You Can Adopt

Welcome to episode 24 of the You Can Adopt Podcast.

This episode features Miles Asteri, former contestant on BBC’s ‘The Traitors’, and single adopter Alex, in conversation about their journey to adopt their children.

From deciding to start the process, navigating challenges, bringing your child home, to receiving support throughout – they discuss the bumps in the road, but how the rewards of providing a child with a loving, stable home are unparalleled.

Many people hold back from starting their adoption journeys because they’re waiting for the ‘perfect’ time or circumstances. Like any new parents, many prospective adopters worry about their ability to cope – but with adoption, this is a journey that can be navigated together with support available along the way. Adopting a child is a life-changing journey full of adventure, challenges, chaos and conversation – and love. The episode aims to show that all you need to do is take that first step.

Welcome to episode 23 of the You Can Adopt podcast.

Debbie Bright, mum of four, has fostered over 200 children over the last 30 years. She has looked after children of all ages, with a variety of needs, and for variable periods of time. Her and her husband, Dave, did this while raising their birth children Lydia, Georgia, Romana and Freddie.

Lydia Bright, TV personality, influencer, author and mother, was two years old when her parents began fostering. From then, she has had many siblings come into her life, but has never known any different.

In this episode, mum and daughter Debbie and Lydia explore what it is like to bring an adopted and/or fostered child into a family with birth children. There are understandably a lot of questions prospective adopters will have when considering welcoming a new family member, many of which may revolve around what impact it may have on their birth children.

By shining a light on their experiences, it aims to encourage parents with birth children to consider adoption, by showing a balanced picture of what it is like to grow your family through adoption, and the benefits it can bring to the whole family.

If you are considering adopting a child, the adopted child must be at least two years younger than your youngest birth child at the time of adoption.

Welcome to episode 22 of the You Can Adopt podcast.

In this episode, TV presenter, culture expert and adopted person Nick Ede speaks to Samantha, who is part of three generations of adopted people. As a special episode for National Adoption Week, the episode explores how adoption has changed through the decades, through the voices of two people who have seen or heard first-hand how it has evolved.

In the episode, both Nick and Samantha explore their experiences of being adopted, including topics around identity, openness and contact with birth families – to shine a light on how the sector is transforming and the importance of a connection to your history in developing a sense of who you are.

While historically adoption was often seen as secretive and hidden, with little information and support provided to help adopted people understand their history, it is now vital that adoptees have a good understanding of their history to help form a positive sense of identity. This includes staying in touch with birth relatives and friends (when safe and appropriate), and maintaining these connections through life story books, later life letters, and memory boxes, which all help adopted people stay connected to their past.

Welcome to episode 21 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by actor Jimmy Akingbola.

In his 2022 ITV documentary ‘Handle with Care’, Jimmy explores his journey through the care system, and his experience of being fostered long-term by a white British family – particularly around themes of identity, the importance of role models, and cultural connection.

In this episode, Jimmy speaks to Sarah Livingstone, a foster carer and chair of the Camden Association for Foster Carers. She has played an instrumental role in many policy changes, including the creation and distribution of Replenish Boxes alongside her colleague James Kargbo – which were created to ensure that Black children will be able to access the right products for their hair and skin. They also offer training workshops around identity and culture.

Adopters are in greatest demand for brother and sister groups, older children, children with additional and/or complex needs and children from Black and mixed heritage backgrounds. Children from these groups represent 59% of all children waiting to be adopted. Black children wait on average two months longer to be adopted.

Jimmy and Sarah openly discuss their own experiences of adoption and long term foster care. They particularly focus on Black and mixed-heritage children in the care system, the support those children need and encourage more people from the Black community to consider adoption.

Links:

https://www.instagram.com/replenish_culture/

Welcome to Episode 20 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by former children’s social worker and Love Island winner, Sanam Harrinanan.

In this episode, Sanam speaks to Emma, who adopted two children with her husband, to explore the theme of the support available to adopters.

There are a variety of support services available to adopters throughout their journey, from therapeutic and financial support for children with disabilities, to ongoing peer support through workshops, family days out and training sessions. 

Emma and her husband adopted two children, and their son has required some additional support along the way. Working with their adoption agency and local authority, they have been able to access a variety of means of support, including financial and therapeutic.

Adopters are in greatest demand for brother and sister groups, older children, children with additional and/or complex needs and children from Black and mixed heritage backgrounds. Children from these groups represent 59% of all children waiting to be adopted.  

In this episode, Sanam and Emma explore that while some of these groups of children may bring additional challenges to a new family, the power of family and a permanent home can be transformational for these children, and there is support available.

Emma mentioned a few books that helped her along the way:

Sarah Nash - But he looks so normal

Sarah Nash - Therapeutic Parenting strategies and solutions

Sarah Nash - Therapeutic Parenting essentials

Louise Bomber - Inside I'm hurting practical strategies for supporting children with attachment difficulties in school

Louise Bomber - What about me? Inclusive strategies to support pupils with attachments difficulties in school

Mindfulness - A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world - Mark Williams

Psychologies magazine subsciption

To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk

Welcome to episode 19 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by radio DJ Pandora Christie, who speaks to guest Jonny about his experience of adopting through early permanence.

Early permanence refers to the situation where children in care are placed in a permanent family home at the earliest opportunity to prevent additional moves between carers. A child would be placed into care with carers who are initially approved as foster carers but who also have the potential to be their adopters. The ‘usual’ adoption route can take 6-12 months or longer, with children moving between one or more placements. With early permanence, children can spend their time waiting with the family planning to adopt them.

Early permanence is totally child centred practice, with the adults managing the uncertainty and not the child. There are two main routes to early permanence; concurrent planning and fostering to adopt. The main difference is the status and preparation of the carers. Concurrent carers will be approved as foster carers and adopters, and are more prepared for the possible return home of the child placed with them. Fostering for adoption carers are primarily adopters that are temporarily approved as foster carers for a specific child.

Given Pandora’s own experience of being fostered, and Johnny’s experience of fostering and then adopting a child, this episode explores both their experiences, with a particular focus on the benefits for the child.

To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk

Welcome to episode 18 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by actor and activist Charlie Condou, who speaks to couple Adam and Daniyal, who adopted their son, about adopting as a same sex couple. They discuss being LGBTQ+ parents, the process of adoption, the support they received along the way, and how they came to adopt.

 

Charlie Condou, ex Coronation Street actor and LGBTQ+ activist, shares two children with his partner and their friend, who acted as a surrogate and co-parents their children. While he did not go down the adoption route, he is passionate about encouraging gay parenting and is an advocate for adoption.

 

Adam is from Middlesbrough, and his husband, Daniyal, grew up in Dubai - but they both now live near Newcastle together. They met working in a hospital, fell in love and got married- and later began thinking about having children. After beginning the adoption process, they were quickly matched with a child. They adopted their little boy at 10 months old, and he is almost three. He was born on the eve of the first Covid lockdown, and then in care for 10 months before he came to them. When adopting, they didn’t have any specific preferences about gender or heritage, but just wanted a child to love and give a safe home. Their little boy is from a mixed white and South Asian background- and people always tell them he looks like both his papa and his daddy. Since becoming part of their family, they say their lives have been turned upside down in the best way- he is cheeky, loves to roll his eyes and cause havoc!

 

To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk

 

PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879

Welcome to episode 17 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by Debbie, a returning host to the podcast, talking to mother and daughter Lizzy and Lilybelle about their experience of adoption, growing up with foster carers, and maintaining contact with foster and birth families.

Debbie and her husband Dave have fostered over 200 children over the span of 30 years, after ‘falling’ into fostering when she was in a restaurant 30 years ago and saw a mum struggling with crying children at a table next to her and offered to help mind the children. Debbie discovered the woman was fostering the children and decided to give her number to the lady to pass on to social services so she could do the same thing. Having fostered children of all ages and having four birth children herself, Debbie has experience caring for children across the spectrum. Debbie has also appeared on reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex with her daughter, Lydia Bright.

Lizzy is Lillybelle’s adoptive mum. She and her husband are also mum and dad to their two other adopted children. In this episode they speak with Debbie about their adoption journey, how they prepared for Lilybelle’s adoption, and even share extracts from a book Lilybelle has written about her experience of adoption, ‘In my own words’. There is also a special guest appearance from their dog, Bronson.

Lillybelle says: “I’ve got three families in total, but it’s like one big family. I’ve got my birth family, which I still write letters to. I’ve got a foster family, which mummy’s still in contact with. And I’ve got my adoptive family, which I’m living with now. It’s nice because I don’t actually live with a massive family, so it’s not too overwhelming with so many people. But they’re still in my heart, and they’re still in my mind. I think of them lots and I’ve got loads of memories of them. It has been difficult sometimes. It’s also been emotional sometimes, but most of the time it’s been great.”

Thanks for listening!

PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

Welcome to episode 16 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by BBC Presenter Ashley John-Baptiste, talking to Jamal, who was adopted at the age of three. They share memories of their lives as children growing up – for Ashley in the care system, and for Jamal being transracially adopted by his two mums. They discuss their heritage, belonging, and how they found their identities through the people around them, experiences they went through and contact with their birth families.

This National Adoption Week, we are exploring adopted people’s memories and relationships from before, during, and after they were adopted, and how these make them who they are today. During the week, the campaign will challenge perceptions of modern adoption and show how important it can be for adopted people to be able to feel connected to their past – often through physical keepsakes such as letters, photographs, or childhood toys. The You Can Adopt campaign also acknowledges that identity, especially for adopted people, can be a life-long journey and is always evolving. While not all adopted people will have mementos from their early life or the opportunity to have contact with people from their life before they were adopted, modern adoption encourages access to a range of quality information. Meanwhile many adopters today make it a priority to help their children to understand and develop their identity. 

To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk/NAW

PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

In this 15th episode of the podcast, Carrie and David Grant are joined by parents of 3, Kathryn and Adrian, to talk about their experiences of adopting children that face the greatest delays in finding a home.

Today also marks the launch of ‘A Life Less Ordinary’, a new campaign from You Can Adopt, to encourage the public to think differently about adoption and these children waiting longest to find a permanent home. These children include those aged five and over, children with additional and/or complex needs, and brother and sister groups. Children from minority ethnic backgrounds also tend to wait longer, though reasons for this are complex. These groups who wait longest represent 65% (1,220) of the 1,890 children currently waiting to be adopted in England. Sadly, these groups can wait much longer than average to be adopted: children with a disability typically wait 11 months longer in care compared to children without additional needs, and children over 5 tend to wait 13 months longer.

Carrie and David are vocal coaches and television presenters who have four children, all of whom have additional needs. Kathryn and Adrian have adopted 3 children, with each child having some form of additional needs. Having always known they wanted to adopt rather than go through IVF or other methods of growing a family, they felt they had the right skills to take on children with additional needs: their eldest has cerebral palsy and has recently completed university, and their other children have other challenges including a learning disorder, foetal alcohol syndrome and a partial deletion of Chromosme 10. Kathryn and Adrian are also in the process of adopting their 4th child who also has additional needs.

If you’ve ever considered adopting and want to find out more about the children who wait the longest, find out more at youcanadopt.co.uk/alifelessordinary