Would you sell your wife’s car to get to a concert or send your husband a fake invoice from the vet? – Introducing Karl, Fergus, Smudge, and ‘Puffing Billy’ all hoping to find some forgiveness.

Simon recalls the infamous goat and hamster confessions from days gone by – different times (very different times). There’s some unmissable culinary advice if you’re unsure what to pair with your Angel Delight, and more bonus confessions from the producer’s file marked ‘Not for broadcast’.

Plus, we delve deep into the crypt for a classic confession; ‘Dropkick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts Of Life’, in which Trisha finds herself in something of a tight spot at the crematorium.

Send your confessions and notes for the Parish Notice Board to [email protected]