Internet browsers the world over will likely be familiar with the video of that lizard falling from a marble countertop as it struggles to eat a salad. You shall be happy to know that said lizard, a green iguana named Iggy, survived the fall and will live to become a brief viral celebrity, perhaps even make some year-end lists, which, given our tiny attention spans and the sheer amount of shit we can bear, tend to be summations of what happened in November and December.

Mere seconds after news broke of Mac Miller’s fatal overdose, ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande was bombarded with Internet vitriol blaming her for his death.

Thanksgiving is here, and therefore eating pie is, with any luck, in your near future. Pies make excellent desserts, some might say better than cakes. But pies are also quietly and unapologetically eerie. Pie is hands down the most goth dessert, for a number of reasons.

Turkey pardoning is a bizarre Presidential tradition and a relatively recent one. And though most believe that the turkeys being pardoned are receiving a rare gift, a long, fruitful life when they could have just as easily been eaten by a politician, the truth is much darker. Since the fat turkeys typically pardoned are literally bred to be eaten, they aren’t expected to live long lives, and most of them die shortly after they’re pardoned.

According to a new report published by the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 34% of U.S. parents can’t be bothered to make sure their kids get the flu vaccine this year.

Michelle Obama, who is currently making the press rounds promoting her new book Becoming, appears to be sporting a flashier engagement ring recently. Michelle’s old ring was a tasteful solitaire set in yellow gold, with a simple gold wedding band to match. The new ring is white gold and square, or emerald cut. As the Obamas celebrated 25 years of matrimony last year, it was maybe a gift from Barack Obama to commemorate their anniversary. Buuut.

This is why I don’t listen to podcasts! During an episode of Dr. Berlin’s Informed Pregnancy, Hilary Duff, who recently gave birth to her second baby, a daughter named Banks, dictated a recipe for what still sounds like a harrowing placenta smoothie. Duff said she added berries and fruit juice to the the placenta…mixture…before slurping it down.

Antarctica sounds like an awful place insofar as the people who have jobs there care far too furiously about what truly matters. There is simply no sense of proportion in that frozen, frivolous terrain where men grow their magnificent beards until they crack off. The Sun reported on Tuesday that Russian engineer Sergey Savitsky, 55, has been accused of stabbing welder Oleg Beloguzov, 52, in the chest with a kitchen knife while working in Antarctica.

Just in time for me to have eaten all the leftover Halloween candy in New York City, comes an announcement from the M&M Bureau of Sugar Dreams: there now exists a new hot cocoa-flavored M&M, complete with marshmallow-flavored insides. What do these taste like? I do not know, but I must.

The celebrity costumes this year were so nice, we’re roundin’ ‘em up twice. I had no choice. Just look at Heidi Klum and her boyfriend, Tom Kaulitz of the German rock band Tokio Hotel, as Shrek and Fiona—prosthetics and all. We can only aspire to such dedication.