Your Uncommon Life

On New Year’s day, most people will create resolutions and intend to follow through with them. The key to building resolutions that last is building habits that last. We will discuss how to become an outcome-oriented and purpose-driven habit builder so you can succeed at any habit you choose. I’ll use my exercise experience as an example, but the principles apply to most other habits as well.

In today’s episode:

Resolutions are habits in disguise

Bad habits got you to where you are

Replace them with positive habits

Don’t rely on motivation

Define a clear reason for change

Focus on who you want to be, not what you want to do

Visualize the outcome you desire

Use your desired outcome to build habits

Learn to love discomfort

Plan for failure


To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

The year that shall not be named has been tough for most people. But the only constant in life is that everything changes and seasons do pass, eventually. This Christmas eve, we will discuss how to find hope in the midst of challenging times.

In this episode:

The tragic story of Horatio and Anna Spafford

Have hope that all storms pass and seasons end

Give thanks for glimmers of light

Look for lessons and opportunities

Stop complaining

To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

If you want financial freedom and the peace that comes with it, you might have to learn to be content with less. We’ll dive into my philosophy on finances and how and why I choose to live below my means. In times of lean and times of plenty, we live abundantly because we never overstretch ourselves.

In this episode:

The crazy cost of living around here

My philosophy on contentment

How contentment ties into finances

My childhood of frugality

How my husband and I live below our means and why

To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

A full life includes regret, but there's a difference between experiencing regrets and carrying them with you. To live intentionally, you must accept regret, but aim to forgive yourself so you aren't burdened by shame. As we reflect on 2020, it's important to process regret, too.

Today we’ll talk about:

Why people say they live with no regrets

Why it’s important to accept regrets as a fact of life

How to shed regret and shame

Forgiving yourself

Getting vulnerable

To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Learning to be a parent while maintaining a strong partnership with your spouse is possibly the biggest learning curve you’ll ever face. How can you nurture your marriage while raising a baby? Even if you don’t have kids yet, we’ll talk about how to fortify your relationship now so you can give your children the best gift ever - a stable, peaceful home.

In this episode:

Why cultural expectations of fathers can be harmful

How to show your child's parent the most appreciation

How to nurture your relationship, even with young children

To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Overthinking happens when we fear failure and try to control outcomes. From decisions big or small, we’d benefit from having a bias for action. We can actually train ourselves to make easier, faster decisions to develop better habits and end overthinking. We’ll discuss this, along with tools to make big decisions seem manageable. This is the first in a series of "Lessons from a corporate life," where I dive into values I learned from years at stressful jobs that can help in any situation. 

In this episode:

Why we overthink 

How failure is fact finding 

How our gut is sometimes right 

What a bias for action is and how to use it 

How to form better decision-making habits 

Reversible, low impact decisions 

Turn overwhelming decisions into manageable ones 

To read this podcast transcript, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita

 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com

 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Humans require connection. We are hardwired to live with other human beings and to feel known by them. The way we live today tends to lack meaningful connection and forces us to be very intentional in order to build relationships. Therein lies the challenge. The more intentional we have to be, the more we open ourselves up to pain and rejection. How can you overcome this fear of rejection to become more vulnerable and increase your connection with others?

Hello everyone! I am so excited to talk about friendships and relationships today. Is there any greater gift in this world than the gift of connecting with others? I feel like a lot of content is geared toward work-life balance, home organization, child rearing, exercise, and more. These are all great things to talk about and some of them are easy, fast solutions you can put into place right away. But how often do you stop to think about how enriching a great friendship can be? It takes time, work, and courage, but its value lasts a lifetime. Today we are going to talk about how vulnerability plays a key role in human connection and how fear of rejection prevents us from the closeness we crave. We are also going to bust the myth that it’s too hard to make friends as an adult. I’m really passionate about this topic because it’s been so influential in my life as I shift my priorities from things like work to motherhood and being a more peaceful person. 

I feel like vulnerability gets a bad reputation. After all, it is the state of being exposed and defenseless. In a survival situation, vulnerability can mean death. Fortunately, modern life is cushy and most of us are surviving just fine. If you have time to listen to this podcast, I doubt you’re also outrunning a bear. If you are, hats off to you. You’re an amazing multitasker! Vulnerability in human relationships also includes exposure and requires courage, but of a different kind. When we are vulnerable, we are open to pain and rejection. But we are also open to love, connection, creativity, and achievement. We have to figure out how to navigate the fear of rejection in order to be vulnerable and intentional in relationships.

My definition of vulnerability in the context of human relationships is: having the courage to be authentically yourself and having compassion for the imperfections of others....

To read this podcast transcript in its entirety, please head to my website: https://www.youruncommonlife.com/post/how-to-deepen-relationships

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita
 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Who are you? How do you want to be remembered? As a longstanding victim of workism, I give an account of my errors in trying to find identity in work and encourage you to look deeply at your priorities to discern your identity, legacy, and purpose.

People feel fulfilled when their identity is correctly placed. But it takes time to discern your identity. Identity is usually not usually something people consciously choose, though you can. Usually your identity is a weird combination of things you were told about yourself, things you see in culture, and things you subconsciously absorb throughout your life. 

If someone asked you what yours is today, you are likely to answer with your occupation. This is a symptom of workism. American culture places such a premium on work and title that people never question why they include work as part of their identity. But work is circumstantial and, often, temporary relative to the duration of our lives. If we fold work into our identity, we’re doomed to end up feeling unfulfilled as our work circumstances inevitably let us down and shift over time.

I would like to argue that you can stop being a passive participant in your identity. Your identity can include things you’ve absorbed throughout your life - there is nothing wrong with that - but you need to go deeper and analyze what makes up who you are and why you do what you do. If you understand this, you’ll start to understand your motivations and tap into being a more effective and responsible person overall. 

To read more, please visit my website at www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita
 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

This has been a tumultuous year for most of us. Isn't it time that we allowed ourselves a little grace in a time of chaos? Even in our hardest times, we can speak kindly and reset expectations with ourselves, and practice self-care as a way to relieve pressure and anxiety.

This concept of being your own friend is foundational to everything else I’m going to say. I didn’t figure this out on my own. I spent years beating myself up - I wasn’t thin enough, strong enough, popular enough, I couldn’t do everything perfectly, and more - and these neurocies followed me into adulthood and marriage where I ran into issues that forced me to be kinder to myself. 

Notably, I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago and it was devastating. I had zero control over what my body was doing and it was a physically very distressing experience for me, in addition to being emotionally gutting. 

At the time of the miscarriage, my already busy and overwhelming life suddenly felt like it was suffocating me. I had a high pressure job doing marketing consulting for technology companies, there were social and family obligations, and any marital stress or fight would always send me over the edge. On top of that, I had put pressure on myself to lose the 10 pounds I’d gained while pregnant. I wasn’t giving myself any grace or time to heal. If a friend of mine was going through a similar season, I would encourage her to give herself a break and set realistic expectations about what her body should be doing. But I didn’t give myself this same positive talk.

 If your best friend were in your shoes, what would you say to her, how would you treat her, and what kind of grace would you give her for her circumstances?

We’ll talk about the things we do and the lies we tell ourselves that keep us from being our own friend. But first, we need to understand why being our own friend is so important....

To read more, please visit my website at www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita
 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

This episode is a brief introduction to me and what this show is about. How an uncommon life, led by unconventional choices, might be the right path to peace and fulfillment.

I feel like the choices that have brought me the most happiness and reduced my stress most in this life are those that are unconventional. Although I have more than 10 years working in corporate America, I’m a stay at home mom now. I’ve walked away from six figure salaries more than once and have chosen to live well below my means. I want lots of kids, and where I live, they call people who want lots of kids breeders! Also, I am a conservative Christian living in the most unchurched part of our country. Where I live, most of my choices are counter cultural but I refuse to feel ashamed of them. I’ve also managed to do some pretty unconventional things. I used to be an amateur fighter in Muay Thai, a kickboxing sport from Thailand, and even trained in Thailand a few years ago. My experiences from years of managing people, then quitting, to fighting, and now motherhood have shaped my perspective that, sometimes happiness is found in doing things that don’t make sense, or are uncommon.

To read more, please visit my website at www.youruncommonlife.com/blog/categories/podcast-transcripts

Motivational Piano Background Music by Nikita Lukyanov | https://soundcloud.com/lukyanovnikita
 Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
 Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US