WELCOME TO TRANSPHOBIA

Sticks and stones,

The saying goes,

May break my bones,

But in their headlights,

Fear froze.

Then, I am sitting,

In a ditch,

Thinking today,

Is a real bitch.

Driven off the road,

Watching them,

As they point and goad.

Hateful laughter,

Hurtful names,

Directed to me.

How do I respond?

When they will not,

Let me be?

And not even my phone,

Can help this feeling.

I am alone!

Then,

Two cars pass on by.

Hope lost,

They do not see me cry.

As I watch,

Frightened,

I wait.

Whilst these bullies,

Decide my fate.

And then,

They are gone,

Speeding away,

As fast as they begun.

And my throat feels sick.

And of names,

They hurt me.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

NEW MORNINGS DAWN

Somewhere in between,

The night and the day.

Is a moment where I am me,

The best me, I might say.

Half-dream, half-awake,

Full of hope, make no mistake.

This sombre dawn pause,

Reveals me, my truth, awake.

The cool of the air,

Through the windows breeze.

The warmth of the bed,

A few more minutes tease.

The tick of the clock,

Marks the passing of time,

I would say,

In that moment,

I feel, just fine.

And then,

In a beat,

It is the start of the day.

Up and away,

To live my life,

My way.

I take solace in the fact,

That if growth turns decay.

A new mornings dawn,

Is just a few hours away.

So, the best place I can think of,

Is the safety of my bed.

Fools rush in,

Where angels fear to tread.

My safe space,

My respite,

The bank of my tears.

I have invested,

Very heavily,

Over the last few years.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

THE DEVIL TO PAY

For God sake someone tell me,

How I spirit away,

These thoughts that haunt me,

Tomorrow is another today.

In the street,

You would not pay me,

Any particular time of day,

So, time passes slowly,

These thoughts,

Pushed out the way.

But, if you were to tell me,

Perhaps, sometime today.

That the only day I could have,

Would indeed, be yesterday.

Then, to be honest,

I may be inclined to say,

A fond farewell,

Adieu my friend,

As I gladly slip away.

But, let this be held true,

Through this essay.

I have learned to live for today,

Come whatever may.

And the demons,

That come,

I will try to keep them at bay.

Through the passing of time,

Hour by hour, day by challenging day.

I took a deep breath,

And blew the cobwebs away.

And through the falling dust,

I glimpsed the light of day.

Feeling stronger now,

Save nothing for a rainy day.

And I give you my love,

Or at least,

Meet you, halfway.

So many years,

Time just frittered away.

Time after time,

Each a red-letter day.

Whilst the cat was away,

The mouse did not play,

The chips simply fell,

Wherever they may.

It can take a whole lifetime,

To find out the hard way.

That life is for living,

So, get yours underway!

Forge day after day,

Rome was not built in a day,

But lay a stone,

Right here, right now.

It is how you pave the way!

The only thing standing,

In one’s own way.

Is one's own shadow,

Shackled in feet of clay!

In the cold light of day,

Do not fritter life away,

Do not wait,

Until tomorrow,

Or you,

Will have,

The Devil to pay!

(c) Jay Rose Ana

THE LOST SEA

Today I read some tweets,

Discussing my right to exist.

More specifically transitioning,

From one gender to another.

I have always believed,

I am not transitioning at all.

I am simply becoming me,

Who I truly am,

Who I was always meant to be.

I see television programmes,

Discussing if people like me should be allowed.

Fuelled by people I have never met,

An angry mob, an uninformed crowd.

People with no idea of who I am,

Nor a care of what they say.

And yet I see how they behave,

How they are afraid,

Want to lock me away.

They seem to think,

They have a right,

To look down upon me.

To make judgements,

About me,

With blinkered eyes they do not see.

What they refuse,

Is what makes the world,

Beautiful to me.

I am not like them,

They choose hate.

They will probably win,

A false hypocrisy.

If they succeed,

Standard issue will be the norm.

Beautiful things,

Lost to memory.

A world bathed in grey,

No more colour,

No beauty,

Just insanity.

Then they will turn on each other,

And blame anything,

Out of consistency.

Until they are left,

To wander alone,

In a world,

With a dry sea.

Hope remains,

A bud will emerge,

From the dust,

Of the old tree.

A hint of colour,

Pushing hard,

Rise through,

The remains of the dead city.

In its bloom,

New beauty stands tall.

It never died,

It is for eternity.

For those who hate,

There is time,

To change your mind,

End this absurdity.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

IMPASTO

When I am done and when I am gone,

This portrait will remain.

The craft of your hand,

The focus of your eye,

The steadiness of your breath,

The openness of your mind.

Your expression of me will be an expression of us.

Let us share our souls, a whisper in the air,

Select your canvas with extra care.

As you paint gently, let there be no rush,

Layer after layer, let the colours blend,

Our unique palette, upon your brush.

Let these colours remain.

For the tones you select, will be the strength of us.

And when you frame this painting, please take extra care.

For the outside of me, over time, may need a little repair.

And when you show this painting,

I would like the world to know,

That I took a deep breath, and stepped out of the grey,

Into a world of colour, and lived my life, my way.

This portrait will remain.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

RAINBOWS OF LIFE

Red marks birth and the celebrations we sing.

Amber the food of life, feeding every wonderful thing.

Indigo marks spiritual awakenings, lives of change, lives that matter.

Neon is brightness, pulsing with life, fuelled by love, beautiful chatter.

Blue is serenity, peace of mind, becoming awake.

Onyx binds our inner self, bringing strength to challenges we take.

White is the lily, of lives that we remember.

Shades of colour, glowing bright, in each, and every ember.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

BOUQUET OF LIFE

The birth of my first child, then second, then three.

Are the happiest memories, that flow out of me.

Ever brightening hues, never duller, always fuller.

Moments shared in explosions of colour.

Our families together, memories laid.

Bouquets of colour, happy parades.

The red of the rose, the Iris blue,

The water lily proud, always floating true.

Meeting my love, with a bright coloured bouquet,

Is a memory that remains, and forever it will stay.

Moments of purple blended to lavender tones,

Friends forever, I feel it in my bones.

Finding myself, stepping out of the grey.

The simple daisy, bellis perennis, marks the way.

The pink of the Prunus, on enduring the maze.

I feel fabulous today, drunk with life, in a colourful haze.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

DEAR ALLIES

How do I explain to my children, the importance of you?

And why that you need to, and how much I rely on you?

How can I tell them that allies have my back?

How do I prepare them, for the compassion, others lack?

They see the world in rainbows, in colours that are true.

They hold no malice, no hate, they believe in a world where we all love you.

When we step into the street, or when we head out to the park.

It is the light you bring that stops our world turning dark.

My children see the world, how the world should really be.

When I told them I am now mum, not dad, they just accepted me.

But the world at large is not ready, to give that big embrace,

So, thank you allies, for the work you do, you bring hope to humanity.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

I AM A WOMAN

I am a woman; I am not confused.

I am fed up of feeling used.

You drag me out when you need a voice.

I no longer have a choice.

I am a woman; can you not see?

Not a man, how hard can it be?

I do all these things to help you understand.

But you still will not, hold my hand.

I am a woman; it is not a charade.

So why do you put me on parade?

I am happy, just how I am.

Why do you insist I am still a man?

I am a woman, can you not see,

All you see is LGBT.

I am not a letter; I am a word.

A fellow human, one of the herd.

I am a woman, I do not give a damn,

Say it again, give all that you can.

I am a woman, I know who I am,

Love yourself, be kind, if you can.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

BEING DIFFERENT

Can you see me?

Standing in the crowd.

Can you hear me?

Quietly shouting loud.

Can you spot me?

Standing, proud, and tall.

Can you help me?

If I should fall.

Will you hold me?

When I am sand.

Will you remember me?

Did I help you understand?

(c) Jay Rose Ana