Wisdom Wednesday: Aging Wisdom's Podcast

Family disagreements are common as adult siblings navigate a parent's journey with aging.

Aging Wisdom's Director of Care Management, Nicole Amico Kane, joins our principal and founder, Lisa Mayfield, in a conversation about how and why family members have different perspectives and varying degrees of comfort with a parent's choices and preferences, and why that can lead to conflicts.

Aging Life Care professionals, aka Care Managers can serve as that neutral, unbiased expert in getting everyone on the same page and moving forward on addressing the issues that are causing concern.

If you live in the greater Seattle area, schedule a get-acquainted call with us at Aging Wisdom to explore how we can be help.

Resources and Additional Reading

• Clash of the Siblings: How to navigate family dynamics when your parent needs help (Aging Wisdom blog article) 
• Surviving and Soothing Sibling Strife When Caring for Aging Parents  (Aging Wisdom blog article)
• Can freedom and safety co-exist?  (Aging Wisdom blog article) https://agingwisdom.com/can-freedom-and-safety-co-exist/ 
• When an ailing parent needs more care, sibling conflicts can arise and add to stress (article: Washington Post)

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Our colleague Wendy Nathan, along with Sandra Cook, Regional VP at Aegis Living, wrap up this series by talking about caregiver guilt and the need to make time for self-care.

Caregiver guilt is normal and a complicated emotion.  You will likely experience moments of self-doubt, stress, exhaustion, and times of feeling overwhelmed, even frustrated. Again, that's all normal. Be aware, however, of caregiver burnout. Click here to take our Caregiver Burnout Quiz.

We encourage caregivers to find healthy ways to manage guilt before it turns into burnout. That's why self-care is so essential.

What's best for the person in your care (despite their protests)? Are they safe? Comfortable?  Creatively and social engaged?  Check out this article on Creativity, Connection, and Dementia from our colleague Juliet Powell to spark some ideas.

When it comes to self-care, it can be as simple as a walk around the block, a bubble bath, or a dance party! Here are some surefire ways to jumpstart self-care and recharge your batteries: Family Caregivers: Don't Let Your Flame Fizzle!

Feeling a bit overwhelmed? Struggling with your journey as a family caregiver? We can help! Schedule a free get-acquainted call with us today.

Additional Reading

• Self-Care is Not Selfish: It's Essential for Family Caregiver Well-Being
• The Dance: Finding Balance When Helping an Aging Parent

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Every situation has its own variables, just as each family has its own system and dynamics. This can often rank at the top of obstacles to providing the support an aging parent may need.

Risk assessment and risk tolerance play a part as well, especially if the person in your care is living with Alzheimer’s or another dementia.

Is mom OK living alone? Can dad safely drive his car, even if it is only to and from the grocery store? Is Aunt Mary a fall risk and broken hip just waiting to happen? These are important questions to which honest answers will help you to move forward with planning, mitigating risk, while honoring a parent's wishes, within reason.

Wendy touches on several challenges to getting someone the help they need. Are siblings a barrier? Is denial a factor? How about your parent? Are they resistant to support due to a lack of insight or awareness?

Recognizing and acknowledging these hindrances can lead you to finding the solution to overcoming or addressing them.

Sometimes you need an objective third party like us. As Aging Life Care experts, we help families navigate these obstacles every day. Our goal is the same as yours: respecting the autonomy and independence of the person in your care, while minimizing risk, optimizing safety, and enhancing quality of life.

Still challenged by obstacles? We can help. Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call today.

Additional Resources

• Clash of the Siblings: How to navigate family dynamics when your parent needs help
• The Dance: Finding Balance with Helping an Aging Parent
• Resistance to Care is a Common Challenge: What’s the Best Path Forward?
• My Mom Refuses to Accept Help! Lack of Insight May Be the Reason

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In this segment, our colleague Wendy Nathan talks about long-distance caregiving and how families who live outside the immediate geographic area can benefit from engaging a Care Manager to help in the care of their parent who lives locally. 

She and Sandra also talk about the services that a fiduciary provides in support of bill paying.

It's not uncommon for an adult child responsible for health care and/or financial decisions who lives in San Francisco or London, for example, to hire us as an advisor and support for a parent who lives in the greater Seattle area. 

A Care Manager is engaged to serve as an advocate on behalf of the older adult in need of support when family lives elsewhere.  We can be the boots-on-the-ground, if you will, for the family members who live at a distance, offering insight and observations that will help them make better decisions.

A Care Manager is able to make regular visits to monitor the parent's health and well-being.  We can make recommendations and also accompany the parent to doctors appointments. 

We are in regular communication with families as well, and always available to answer questions. And we are there for emergencies too.

Interested in learning how a Care Manager can assist you in support your parents from a distance? Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

Resources and Additional Reading

• What is Aging Life Care?
• Get in the Lifeboat: Don't Float Alone! Key Supports You Need
• What is an Aging Life Care Manager?
• Aging Wisdom Services brochure 

This is part of a long conversation between our colleague Wendy Nathan, a Certified Care Manager here at Aging Wisdom, and Sandra Cook, Regional VP of Sales, Aegis Living. 

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Moving a parent to memory care or and adult family home can be a difficult decision for families, but it’s often the best choice. The transition can be challenging initially, though your mom or dad will eventually become accustomed to the routines, sights, and sounds of their new residence.

In our experience as Care Managers, our clients who are living with a progressive condition such as Alzheimer’s or another dementia often do much better once they’ve made the move. Staff are adept at welcoming, orienting, and comforting new residents. 

Facilitating a successful transition to a memory care community takes forethought and planning. Here are a few ideas to help make the change easier and the transition a success:

• Family should be consistent, concise about the move in conversation with your parent. Everyone involved in the decision and the move should have the same simple though consistent, reassuring response. “Mom, we love you and want you to be comfortable and safe.” Or “Dad, you’re such a social person, and your new home offers lots of great activities AND  they have incredible food!”
• Pack belongings when your parent isn’t around. Plan to have someone take your loved one out for a meal and a little shopping, or while they are at an appointment, when you pack the essentials and some items that will make them feel at home in their new place. 
• Set up their room in a welcoming way. Be sure to including familiar clothes in the closet and dresser. Comforting, meaningful items such as their favorite easy chair and lap blanket, bedspread, bath towels, lotion and soap, pictures, books, and magazines can all say “Home.” 
• Understand that the change will take time. Change is difficult for all of us. For someone living with cognitive change, it can be more complex. But with time it will get better, and your parent will soon feel at home in their new residence.

As our colleague Wendy Nathan shares in this segment, don’t be shy about engaging in conversation with your parent once they’ve moved and are questioning the change. Saying “I want to go home” is common. In response, you can say "You really want to go home. Tell me what your home is like." Then listen. Just listen. This will bring comfort, and they’ll know that they're being heard. 

Time to begin planning for a move? We have the knowledge and expertise to help guide the journey. Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

You may also enjoy this online course we created — Should I Move Mom? – to help you further understand the options and build confidence in helping an older loved one to move to a retirement community or stay at home.

This is part of a long conversation between our colleague Wendy Nathan, a Certified Care Manager here at Aging Wisdom, and Sandra Cook, Regional VP of Sales, Aegis Living. 

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

As a society, we value self-sufficiency and driving is tied to that sense of independence.  However, there may come a point in all our lives when driving is no longer practical.

If and when driving becomes a safety issue, how do we have conversations or implement effective changes with those in our care that shouldn’t be driving anymore? 

In this presentation excerpt, our colleague Wendy Nathan, a Certified Care Manager, offers guidance on how to address this common though often difficult topic.

Not sure what to do next? Putting the brakes on driving can be a real challenge.  CLICK HERE to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers today. 

Additional Reading

• Retiring the Car Keys (an Aging Wisdom fact sheet) 
• My Mom Refuses to Accept Help! Lack of Insight May Be the Reason  (an Aging Wisdom blog article)
• Resistance to Care is a Common Challenge: What’s the Best Path Forward? (an Aging Wisdom blog article)

 Resources Wendy Mentioned

• EvergreenHealth Driving Skills Assessment
• Northwest Driver Rehab

This is part of a long conversation between our colleague Wendy Nathan, a Certified Care Manager here at Aging Wisdom, and Sandra Cook, Regional VP of Sales, Aegis Living. 

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

During the Q & A period of this virtual presentation, an attendee asked about additional services – specifically around transportation and  technology – that are available to residents when they live in assisted living or memory care, or at home.

As our colleague Nicole shares there’s typically some level of transportation available a long-term care setting; it depends on whether the resident needs to be accompanied and where they’re going. Some transportation is the responsibility of the family to manage, or they can hire somebody to do that. This is a great question to ask if that's a need and you're touring communities.

If you need to know about transportation resources for people still living at home, it depends on the community in which you live. This is a great question for your Area Agency on Aging or local senior center. Talk to the social worker at your senior center because they would be in your area and familiar with the available resources. You can also start your research here, through the U.S. Administration on Aging’s Eldercare Locator.

We have volunteer transportation services for some neighborhoods in our area that people can rely on, but it's usually for individuals who are somewhat independent.  A good place to start is with Community Living Connections for Seattle and King County. You can call them toll free at 1-844-348-5464.

Regarding technology: more and more is out on the market these days with the mission of supporting people aging in place at home. As Nicole emphasized, don't let technology replace care. Technology can be an important for someone who's living at home, semi-alone, and has any potential for falls. 

An emergency response pendant with automatic fall detection is one example. Some families use Alexa devices to remind their parent to take medications. There are lots of options available, the key is to not replace care with technology, but to use technology to support and enhance care and connection.  

One of our favorite resources for technology to support us as we age is Laurie Orlov’s Aging and Health Technology Watch website. Laurie is a tech industry veteran, writer, speaker and elder care advocate, is the website’s founder.

Interested in learning more about technology and transportation options and coordination? We can help! Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call today.

Additional Reading and Resources

·       Long-distance grandparenting: Toddlers and kids (Aging Wisdom blog article)

·       Pros and Cons of Aging in Place (Aging Wisdom blog article)

·       Smartwatches as medical alerts (Aging Wisdom blog article)

·       Planning to “retire” from driving (Aging Wisdom blog article)

This podcast is part of a longer conversation between Nicole Amico Kane, Director of Care Management at Aging Wisdom, and Brenda Dodd, Director of Training and Special Projects at Áegis Living.&nb

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

As Aging Life Care professionals, we find Home Care works best when someone's willing to accept the care, and when the care needs are predictable. This can be difficult and cost-prohibitive, for example, when you're helping someone in the later stages of dementia. 

It's one thing if needs include showering, medication reminders once a day, light housekeeping, and meals. That's easy to staff because it's on a routine schedule. It’s when needs are unpredictable that staffing a professional caregiver can be challenging unless you have 24-hour care, and you're covering all your bases. That option can be expensive as well as isolating. 

When determining what makes the most sense for a client – home care or assisted living -- we help families look at the whole picture, including home accessibility, costs, as well as a client’s well-being and quality of life. 

One of the things that can create challenges for families is getting a consistent, solid care team at home. Unfortunately, we're dealing with staff shortages in every industry and the caregiving industry has been hit particularly hard because of the pandemic. 

Getting a good, consistent caregiver that has the right skill level and personality fit takes time. This can involve a lot of work. Sometimes families get frustrated, understandably, when it's not working, not realizing that it can take a lot of patience and persistence.

We tell families that home care doesn't just run itself.  Somebody has to oversee it. Someone must be willing to manage caregiving staff. And sometimes that feels like more work to the spouse or the family member and the net gain on that is not enough for them.

It’s also not unusual for the person in your care to outgrown what you can provide at home, especially if they’re living with a progressive condition such as Alzheimer’s, another dementia, or Parkinson’s. Home can become isolating, especially when mobility and transportation become challenging. 

An assisted living community can provide life enrichment, social engagement, 24/7 trained caregivers, nourishing meals, thoughtful building design that supports all levels of mobility. 

Closing thought from Nicole: Be realistic about what one caregiver in a home can reasonably accomplish. Occasionally, I must advocate on behalf of caregivers because sometimes the client’s expectation is that they're going to do the care, the cooking, the cleaning, and they're going to be the companion and the activity director. And that's a lot of skills wrapped up into just one person; to some extent those are unfair expectations put on caregivers.

Interested in learning how a Care Manager can assist you in finding professional caregivers to support someone in your care? Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

This podcast is part of a longer conversation between Nicole Amico Kane, Director of Care Management at Aging Wisdom, and Brenda Dodd, Director of Training and Special Projects at Áegis Living. You can view their full conversation by CLICKING HERE. 

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

What kind of medical staff is onsite at assisted living and memory care communities?

This varies from community to community, but a great question to ask when touring a facility.

Many communities have a registered nurse on site, Monday through Friday, 9:00 to 5:00, and the nurse might be available on call as needed. Professional caregivers are staffed 24/7, and long-term care communities also have medical technicians whose primary job is to distribute resident medications. 

Some communities have visiting medical providers who come to the community and provide on-site primary care. This might be an MD or a nurse practitioner, and that's a great option for residents who want to ave more of that care provided onsite.

There are also ancillary medical services. For example, a foot care specialist may be on rotation once a month or medical lab technician to administer routine lab work. These additional services vary from community to community, but typically there's support in these areas. 

Long-term care community residents usually only need to go outside their living community for medical care if they're seeing a specialist, require urgent care, or need hospitalization. 

Don’t be shy about asking what specific supports and medical services are available to residents. Also ask about transportation to and from medical appointments.

As Aging Life Care professionals (AKA Care Managers), we frequently accompany clients who live in long-term care communities to their medical appointments off-site. Often our role is to serve as companion and patient-client advocate. We also provide clear communication to all designated parties following the appointment, including appropriate community staff, such as the Director of Nursing, and a client’s DPOA for health care.

Interested in learning how a Care Manager can assist your family with the healthcare of someone in your care?Click here to schedule a free, get-acquainted call with one of our Certified Care Managers.

This podcast is part of a longer conversation between Nicole Amico Kane, Director of Care Management at Aging Wisdom, and Brenda Dodd, Director of Training and Special Projects at Áegis Living. You can view their full conversation by CLICKING HERE. 

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn. 

You are not alone on this journey! Often families and individuals don’t realize they can save time, energy, money, and heartache by engaging the right professionals and knowledge experts along the way.

If you're starting to think about moving yourself or moving someone in your care, it's important to connect with a professional to help make sure that you're not overlooking something, and that you are aware of what the available options are so that you can make a solid, informed choice. 

Senior center social workers. Most communities have a local senior center. Many senior centers have a social worker who can be a great resource of support and connect you to extra help in your area.

Placement coordinators. These are professionals are solely focused on helping people explore housing options. Typically, they work on commission. 

Care Managers. Our Aging Life Care (aka Care Management) team at Aging Wisdom works closely with families to help them navigate all aspects of aging. Our primary focus is to help our clients make sense of all their care options and partner with them to make informed decisions.

Families often reach out to us for:

• assistance finding a retirement community
• finding in-home professional caregivers
• help with hospital or skilled nursing discharge planning
• providing local support when family is out of the area
• assistance when a family member is refusing help

 Families also seek our guidance when they aren’t sure where to start or what they need!

Having trouble navigating these decisions? It can be complicated. We are the experts guides. We can help.  Schedule a free, get-acquainted call today with one of our Certified Care Managers. 

RESOURCES

•  Aging Wisdom website
•  Eldercare Locator -- a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging connecting you to services for older adults and their families. 
• Washington State Aging and Long-Term Support Administration website

ADDITIONAL READING

• Navigating Long-Term Care Options (in greater Seattle) Part II – an Aging Wisdom blog article
• What is Long-Term Care? – an Aging Wisdom blog article
• A Move to a Retirement Community Could Mean More Independence for Your Parent  – an Aging Wisdom blog article

 This podcast is part of a longer conversation between Nicole Amico Kane, Director of Care Management at Aging Wisdom, and Brenda Dodd, Director of Training and Special Projects at Áegis Living. You can view their full conversation by CLICKING HERE. 

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn.