Over the last 54 years, we’ve had short Bonds and tall Bonds, British Bonds, Scottish Bonds, and even an Asian Bond. But the only Bond that matters (besides your word and I guess the kind issued by the Treasury) is a recent addition to the canon—Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. This movie is literally all about a card game, and it still rules. “But, but Goldfinger,” you sputter! A fine movie, for idiots who believe you could really suffocate that way.

What delightful news on the last day of this terrible year: Mariah Carey and Bryan Tanaka are no longer just seeing where things go — they are officially, one-hundred percent together now.

I’m very sorry for sharing such stomach-churning news with all of you this morning, but as I tried to explain yesterday, the font of non-tragic celebrity news is barely trickling this week. So here I am, with a story reported by an unreliable (though accurate enough for gullible people like myself) tabloid, about Tyga’s desire to have sex with both his girlfriend, Kylie Jenner, and his girlfriend’s older sister, Kendall Jenner.

Last night Ariana Grande Notes’ed a story about a gross interaction with a fan of her boyfriend Mac Miller that ended in said fan telling her boyf “Ariana is sexy as hell man I see you, I see you hitting that!!!” The backlash to the story was swift, with people crawling out of the mire to tell her that hey, maybe she deserves it because of how she dresses and and dances in her music videos. Rude, if you ask me and also Ariana, who hopped on the Twitter to defend herself.

Members of Taylor Swift’s squad are, for the most part, women aged 18 to 40 who are either singers, actors, or models. But in what could have been an effort to seem less ageist, Swift has made her club a little more inclusive by allowing a 96-year-old veteran named Cyrus Porter to join.

When it was revealed earlier this week that Jennifer Lopez suddenly backed out of a Miami New Year’s Eve performance that would have paid her $1 million, I thought, “What on earth could possibly be more appealing than making a million bucks in one evening?” Friday morning, Page Six reported that the answer to that question is... Drake. A source says, “He will be in Vegas and she wants to hang out with him.

Well, this is awkward. Don’t get me wrong—you look absolutely great. I’m just surprised to see you in the same outfit as me. I was trying to be a little more adventurous and take a fashion risk this year because—well, I don’t have to tell you this—but dressing for work gets so boring and I thought it would be fun to show a different side of myself at the company party.

Kanye West reportedly began showing signs of mental collapse as far back as Halloween, a friend of the musician and apparent Trump supporter told People. In the two weeks following his prolonged stay at UCLA medical center for a bout of psychosis brought on by exhaustion, West’s health has been improving, but he’s not back yet. “He’s recovering, but not recovered,” a West friend tells PEOPLE exclusively. “He’s sick and every day he gets better.

Ask me to describe Leah Remini and I’ll say things like, “She’s that former Scientologist who was on The King of Queens.” Or maybe, “She’s that former Scientologist who’s best friends with Jennifer Lopez.” Or, uh, “She’s that former Scientologist who was what’s her name on the Saved By the Bell season set on the beach. Stacey Carosi? Or was she Tori Scott? One of them.

On Wednesday night, two women were accosted by a man carrying a fake gun into their San Bernardino shop, Lotions & Lace. When he tried to grab one of them, they fought back with every dildo in arm’s reach. ABC 7 reports that a store clerk identified only as “Amy” was skeptical of her would-be robber from the moment he approached her. She says, “I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us.