Wow. What a story. The first story on this podcast that made me think, “I should call him… Actually, I most definitely should not. ”
This story is written as a letter from one woman to an old lover. She’s actively running away from meeting him one last time because she realizes that nothing can come from another reunion. As the woman recounts the beautiful moments between them, oh so long ago, she comes to think about how their love had reached an end. She ruminates on how it felt to be in the same room again, as two different people, recounting their memories as adults mock their actions as young children. This story is poignant and tells a tale as old as time. Two people deeply in love, growing apart, and coming together once again and unearthing those old feelings.
The line that sticks out most to me? When the protagonist is thinking about what would happen if they continued to spend time together, she says “We would have robbed those dead people by substituting for our love of the past a fake and ludicrous make-believe. And the dead people would have cruelly avenged themselves by creating between us quarrels, distrust, coldness, and - what is more terrible than all the rest - a ceaseless jealous comparison of the present with the past.”
These two people were together for a long time in an undetermined time in the past. They have both grown, become more attractive, and experienced life away from each other. If they started seeing each other again, they would be constantly comparing each other to past versions of themselves, unable to see a future with each other through the nebulus of time between their past relationship and the current one. That love that was dead would be revived only to destroy them.
Is this woman making excuses or is she just incredibly self aware? In our everyday lives we often see our friends wanting to give their exes another chance. Send this to that friend in hopes that they see the same thing as I do. Sometimes the memories of that love are better than how the love itself in those moments felt, and it’s easier to come to terms with that, than reignite and get burned. Maybe your friend should get on the train and leave, just like this main character.
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The music for this podcast was provided by Miles Agean. Check out his album, Alpenglow, on Apple Music & Spotify.
Goodnight!
x Rachael
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