When I was 19, everything I did was stupid. I skipped class. I smoked Marlboro 27s. I snuck rum into a children’s movie and drank it out of a garbage bag. I went skinny dipping in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. I dated a philosophy major. These were all mistakes, but none of my friends ever blew up my spot about them, in part because I was not the child of a former President, but also because my friends weren’t assholes.

The body of notorious cult leader Charles Manson, who died earlier this week at age 83, is currently languishing at the Kern County Coroner’s office in California, and if his next-of-kin doesn’t show up to claim it in the next week, its fate is up to prison officials. His grandson says he doesn’t have the cash to come get the body, though, so his friend set up a GoFundMe for him.

In a statement delivered to the New York Times, Rashida Jones corrected reports (which included those quoted in Tuesday night’s Dirt Bag) that she and writing partner Will McCormack left the production of Toy Story 4 after Disney Animation Head John Lasseter “made an unwanted advance” toward her. Her statement reads: “The breakneck speed at which journalists have been naming the next perpetrator renders some reporting irresponsible.

Australia is home to lots of adorable furry things, like wombats and koalas and platypus, but it’s also home to some absolute horrors that crawled straight from Satan’s toilet for no reason other than to terrorize humans. This is a video about the latter group. Bianca Merrick was driving to her house in Coffs Harbour on Friday when she noticed an enormous spider clinging to the visor above her head, its legs the length of sour straws and its body the size of a Swiss Army knife.

Sarah Silverman opened her Hulu show I Love You, America this week with a statement about sexual assault, making specific reference to her friend Louis C.K.’s admission of sexual misconduct. In her monologue, Silverman disparages C.K.’s behavior without totally distancing herself from him as a friend. She admits she’s still processing the news and that she’d rather not have to comment on it but feels compelled.

The weird part about Selena Gomez kissing Justin Bieber right on the lips during a time-out in his hockey game isn’t that it happened, or that the photo makes her look like a stunning, if repressed, ‘50s housewife greeting her husband after he’s been discharged from the war (I think it’s the hair). It’s that she touched his sweaty, disgusting hockey face/neck with her clean, presumably showered face/hands.

Just yesterday, I, a stupid person, watched Kim Kardashian’s interview on Ellen—the one where she refused to discuss the alleged pregnancies of her sisters Khloe and Kylie—and thought about how dull they all suddenly were. The E! machine has spent over 10 years squeezing stories out of this family, and their latest is as boring and textbook as a struggling sitcom’s sixth-season finale. Their popularity is waning, I thought.

Cardi B landed her “regular, degular, shmegular” self on the cover of New York looking like a million dollars and sounding like the only person I want to hear talk to about anything, moving forward. Writer Allison P. Davis spent a good chunk of time with Cardi, who is currently enjoying a long moment in the spotlight.

Louis C.K.’s former manager, Dave Becky, has issued an apology for trying to cover up complaints raised by two of C.K.’s accusers, Dana Min Goodman and Julia Wolov. The two women were among the five cited in a New York Times story that finally solidified long-swirling rumors about C.K.’s misconduct. From Variety: “I profoundly regret and am deeply sorry for not listening to and not understanding what happened to Dana and Julia.

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian broke up in October 2015, after nine years of partnership and three kids together. Now Disick is dating or at least naked sunbathing with teen Sofia Richie, and Kardashian is also dating young (his name is Younes Bendjima and he’s a 24-year-old model). But according to People magazine and Keeping Up With the Kardashians, there is more to this story than meets the eye.