"What is your shower regime that is so cognitively challenging?"

This week, we discuss the extreme variance in satsuma quality in this country and the epidemic of jazz apples among children, a puritanical husband who enjoys frugality, fish fingers, and beans, a smelly work colleague from seven years ago, and a Mumsnetter who has a great scheme to stop the spread of all viruses.

We fully support the protests across the USA against white supremacist structures and police violence. If you can, please donate some money for protesters' bail (https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate) or for community groups fighting for the memory of murdered Black people (https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd). Black lives matter.

"I mean, that's just what I would do if I were starting a campaign of hateful motivational rocks."

We celebrate our second wedding anniversary: the podcast anniversary. As part of our celebrations, we discuss when it's appropriate to do the Macarena under the current circumstances and suggest that the UK Government do the Time Warp, we receive mysterious pebbles with sinister messages on them, we receive a huge box of clothes as gifts every single day and discuss if shoes are clothes, and we wear a truly monumental amount of underwear per day despite the fact that pants are not an infinite resource.

"Press 1 to buy some land."

Which supernatural beings are crap? Vampires, for sure. We discuss whether vampires could get the 'rona as well as neighbours demanding money for a mysterious group-buy of McDonald's food, robots with long numbers running sophisticated phone scams about out-of-date chicken goujons, using this time (and massive privilege) to become self-sufficient, and Simon tries out a new tagline for the podcast.

"Why is there always a buffet at this workplace?"

COVID-19 will surely lead to massive changes in the way we live in the future. Could it be the end of popping-round culture? Could it be the start of prank-calling culture? Can we wear gymwear on our weekly trip to the supermarket? Are we just going to start leaving our obsolete physical media out on the pavement? Will we start foraging for DVDs? We discuss these sweeping societal changes as well as what to do if your husband and his potatoes are an absolute joke? He's looking like a total clown at the work buffet. 

This week there's a You Are Being Unreasonable quiz! Enter at https://tinyurl.com/yabuquiz

"There's no such site as Mumsnet."

An episode of bold takes this week like 'there's no such site as Mumsnet', 'men do not exist', and 'frozen coleslaw is a thing that should be'. This week, we discuss which food-related words are too awful to mention and helpings of school dinners, we change our personalities along with our Mumsnet usernames, we strategically place pineapples for our Zoom meetings, we sing Enter Sandman with our neighbours for the carers, and Helen sends Simon to improv jail.

"Are German nipples the worst?"

An Easter special! In which Easter is barely mentioned. This Easter live show was livestreamed on YouTube and you can watch the full unedited video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9TAU7DOf_E

Instead of Easter, we discuss the creepy musical children next door, huge bums and the correct way to measure the size of bottoms, how the lockdown has us all saving money and how Gregg Wallace must be pleased about this, we wildly speculate about aliens (or maybe AI) arriving during lockdown, and we hear about Helen's plans for the Kesha jukebox musical.

"Designated survivor, Ian Beale."

We're organising clapping for Mumsnetters this week. We're clapping for everyone else in the country so why not Mumsnetters? Mumsnet is full on lockdown nowadays so we cover what counts as essential shopping and whether this includes two cucumbers, how soap operas should handle this global health crisis, how and when to name and shame your neighbours for failing to clap, and if anyone would like to have penises for arms.

"Moral outrage: it's a big phrase for a little chilli."

We're still in lockdown and we're all hoarding beans. Or Haribo Bears which can be used in place of beans in many recipes. We'll get into all that culinary sacrilege and also talk about websites where hunky priests discuss if they're being unreasonable, being a grow-your-own hipster mad at this new grow-your-owners during the global health crisis and learning what spaghetti is, changing usernames to prevent being outed as Mumsnetters and being no-filter, no-makeup kind of people, and we discover what 'Netflix and chill' means in front of important business clients. 

"A little ten-year old boy is desperate to go to a toilet paper conference."

We're social distancing this week for our first online livestreamed show! If you want to see our faces, you can watch the whole unedited stream at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pviWRPj6wjU

In this week's episode, we receive some strange tickets and estimate the cash value of the golden tickets in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, we teach Masterchef presenters about the proper use of pronouns and imagine a new BBC show, Mastergrammarians, we teach children which British politicians are suitable to sing 'Happy Birthday' to and discuss stockpiling washing-your-hands, and we hear about a dream starring an ex with profound implications about our current global situation.