Ingredients:

* 6 ounces whipped butter

* 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar (normal sugar)

* 1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar (brown sugar)

* 1 tablespoon vanilla (vanilla extract)

* 2 eggs (brown and white both acceptable)

* 4 cups all-purpose flour

* 2 teaspoons baking soda

* 1 teaspoon salt

* 1 package (24 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips (4 cups)

* 1 can Pam baking spray

* 1 mixing bowl

* 1 cookie sheet

Instructions:

1. Heat oven to 350°F.

2. Mix wet ingredients into bowl: Butter, sugars, vanilla extract, and eggs.

3. Stir dry ingredients into bowl: Flour, baking soda, salt, chocolate chips.

4. Add a second tablespoon of vanilla extract.

5. Spray cookie sheet with Pam baking spray.

6. Place tablespoon-sized balls of cookie dough 2 inches apart on cookie sheet.

7. Bake 12 to 15 minutes.

Ingredients:

* Ear(s) of corn

* Soft margarine

* Chives

* Garlic

* Unknown spice

* Mustard seeds

* Cilantro

* Basil

* Chili powder

* Cayanne pepper

Instructions:

1. Remove outer husk from corn, leaving one layer on the ear.

2. Remove silk from corn.

3. Soak corn in water for 20 minutes.

4. Place a few tablespoons of soft margarine in a bowl.

5. Mix in herbs and spices.

6. Remove corn from water.

7. Peel back husk and baste corn with the flavored margarine.

8. Replace husk to cover corn.

9. Grill on medium heat for 30 minutes.

10. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

24 cherry tomatoes

1 pound of bacon

1/2 cup chopped green onions

1/2 cup mayonnaise

Optional ingredients:

Garlic

Worcestershire sauce

Salt

Instructions:

1. Cook bacon in microwave five slices at a time at 4 minutes and 30 seconds per batch.

2. Place bacon in plastic bag and crumble.

3. Slice green onions into tiny pieces, only using the white part up until where it starts to get green and is still crunchy.

4. Add 1/2 cup of mayonnaise to bowl.

5. Mix bacon, green onions, and optional ingredients as desired to the mayonnaise.

6. Cut off tops of tomatoes.

7. Scoop out contents of tomatoes.

8. Stuff tomatoes with the mixture from the bowl and enjoy!

Ingredients:

2 eggs

1 onion

1 bell pepper

1 tomato

Margarine

Instructions:

1. Rinse onion.

2. Slice and dice onion until it is in small pieces.

3. Rinse tomato.

4. Slice and dice tomato until it is in small pieces.

5. Rinse pepper.

6. Slice and dice pepper until it is in small pieces.

7. Break two eggs and put them into a bowl.

8. Beat the eggs until the white and yellow parts are mixed well.

9. Put a frying pan on a stovetop on medium heat.

10. Add enough margarine to cover the surface of the pan.

11. Pour the eggs into the pan.

12. Add onion, tomato, and pepper.

13. When egg begins to solidify, pick up the pan, hope for the best, and attempt to flip the eggs.

14. Allow to cook until there is no more liquid.

15. Add cheese (if desired) on top of the eggs, and then fold the omelette over the cheese.

16. Add ketchup and/or Tabasco sauce to taste.

Ingredients:

2 lbs. carrots

1 onion

3/4 cup white vinegar

3/4 cup sugar

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. pepper

1 can Campbell's condensed tomato soup

1/2 cup canola oil

1 tsp. Worcester sauce

1/4 tsp. dill weed

Instructions:

1. Wash carrots by rinsing with water.

2. Peel carrots with vegetable peeler.

3. Slice carrots thinly.

4. Slice onion thinly.

5. Cover carrots with water in saucepan with lid.

6. Cook (bring to boil) until barely tender.

7. Drain.

8. Combine remaining ingredients (no carrots or onion) into another saucepan.

9. Heat to a boil, stirring. Note: Canola oil is flammable.

10. Cool slightly.

11. Pour over carrots and onion.

12. Refrigerate. Best if made three days or more before serving.

Ingredients:

Hickory Farms beef stick

1/4 cup orange marmalade

2 tablespoons light brown granulated sugar

1 tablespoon mustard

Instructions:

1. Take off the casing of the beef stick.

2. Slice into thin pieces, leaving the slices connected at the bottom.

3. Mix marmalade, sugar, and mustard.

4. Place a sheet of aluminum foil on a baking sheet.

5. Place the beef stick on the aluminum foil.

6. Pour the mix on the beef stick, making sure the mix gets on every individual slice.

7. Close up the aluminum foil around the beef stick.

8. Cook the beef stick in an oven at 350°F for 35 minutes.

Ingredients:

1 can of tomatoes

Spaghetti

2 cloves of garlic

1 tablespoon of olive oil

Black olives

Salt and pepper

Spaghetti Instructions:

1. Fill a pot with water, about up to the handle.

2. Put the water on the cooktop, and turn it up to high.

3. When the water starts to boil. add spaghetti. You can break it in half so it's easier to eat.

4. Cook spaghetti for the time indicated on the package.

5. Drain water from spaghetti.

6. Add sauce (instructions below) and serve.

Spaghetti Sauce Instructions:

1. Open can of tomatoes and drain all excess water.

2. Use a fork to mash up the tomatoes while still inside the can. Jiggle it all around, somewhat violently.

3. Peel 2 garlic cloves and then crush. Use a hard edge, like the side of a knife, and smash it such that it's not in pieces, but that the innards are exposed. Or, if that's too challenging, just cut it into quarters.

4. Put some (a tablespoon or less) olive oil into a saucepan and heat.

Note that in the video, I incorrectly use a teaspoon of olive oil instead of a tablespoon. The abbreviation "tsp" is for teaspoon. I think it's a stupid abbreviation to put on a measuring spoon, as both measurements have the letters T,S, and P in that order.

5. Put garlic in hot saucepan and fry for a minute or two.

6. Put tomatoes in saucepan.

7. Add black olives.

8. Cook for approximately 15 minutes, stirring every few minutes.

9. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Spaghetti sauce recipe provided by Beah Burger. Music by moonrocket.

Ingredients:

2 packages of Philadelphia Cream Cheese - "1/3 Less Fat"

2 cans of minced or diced clams

1 onion

1 ball of garlic

Worcestershire sauce

Milk (optional)

Instructions:

1. Add all cream cheese to bowl.

2. Pour one can of clams into bowl, including the juice.

3. Drain the second can of clams, and put the clams in the bowl.

4. Press 2 decent-sized cloves of garlic through a garlic press and add to bowl.

5. Chop up an onion and don't cut your fingers.

6. Add 3/4 of 1/4 cup chopped onions.

7. Add 3 to 4 shakes of Worcestershire sauce.

8. Mix it all up.

9. Serve with potato chips.

Recorded before a live studio audience. Music by moonrocket.

In-N-Out is a popular fast food restaurant on the West Coast. Each burger is made to order, and they taste really good. It's hard to describe just how good they are, because it's still fast food.

As a fellow Easterner put it, the first time you have In-N-Out, you think it tastes like a good fast food hamburger, but nothing more than that. But, about a week later, you find yourself craving it. You soon become like me, running out for a burger at midnight because you can't even sleep you're thinking about it so much. There must be something in the sauce. Notice at the end of the video, I sniff the bag (for cheese, even though they've never messed up my order) and then subconsciously let out an "Ahhhhh."

Anyway, the employees there are paid well, and, shocking to people like me who are used to less than stellar service, are eerily friendly. This is evidence for any skeptics back on the right coast.

I originally wanted to be a "Pun," but I couldn't think of a pun of "pun." I either wanted to be that or "A Halloween Costume."