Two years ago, around the time of the first Fifty Shades of Grey, this here site put forth a theory that the movie’s co-stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan “can’t fucking stand each other.” It seemed the evidence was in the photos where both actors appear not only detached but utterly annoyed with other.

The Women’s March on Washington, to be held the day after Trump’s inauguration, will be the largest and loudest national protest. I’ll be there, joining a mass of humanity united in opposition to everything Donald Trump stands for. New York magazine’s Jonathan Chait, who never met a women’s issue he couldn’t make about himself, won’t be there. He’s a little confused. Really? That’s super-weird. All the women I know, they all told me I should come.

In a series of tweets published Wednesday night, 18-year-old Paris Jackson told a fan how she felt about Joseph Fienne’s performance as her father in the upcoming comedy series Urban Myths. “Thoughts on this portrayal of Michael,” someone asked her. She responded: “I’m so incredibly offended by it, as i’m sure plenty of people are as well, and it honestly makes me want to vomit.

On Friday, Michelle Obama gave her final White House remarks as First Lady, surrounded by weeping women. CNN reports that the speech was given during an event intended to honor the 2017 School Counselor of the Year, a ceremony Obama began in 2015 as part of her “Reach Higher” program created to promote higher education and highlight the leadership skills of exceptional school counselors.

Here is a helpful parenting suggestion from me, a woman who does not have children but might someday: if you want to have intimate relations with your partner, how about you just do it and keep that shit to yourself? If any friends of mine who have children sat down with a beer and earnestly asked me “Hey, what should I tell my kid if I need to go bone their dad?” the only answer I would provide is “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND.

After a long investigation that included the examination of “video surveillance” taken by shops surrounding the scene of the crime, police have arrested 16 people across France in connection with Kim Kardashian’s robbery in Paris last October. Writes Le Monde: Most of the arrested men are known to the police force...and are described as seasoned criminals. The oldest of them is 72 years old. They were placed in custody.

Vivica A. Fox has a dream, and that’s for women to frequent the male strip club featured in her new reality show, Vivica’s Black Magic. But all anyone ever wants to talk about is the gay men who will doubtlessly show up in droves. “Hell no. Back all that up,” Fox told 105.1's Charlamagne Tha God during an episode of the TheBreakfast Club, after the host pressed her about the sex of the club’s clientele.

Kim Kardashian West—or maybe just Kim Kardashian, or maybe Kim Kardashian [peach emoji], or maybe just Kim—posted her first selfie of the year Wednesday night on Snapchat. But the image was a bigger deal than her caption (“first selfie of 2017 w my mama”) suggested. This was Kim’s first published selfie since being robbed in Paris last October. She’s been in selfies, but not as the photographer. This is Kim in komplete kontrol.

With the counsel of Laura Wasser, her very smart and powerful divorce lawyer, Angelina Jolie has reportedly agreed to seal the documents “in her divorce and custody case,” but not without dropping a vague bombshell (or at least the shell of a bombshell) about her relationship with Brad Pitt in the process.

Oh yes, this is the good shit. The goss I want. The goss I crave. Remember when Kanye West criticized Beyoncé Knowles and Jay Z during his Life of Pablo tour? (He said Beyoncé didn’t deserve Video of the Year over “Hotline Bling” and that Jay really needed to call him.) Well, Radar Online reports that after Kim Kardashian called Knowles to “soothe tensions after [his] hospitalization,” Beyoncé refused to comply.