reversible causes of changes in cognition. If your parent is diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) or is in the early stages of Alzheimer's or another dementia, there are things you can do now to support independence, safety, and autonomy.

There are also many outlets for social and creative engagement. We are fortunate, as well, to have so many dementia-inclusive programs and activities in our state, some are accessible online (we've included links below).

This also gives you time to get educated and research how best to move forward.

You may benefit from downloading our Seven Signs Your Parent May Need Help resource guide.

Not sure what your next steps should be? We've helped hundreds of families navigate these changes and prepare for the future. Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

RESOURCES

• Check out our Aging Wisdom blog, other podcasts, and online university for information relevant to your family's situation.
• University of Washington Memory & Brain Wellness Center (UWMBWC)
• The Memory Hub, a program of the UWMBWC
• Greenwood Senior Center Memory Loss Programs
• Elderwise
• The Frye Art Museum's Creative Aging programs
• King County Library System (KCLS) events for older adults (55+)

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Our Aging Life Care Professionals, AKA Care Managers, wear many hats and their roles are multifaceted.  Additionally, the services and supports they provide are not cookie cutter solutions, but tailored to each client's needs, finances, and goals.

In this first in a series of five podcasts with our colleague Tami Sandygren, she reflects on the depth and breadth of the Care Manager role, and how we not only work with clients and their families, but also with allied professionals.

Could you benefit from a team- and tailored-approach to care planning?  Click here to schedule a get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

Additional Reading:

• What is Aging Life Care?
• Assembling Your Support Team
• Subscribe to the Aging Wisdom blog

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It’s tax season and the con artists are hard at work trying to scam you and separate you from your money.

“The IRS does not email, text, or call you. If the IRS needs to communicate with you because there's a problem with your taxes, they send you a letter -- snail mail, good old US mail. It's part of the government,” says Herb.

“They do not contact you any other way, and they don't ask you for instantaneous payments on the phone, or ‘you’ve got to pay us right now’ in any way, shape, or form, in any manner of currency. It's just not the way it works.”

“The only time the IRS may ever call you is if you're in the middle of a negotiation with them, and you've already had something ongoing, and they may call or email you. But never the first contact. The first contact from government agencies -- whether that's Medicare, Social Security, the Internal Revenue Service -- the initial contact is always via US mail. “

“If it comes in any other form of digital communication or the phone, it is a scam! Run away as fast as you can before they steal your money!” 

Herb’s Final Tip in this digital world: “There's no undo button if you give somebody your so security number if you type in your bank account number. Whatever it is and push submit. It's gone. There's no getting it back. So you have to stop and think on the front end if you're not sure just put them on hold.”

 Links to Consumers’ Checkbook articles from Herb:

·      Fraud Alert: Customer Service Imposter Scams

·      Fraud Alert: Phone Scams Involving Amazon Impersonators Are Skyrocketing

ABOUT HERB WEISBAUM: After 22 years and about 6,500 daily consumer tips, recently Herb hung up his headset for the last time and retired from Northwest Newsradio (KNWN). Thankfully, he’s still writing for Consumers’ Checkbook and hosting their bi-weekly Consumerpedia podcast. If you visit Herb’s ConsumerMan website, you can sign up for his free weekly newsletter and stay up to date on the latest consumer news. 

What Do I Do If I Suspect Elder Abuse, Neglect, or Exploitation? If you are concerned about a vulnerable adult, call 911 or your local adult protective services agency. In Washington State, call 866-END-HARM.

Not sure what to do next? Contact Aging Wisdom and one of our Aging Life Care Professionals can provide expert consultation and care management. With an objective perspective on the situation, we facilitate difficult family discussions and decision-making to address these and other concerns. To meet with an Aging Wisdom Aging Life Care Professional, schedule a free, get-acquainted call.

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In this episode, ConsumerMan Herb Weisbaum has urgent, important advice regarding scam calls.  Any of us can be scammed!

If you find yourself being pressured by a caller asking for personal information such as a bank card or Social Security number, or insisting you pay a bill with gift cards, HANG UP!  These are professional criminals. They know how to use emotion and fear to get consumers to do what they demand.

"There's almost nothing in this world I can think of that has to be done instantaneously or it's gone forever," Herb warns.

In reference to a caller pressuring you, "You can always go back. You can always pick it up later. Anybody tells you 'it's now or never,' or 'you  need to give me your Social Security number,' or 'give me that card number now or it's over,' just say 'Bye!'" 

“There’s nothing wrong with hanging up. You don’t have to be polite. There’s a feeling of empowerment with hanging up. They’re criminals. They’re the lowest form of being on Earth and have no conscience whatsoever. They would steal money from their mother.”

"If you're not sure about something, call and ask someone.  Talk to your more cyber- savvy child. Talk to your grandkid. Talk to a trusted neighbor or friend," encourages Herb. "Contact the Better Business Bureau.  Call the state Attorney General's office, call the AARP Fraud Watch Network." These are people you can check with. 

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Our special guest again this week (and for the next two episodes) is ConsumerMan Herb Weisbaum, one of America’s top consumer experts. Known nationally as ConsumerMan, Herb’s been protecting consumers for more than 40 years.  Check below for Herb’s website and newsletter information.

Herb does a lot of stories that look out for older adults. ConsumerMan is a font of well-researched, practical information and alerts that help make us wiser consumers:

Romance scams: If you’re in love with someone you’ve never met in person, “odds are these days you’ve fallen in love with a criminal,” Herb said. “The picture is bogus. All the stuff they tell you is bogus. What they’ll do is tell you that they’re overseas and the pitch is ‘I’m a savvy crypto investor. I’ll send you screenshots of all the money I’ve made, and I want you to make that money as well. So that when we finally get together, we’re going to live in the lap of luxury.’” He continued: “Before you know it, they’ve drained your bank account. I’ve spoken with people who have lost their life savings over a romance scam, and they’ll never see their money again. If somebody starts asking for money in any form, you should run for the hills as fast as you possibly can.” 

• Read this AARP Fraud Watch article for more information: 10 Telltale Signs of a Romance Scam

 Password managers and two-factor authentication: “Passwords are the key to our lives and most people use horrible passwords because they’re hard to remember,” Herb said. “Simple passwords can all be cracked by con artists in seconds. The mistake people make is using a lousy password and using it repeatedly. You need a strong password, 10 to 12 characters long.” Herb continued: “You can either write passwords down and keep them by your desk; the odds of somebody breaking into your house and getting those passwords is significantly lower than somebody breaking into your account if your password is 123abc.  

A password manager is a tool that you access from your computer. The password manager can create and store strong passwords and create different passwords for each of your accounts. And if you want the password manager on multiple devices, it’s a very small fee.” 

Herb also encourages readers to use two-factor authentication with any important accounts. That means that, before you can log on, you will either get a telephone call, text message, or e-mail with a unique code that is used for authentication. According to Herb, accounts with two-factor authentication are 99.9 percent hackproof. 

• For more information, read Herb’s article, How to Create and Easily Store Secure Passwords

ABOUT HERB WEISBAUM: After 22 years and about 6,500 daily consumer tips, recently Herb hung up his headset for the last time and retired from Northwest Newsradio (KNWN). Thankfully, he’s still writing for Consumers’ Checkbook and hosting their bi-weekly Consumerpedia podcast. If you visit Herb’s ConsumerMan website, you can sign up for his free weekly newsletter and stay up to date on the latest consumer news.

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

Our special guest this week (and for upcoming episodes) is ConsumerMan Herb Weisbaum, one of America’s top consumer experts. Known nationally as ConsumerMan, Herb’s been protecting consumers for more than 40 years.  Check below for Herb’s website and newsletter information.

Herb does a lot of stories that look out for older adults. ConsumerMan is a font of well-researched, practical information and alerts that help make us wiser consumers:

• Scammers, fraudsters, and consumer protection: One story Herb did recently was about digital coupons. You may think that if you have the club card from that store, you’re going to get the digital price automatically. You’re not—unless you load that digital coupon into your account. Grocery retailers are making millions and millions of dollars on people who think they’re saving money when they’re not. 
• Herb published two articles on this topic: 
  • Supermarkets’ Digital Offers Leave Tech-Challenged Senior Without Valuable Discounts  
  • Consumer Advocates Urge Supermarkets to Stop Digital Discount Discrimination
• Protect your personal information*: Herb warns us not to give out personal information unless we’ve initiated the phone call or initiated the online experience. “No one should ever need your password, PIN code, or login information,” he said. “A lot of criminals right now are pretending to be customer service representatives. Some of these scammers will contact you on the phone and say ‘Hi, I’m calling from Amazon. There’s a problem with your account.’ Some of them will send out email or text messages saying they’re from your bank. Don’t click on links in the email! But do click on the links below to learn more about these scams.” 
• Read Herb’s Fraud Alert articles on this topic: 
  • Fraud Alert: Customer Service Imposter Scams
  • Fraud Alert: Phone Scams Involving Amazon Impersonators Are Skyrocketing

*PLEASE NOTE: We'll cover Password Managers and Two-Factor Authentication in next week's Wisdom Wednesday podcast with Herb.

ABOUT HERB WEISBAUM: After 22 years and about 6,500 daily consumer tips, recently Herb hung up his headset for the last time and retired from Northwest Newsradio (KNWN). Thankfully, he’s still writing for Consumers’ Checkbook and hosting their bi-weekly Consumerpedia podcast. If you visit Herb’s ConsumerMan website, you can sign up for his free weekly newsletter and stay up to date on the latest consumer news.

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

Sometimes families don’t have a good system of communication. Having an objective third party, such as an Aging Life Care professional (AKA Care Manager), guide the conversation can help improve communication. 

At other times, families can feel overwhelmed and as if their issues are insurmountable. An experienced Care Manager as a navigator can help bring down the anxiety level and help families see that they're not alone.  

Everyone who facilitates a meeting might do it differently, but as Lisa Mayfield shares, when she’s facilitating a meeting, the ground rules are:

• Everybody listens.
• Everyone has a chance to speak. 
• Everyone gets to be heard. 
• No interrupting when somebody is speaking. 
• No one leaves the room in the middle of a meeting. 

As Lisa acknowledges, “What tends to happen is people might get emotional whether they’re sad or angry, and their first reaction is to run. I set up in the beginning that people need to stay to the end. But I also remind people at the beginning that emotions will come up.  When you’re caring for a parent, it’s really emotional. I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a family meeting where somebody didn’t cry or get angry, that emotions come up, and I like them to know that that will happen so that they’re not surprised by it. And if I tell them that will happen it sort of normalizes it.”

Family meetings are effective. Having everyone in the same room, with a skilled person facilitating the conversation can make a huge difference. Sometimes it takes several meetings, depending upon the level of conflict, the number of unresolved issues, and how much people need to talk and be heard.  

Nicole Amico Kane reflects “I think it can be helpful for the Care Manager to put some structure on the meetings. For a lot of families, that may very well be the first time in a while that they’ve all gotten together around the same table, talking about what their concerns are for their parent. Without some structure in place, those meetings could go on and on and ultimately be unproductive. So that’s where the Care Manager comes in to really help with that, to keep everyone on task, and to make sure everyone has an opportunity for their point of view to be heard. And it’s not just one or two people dominating the conversation. So, we certainly can help with that.“ 

“And then the other thing I think can be helpful is just making sure that there‘s some priority setting. Oftentimes there’s a lot that gets shared, and sometimes it’s too much to be dealt with in one meeting. So, we can help pay attention to everything that’s being discussed and ultimately help the family recognize that we may not solve all those problems today so let’s just focus on a few priorities.”

Family conversations and finding common ground about what's best for your parent isn’t always easy. With the help of a neutral professional such as an Aging Life Care Professional (aka Geriatric Care Manager), you can improve communication, as well as prioritize solutions.

Schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Care Managers by CLICKING HERE. 

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 Family meetings are a positive way to initiate conversations with siblings about someone in your mutual care. For some, this may serve as a starting point.

Family meetings are also a great way to facilitate communication between family members and build consensus about next steps in a situation that may be escalating.

Through a family meeting, everyone is getting the same information at the same time. There are opportunities for questions and clarification. And it’s also a conversation where family members can comfortably and safely share.

In this week’s podcast, Lisa and Nicole reflect on how Care Managers facilitate family meetings and consultations and can help siblings settle differences, come to consensus, and feel heard in the midst of difficult decisions and challenging dynamics. 

Struggling with siblings over decisions impacting your parent/s? We can serve as a neutral, unbiased navigator to help your family find agreement and move forward. Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with a Certified Care Manager to get the conversation started.

Resources and Additional Reading

• When an ailing parent needs more care, sibling conflicts can arise and add to stress (article: Washington Post)
• Clash of the Siblings: How to navigate family dynamics when your parent needs help (Aging Wisdom blog article)
• Surviving and Soothing Sibling Strife When Caring for Aging Parents (Aging Wisdom blog article)

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When there's family conflict, Care Managers serve as a neutral third party that provides an unbiased assessment of the situation and guidance to families on the best options moving forward.

In this episode, Lisa and Nicole share the many ways an Aging Life Care professional (AKA Care Manager) can 

• help diffuse family disagreements
• offer support in communication and advocacy 
• provide effective navigation through a myriad of challenges and symptoms
• make recommendations based on our knowledge and experience

And as Lisa reflects, sometimes the missing piece is a good system of communication. Having someone like a Care Manager who can assist the family in finding effective ways to communicate with one another and create ways of sharing information helps to fill in the information gaps and provide all family members with the same information about a parent.

Diffusing family disagreements and finding common ground about what's best for your parent isn’t always easy. With the help of an objective professional such as an Aging Life Care Professional (aka Geriatric Care Manager), you can find balance, as well as solutions.

Schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Care Managers by CLICKING HERE.

Additional Reading

• What is an Aging Life Care Manager?
• Alzheimer's and the Family Caregiver
• Clash of the Siblings: How to navigate family dynamics when your parent needs help

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A lack of insight or awareness is when a person living with a form dementia or a brain injury is unable to recognize changes in their behavior and emotions. 

Adult children may interpret this as a parent being difficult or in denial. However, the part of the brain that is damaged, often by Alzheimer's, Lewy Body dementia, or a stroke, is what is affecting the individual's inability to see these changes. It is related to loss of activity in areas in the front of a person’s brain, known as the frontal lobes. 

According to The Cleveland Clinic, the frontal lobes are responsible for reasoning, social understanding, executive functioning, voluntary muscle movements, and learning and recalling information. 

Damage to the frontal lobes can result in the inability to plan a sequence of complex movements needed to complete multi-stepped tasks, loss of spontaneity in interacting with others, perseveration, inability to focus on a task and to filter out distractions, mood fluctuations, difficulty problem solving or inhibiting or controlling a response or impulse, reduced awareness or insight into difficulties,  as well a changes in social behavior and/or personality.

Challenged by a parent's lack of awareness and not sure how to move forward? If you live in the greater Seattle-Bellevue area, schedule a free get-acquainted call with us at Aging Wisdom to explore how we can be a support.

Resources and Additional Reading

• My Mom Refuses to Accept Help! Lack of Insight May Be the Reason
• Seven Signs an Older Loved One May Need Help
• What is Aging Life Care?

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