Grab your matchlocks, consult your seconds, and have a doctor handy, as our pair of rivals duel over Jean-Luc Godard’s nouvelle vague standard-bearer Breathless and Lin-Manuel Miranda’s smash musical Hamilton.

Flee for your lives, citizens, as our destructive duo lumbers its way through the original Ishiro Honda Godzilla and Roland Emmerich’s Americanized update.

Look deep into our eyes and follow us into the inky blackness of Jonathan Glazer’s mind-bender Under the Skin and the gross-out Israel/Palestine Adam Sandler vehicle You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.

Suit up, strap in, and prepare for combat as Rob and Matt dogfight over Larisa Shepitko’s postwar Soviet drama Wings and Edgar Wright’s comic book nerdgasm Scott Pilgrim vs the World.

Class is in session, folks, so grab your long pig sandwiches and strap in as our pair of wasteland wanderers dive deep on Wes Anderson’s breakthrough Rushmore and the post-apocalyptic Bible-thumper The Book of Eli.

This week our journey into madness takes us into the jungle depths of Werner Herzog’s Aguirre, the Wrath of God and Sean Connery’s accidental farewell The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Escape dull reality and slip into a full-color fantasyland with Matt and Rob as they cross katanas over Wim Wenders’ modernist fairy tale Wings of Desire and Zack Snyder’s hypersexual parable Sucker Punch. Plus: Matt’s Feudal Headbangers.

Mariska Hargitay, bitches. Lock yourself and your immediate family indoors for this evening’s entertainment as our quarantined comrades dive deep on the Yorgos Lanthimos-directed Greek Weird Wave fav Dogtooth and the Mike Myers career-killer The Love Guru. Plus: Rob goes full Pepe Silvia trying to explain The Phanton Menace.

Our odd couple tackles the Todd Haynes psychodrama Safe and the Schwarzenegger/Belushi Cold War buddy-cop flick Red Heat.

Madonn! This one’s a spicy meatball. The boys take on Vittorio di Sica’s neorealist masterpiece Bicycle Thieves and the latter-day Steven Seagal vehicle Sniper: Special Ops.