月亮与六便士【中英字幕】

Nor with such aman could you expect the appeal to conscience to be effective. You might aswell ask for a reflection without a mirror. I take it that conscience is theguardian in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for itsown preservation. It is the policeman in all our hearts, set there to watchthat we do not break its laws. It is the spy seated in the central strongholdof the ego. Man's desire for the approval of his fellows is so strong, hisdread of their censure so violent, that he himself has brought his enemy withinhis gates; and it keeps watch over him, vigilant always in the interests of itsmaster to crush any half-formed desire to break away from the herd. It willforce him to place the good of society before his own. It is the very stronglink that attaches the individual to the whole. And man, subservient tointerests he has persuaded himself are greater than his own, makes himself aslave to his taskmaster. He sits him in a seat of honour. At last, like acourtier fawning on the royal stick that is laid about his shoulders, he prideshimself on the sensitiveness of his conscience. Then he has no words hardenough for the man who does not recognise its sway; for, a member of societynow, he realises accurately enough that against him he is powerless. When I sawthat Strickland was really indifferent to the blame his conduct must excite, Icould only draw back in horror as from a monster of hardly human shape.

The last wordshe said to me when I bade him good-night were:

"Tell Amyit's no good coming after me. Anyhow, I shall change my hotel, so she wouldn'tbe able to find me. "

"My ownimpression is that she's well rid of you, " I said.

"My dearfellow, I only hope you'll be able to make her see it. But women are very unintelligent."

对于这样一个人，想要诉诸他的良心也是毫无效果的。这就象不借助镜子而想看到自己的反影一样。我把良心看作是一个人心灵中的卫兵，社会为要存在下去制订出的一套礼规全靠它来监督执行。良心是我们每人心头的岗哨，它在那里值勤站岗，监视着我们别做出违法的事情来。它是安插在自我的中心堡垒中的暗探。因为人们过于看重别人对他的意见，过于害怕舆论对他的指责，结果自己把敌人引进大门里来；于是它就在那里监视着，高度警觉地卫护着它主人的利益，一个人只要有半分离开大溜儿的想法，就马上受到它严厉苛责。它逼迫着每一个人把社会利益置于个人之上。它是把个人拘系于整体的一条牢固的链条。人们说服自己，相信某种利益大于个人利益，甘心为它效劳，结果沦为这个主子的奴隶。他把他高举到荣誉的宝座上。最后，正如同宫廷里的弄臣赞颂皇帝按在他肩头的御杖一样，他也为自己有着敏感的良心而异常骄傲。到了这一地步，对那些不肯受良心约束的人，他就会觉得怎样责骂也不过分，因为他已经是社会的一名成员，他知道得很清楚，绝对没有力量造自己的反了。当我看到思特里克兰德对他的行为肯定会引起的斥责真的无动于衷的时候，我就象见到一个奇异的怪物一样，吓得毛骨悚然，赶快缩了回去。

那天晚上在我向他告别的时候，他最后对我说的话是：

“告诉阿美，到这儿来找我是没有用的。反正我要搬家了，她是不会找到我的。”

“我的看法是，她摆脱开你未尝不是件好事，”我说。

“我亲爱的老伙计，我就希望你能够叫她看清这一点。可惜女人总是不太明智的。”

Strickland chuckled. He didnot seem discouraged. He was independent of the opinion of his fellows.

And it was just that whichhad most disconcerted me in my dealings with him. When people say they do notcare what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves.Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidencethat no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they arewilling to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they aresupported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to beunconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but theconvention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount ofself-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without theinconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation is perhaps the mostdeeply seated instinct of civilised man. No one runs so hurriedly to the coverof respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to theslings and arrows of outraged propriety. I do not believe the people who tellme they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows. It is thebravado of ignorance. They mean only that they do not fear reproaches forpeccadillos which they are convinced none will discover.

But here was a man whosincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had nohold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get agrip on him; it gave him a freedom which was an outrage. I remember saying tohim:

"Look here, if everyoneacted like you, the world couldn't go on. "

"That's a damned sillything to say. Everyone doesn't want to act like me. The great majority areperfectly content to do the ordinary thing. "

And once I sought to besatirical.

"You evidently don'tbelieve in the maxim: Act so that every one of your actions is capable of beingmade into a universal rule. "

"I never heard itbefore, but it's rotten nonsense. "

"Well, it was Kant whosaid it. "

"I don't care; it'srotten nonsense. "

思特里克兰德咯咯地笑起来。他似乎一点也没有灰心丧气。别人的意见对他是毫无影响的。

在我同他打交道的时候，正是这一点使我狼狈不堪。有人也说他不在乎别人对他的看法，但这多半是自欺欺人。一般说来，他们能够自行其是是因为相信别人都看不出来他们的怪异的想法；最甚者也是因为有几个近邻知交表示支持，才敢违背大多数人的意见行事。如果一个人违反传统实际上是他这一阶层人的常规，那他在世人面前作出违反传统的事倒也不困难。相反地，他还会为此洋洋自得。他既可以标榜自己的勇气又不致冒什么风险。但是我总觉得事事要邀获别人批准，或许是文明人类最根深蒂固的一种天性。一个标新立异的女人一旦冒犯了礼规，招致了唇枪舌剑的物议，再没有谁会象她那样飞快地跑去寻找尊严体面的庇护了。那些告诉我他们毫不在乎别人对他们的看法的人，我是绝不相信的。这只不过是一种无知的虚张声势。他们的意思是：他们相信别人根本不会发现自己的微疵小瑕，因此更不怕别人对这些小过失加以谴责了。

但是这里却有一个真正不计较别人如何看待他的人，因而传统礼规对他一点也奈何不得。他象是一个身上涂了油的角力者，你根本抓不住他。这就给了他一种自由，叫你感到火冒三丈。我还记得我对他说：

“你听我说，如果每个人都照你这样，地球就运转不下去了。”

“你说这样的话实在是太蠢了。并不是每个人都要象我这样的。绝大多数人对于他们做的那些平平常常的事是心满意足的。”

我想挖苦他一句。

“有一句格言你显然并不相信：凡人立身行事，务使每一行为堪为万人楷模。”

“我从来没听说过，但这是胡说八道。”

“你不知道，这是康德说的。”

“随便是谁说的，反正是胡说八道。”

But how strangeit was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker, tohis own ruin, perhaps, and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him;and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men,powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last,conquered, they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women forthe painful austerities of the cloister. Conversion may come under many shapes,and it may be brought about in many ways. With some men it needs a cataclysm,as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent; but with someit comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a dropof water. Strickland had the directness of the fanatic and the ferocity of the apostle.

But to mypractical mind it remained to be seen whether the passion which obsessed himwould be justified of its works. When I asked him what his brother-students atthe night classes he had attended in London thought of his painting, heanswered with a grin:

"Theythought it a joke. "

"Have youbegun to go to a studio here?"

"Yes. Theblighter came round this morning -- the master, you know; when he saw mydrawing he just raised his eyebrows and walked on. "

但是奇怪的是，这种创作欲竟会抓住了一个头脑有些迟钝的证券经纪人，可能导致他的毁灭，使那些依靠他生活的人陷入不幸。但是如果同上帝的玄旨妙义有时竟也把人们抓住这一点比起来，倒也不足为奇。这些人有钱有势，可是上帝却极其警觉地对他们紧追不舍，直到最后把他们完全征服，这时他们就抛弃掉世俗的欢乐、女人的爱情，甘心到寺院中过着凄苦冷清的生活。皈依能以不同的形态出现，也可以通过不同的途径实现。有一些人通过激变，有如愤怒的激流把石块一下子冲击成齑粉；另一些人则由于日积月累，好象不断的水滴，迟早要把石块磨穿。思特里克兰德有着盲信者的直截了当和使徒的狂热不羁。

但是以我讲求实际的眼睛看来，使他着了迷的这种热情是否能产生出有价值的作品来，还有待时间证明。等我问起他在伦敦学画时夜校的同学对他的绘画如何评价的时候，他笑了笑说：

“他们觉得我是在闹着玩。”

“你到了这里以后，开始进哪个绘画学校了么？”

“进了。今天早晨那个笨蛋还到我住的地方来过——我是说那个老师，你知道；他看了我的画以后，只是把眉毛一挑，连话也没说就走了。

During thejourney back to England I thought much of Strickland. I tried to set in orderwhat I had to tell his wife. It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imaginethat she would be content with me; I was not content with myself. Stricklandperplexed me. I could not understand his motives. When I had asked him whatfirst gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling to tellme. I could make nothing of it. I tried to persuade myself than an obscurefeeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind, but tochallenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatiencewith the monotony of his life. If, seized by an intolerable boredom, he haddetermined to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties, it would havebeen comprehensible, and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely what I felthe was not. At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which Iacknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any waysatisfied me. It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soulsome deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life hadobscured, but which grew relentlessly, as a cancer may grow in the livingtissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced himirresistibly to action. The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, andwhen the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaksat last the nest that has sheltered it. 

在回伦敦的旅途上，关于思特里克兰德我又想了很多。我试着把要告诉他妻子的事理出一个头绪来。事情办得并不妙，我想象得出，她不会对我感到满意的，我对自己也不满意。思特里克兰德叫我迷惑不解。我不明白他行事的动机。当我问他，他最初为什么想起要学绘画的时候，他没能给我说清楚，也许他根本就不愿意告诉我。我一点儿也搞不清楚。我企图这样解释这件事：在他的迟钝的心灵中逐渐产生了一种朦胧模糊的反叛意识。但是，一件不容置疑的事实却驳斥了上述解释：他对自己过去那种单调的生活从来没有流露出什么厌烦不耐啊。如果他只是无法忍受无聊的生活而决心当一个画家，以图挣脱烦闷的枷锁，这是可以理解的，也是极其平常的事；但是问题在于，我觉得他绝对不是一个平常的人。最后，也许我有些罗曼蒂克，我想象出一个解释来，尽管这个解释有些牵强，却是唯一能使我感到满意的。那就是：我怀疑是否在他的灵魂中深深埋藏着某种创作的欲望，这种欲望尽管为他的生活环境掩盖着，却一直在毫不留情地膨胀壮大，正象肿瘤在有机组织中不断长大一样，直到最后完全把他控制住，逼得他必须采取行动，毫无反抗能力。杜鹃把蛋下到别的鸟巢里，当雏鸟孵出以后，就把它的异母兄弟们挤出巢外，最后还要把庇护它的巢窝毁掉。

"I thinkyou've made a conquest, " I laughed.

"I'm notflattered. "

In his place Ishould have been more embarrassed and less calm. She had laughing eyes and amost charming mouth. She was young. I wondered what she found so attractive inStrickland. She made no secret of her desires, and I was bidden to translate.

"She wantsyou to go home with her. "

"I'm nottaking any, " he replied.

I put hisanswer as pleasantly as I could. It seemed to me a little ungracious to declinean invitation of that sort, and I ascribed his refusal to lack of money.

"But Ilike him, " she said. "Tell him it's for love. "

When Itranslated this, Strickland shrugged his shoulders impatiently.

"Tell herto go to hell, " he said.

His manner madehis answer quite plain, and the girl threw back her head with a sudden gesture.Perhaps she reddened under her paint. She rose to her feet.

"Monsieurn'est pas poli, " she said.

She walked outof the inn. I was slightly vexed.

"Therewasn't any need to insult her that I can see, " I said. "After all,it was rather a compliment she was paying you. "

"That sortof thing makes me sick, " he said roughly.

I looked at himcuriously. There was a real distaste in his face, and yet it was the face of acoarse and sensual man. I suppose the girl had been attracted by a certainbrutality in it.

I could havegot all the women I wanted in London. I didn't come here for that. "

“我想你把一颗心征服了。”我笑着说。

“我并不感到得意。”

如果我换在他的地位上，我会感到很困窘，也不会象他这样心平气静。这个女人生着一双笑眼，一张很可爱的嘴。她很年轻。我奇怪她在思特里克兰德身上发现了什么吸引她的地方。她一点儿也不想隐瞒自己的要求，她叫我把她说的都翻译出来。

“她要你把她带回家去。”

“我用不着女人。”他回答。

我尽量把他的回答说得很婉转；我觉得拒绝这种邀请有些太不礼貌了。我向她解释，他是因为没有钱才拒绝的。

“但是我喜欢他，”她说，“告诉他是为了爱情。”

当我把她的话翻译出以后，思特里克兰德不耐烦地耸了耸肩膀。

“告诉她叫她快滚蛋。”他说。

他的神色清楚地表明了他的意思，女孩子一下子把头向后一扬。也许在她涂抹的脂粉下脸也红起来。她站起身来。

“这位先生太不懂得礼貌①。”她说。

①原文为法语。

她走出酒馆，我觉得有些生气。

“我看不出你有什么必要这样侮辱她，”我说，“不管怎么说，她这样做还是看得起你啊。”

“这种事叫我恶心，”他没好气地说。

我好奇地打量了他一会儿。他的脸上确实有一种厌恶的神情，然而这却是一张粗野的、显现着肉欲的脸。我猜想吸引了那个女孩子的正是他脸上的这种粗野。

“我在伦敦想要什么女人都可以弄到手，我不是为这个到巴黎来的。”

But though hesaid nothing of any consequence, there was something in his personality whichprevented him from being dull. Perhaps it was sincerity. He did not seem tocare much about the Paris he was now seeing for the first time (I did not countthe visit with his wife), and he accepted sights which must have been strangeto him without any sense of astonishment. I have been to Paris a hundred times,and it never fails to give me a thrill of excitement; I can never walk itsstreets without feeling myself on the verge of adventure. Strickland remainedplacid. Looking back, I think now that he was blind to everything but to somedisturbing vision in his soul.

One ratherabsurd incident took place. There were a number of harlots in the tavern: somewere sitting with men, others by themselves; and presently I noticed that oneof these was looking at us. When she caught Strickland's eye she smiled. I donot think he saw her. In a little while she went out, but in a minute returnedand, passing our table, very politely asked us to buy her something to drink.She sat down and I began to chat with her; but, it was plain that her interestwas in Strickland. I explained that he knew no more than two words of French.She tried to talk to him, partly by signs, partly in pidgin French, which, forsome reason, she thought would be more comprehensible to him, and she had halfa dozen phrases of English. She made me translate what she could only expressin her own tongue, and eagerly asked for the meaning of his replies. He wasquite good-tempered, a little amused, but his indifference was obvious.

但是虽然他说不出什么有意义的话来，他的性格中却有一种东西使你觉得他这人一点也不乏味。或许这是由于他非常真挚。他对于第一次见到的巴黎（我没有算他同他妻子来度蜜月那一次）好象并不怎样好奇，对于那些对他说来肯定是非常新奇的景象并不感到惊异。我自己来巴黎少说有一百次了，可是哪次来都免不了兴奋得心头飘忽忽的，走在巴黎街头我总觉得随时都会经历到一场奇遇。思特里克兰德却始终声色不动。现在回想这件事，我认为他当时根本什么也看不到，他看到的只是搅动着他灵魂的一些幻景。

这时发生了一件有些荒唐的事。酒馆里有几个妓女；有的同男人坐在一起，有的独自坐在那里。我们没进去多久，我就注意到其中的一个总是瞟着我们。当她的眼睛同思特里克兰德的目光相遇以后，她向他作了个笑脸。我想思特里克兰德根本没有注意她。过了一会儿她从酒馆里走了出去，但是马上又走进来；在经过我们座位的时候，她很有礼貌地请我们给她买一点什么喝的。她坐下来，我同她闲聊起来，但是她的目标显然是思特里克兰德。我对她讲，他法文只懂几个字。她试着同他讲了几句，一半用手势，一半用外国人说的蹩脚法语，不知为什么，她认为这种话他更容易懂，另外，她倒也会说五六句英国话。有的话她只能用法国话说，她就叫我给她翻译，而且热切地向我打听他回话的意思。思特里克兰德脾气很好，甚至还觉得这件事有些好笑，但是显然根本没有把她看在眼里。

I dare say itwould have been more seemly to decline this proposal. I think perhaps I shouldhave made a show of the indignation I really felt, and I am sure that ColonelMacAndrew at least would have thought well of me if I had been able to reportmy stout refusal to sit at the same table with a man of such character. But thefear of not being able to carry it through effectively has always made me shyof assuming the moral attitude; and in this case the certainty that mysentiments would be lost on Strickland made it peculiarly embarrassing to utterthem. Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the confidentanticipation that lilies will reward his labour.

I paid for whatwe had drunk, and we made our way to a cheap restaurant, crowded and gay, wherewe dined with pleasure. I had the appetite of youth and he of a hardenedconscience. Then we went to a tavern to have coffee and liqueurs.

I had said allI had to say on the subject that had brought me to Paris, and though I felt itin a manner treacherous to Mrs. Strickland not to pursue it, I could notstruggle against his indifference. It requires the feminine temperament torepeat the same thing three times with unabated zest. I solaced myself bythinking that it would be useful for me to find out what I could aboutStrickland's state of mind. It also interested me much more. But this was notan easy thing to do, for Strickland was not a fluent talker. He seemed toexpress himself with difficulty, as though words were not the medium with whichhis mind worked; and you had to guess the intentions of his soul by hackneyedphrases, slang, and vague, unfinished gestures. 

我知道更合体的作法是拒绝他的邀请。我想也许我该把我真正感到的气愤显示一番，如果我回去以后能够向他们汇报，我如何一口拒绝了同这种品行的人共进晚餐的邀请，起码麦克安德鲁上校会对我表示好感的。但是我总是害怕这出戏自己演得不象，而且不能一直演到底，这就妨碍了我装出一副道貌岸然的样子。再说，我肯定知道，我的表演在思特里克兰德身上不会引起任何反响，这就更加使我难以把辞谢的话说出口了。只有诗人同圣徒才能坚信，在沥青路面上辛勤浇水会培植出百合花来。

我付了酒账，同他走到一家廉价的餐馆去。我们在这家顾客拥挤的热闹的餐馆里痛痛快快吃了一顿晚餐。我们俩胃口都很好，我是因为年轻，他是因为良心已经麻木。这以后我们到一家酒店去喝咖啡和甜酒。

关于这件使我来到巴黎的公事，该说的话我都已经说了，虽然我觉得就这样半半拉拉地把这件事放下手对思特里克兰德太太似乎有背叛之嫌，我却实在无法再同思特里克兰德的冷漠抗争了。只有女性才能以不息的热情把同一件事重复三遍。我自我安慰地想，尽力了解一下思特里克兰德的心境对我还是有用的。再说，我对这个也更感到兴趣。但这并不是一件容易事，因为思特里克兰德不是一个能说会道的人。他表白自己似乎非常困难，倒好象言语并不是他的心灵能运用自如的工具似的。你必须通过他的那些早被人们用得陈腐不堪的词句、那些粗陋的俚语、那些既模糊又不完全的手势才能猜测他的灵魂的意图。

 Iwondered what a stranger would have taken him to be, sitting there in his oldNorfolk jacket and his unbrushed bowler; his trousers were baggy, his handswere not clean; and his face, with the red stubble of the unshaved chin, thelittle eyes, and the large, aggressive nose, was uncouth and coarse. His mouthwas large, his lips were heavy and sensual. No; I could not have placed him.

"You won'tgo back to your wife?" I said at last.

"Never."

"She'swilling to forget everything that's happened and start afresh. She'll nevermake you a single reproach. "

"She cango to hell. "

"You don'tcare if people think you an utter blackguard? You don't care if she and yourchildren have to beg their bread?"

"Not adamn. "

I was silentfor a moment in order to give greater force to my next remark. I spoke asdeliberately as I could.

"You are amost unmitigated cad. "

"Now that you'vegot that off your chest, let's go and have dinner. "

他坐在那里，穿着一件破旧的诺弗克上衣，戴着顶早就该拂拭的圆顶帽，我真不知道一个陌生人会把他当做什么人。他的裤腿象两只口袋，手并不很干净，下巴上全是红胡子茬，一对小眼睛，撅起的大鼻头，脸相又笨拙又粗野。他的嘴很大，厚厚的嘴唇给人以耽于色欲的感觉。不成，我无法判定他是怎样一类人。

“你不准备回到你妻子那里去了？”最后我开口说。

“永远不回去了。”

“她可是愿意把发生的这些事全都忘掉，一切从头开始。她一句话也不责备你。”

“让她见鬼去吧！”

“你不在乎别人把你当做个彻头彻尾的坏蛋吗？你不在乎你的妻子儿女去讨饭吗？”

“一点也不在乎。”

我沉默了一会儿，为了使我底下这句话有更大的力量。我故意把一个个的字吐得真真切切。

“你是个不折不扣的混蛋。”

“成了，你现在把压在心上的话已经说出来了，咱们可以去吃饭了。”

"How oldare you? Twenty-three?"

It seemed to methat the question was beside the point. It was natural that I should takechances; but he was a man whose youth was past, a stockbroker with a positionof respectability, a wife and two children. A course that would have beennatural for me was absurd for him. I wished to be quite fair.

"Of coursea miracle may happen, and you may be a great painter, but you must confess thechances are a million to one against it. It'll be an awful sell if at the endyou have to acknowledge you've made a hash of it. "

"I've gotto paint, " he repeated.

"Supposingyou're never anything more than third-rate, do you think it will have beenworth while to give up everything? After all, in any other walk in life itdoesn't matter if you're not very good; you can get along quite comfortably ifyou're just adequate; but it's different with an artist. "

"Youblasted fool, " he said.

"I don'tsee why, unless it's folly to say the obvious. "

"I tellyou I've got to paint. I can't help myself. When a man falls into the water itdoesn't matter how he swims, well or badly: he's got to get out or else he'lldrown. "

There was realpassion in his voice, and in spite of myself I was impressed. I seemed to feelin him some vehement power that was struggling within him; it gave me thesensation of something very strong, overmastering, that held him, as it were,against his will. I could not understand. He seemed really to be possessed of adevil, and I felt that it might suddenly turn and rend him. Yet he lookedordinary enough. My eyes, resting on him curiously, caused him noembarrassment. 

“你多大年纪？二十三岁？”

我觉得他提这个问题与我们谈的事毫不相干。如果我想碰碰运气做一件什么事的话，这是极其自然的事；但是他的青年时代早已过去了，他是一个有身份有地位的证券经纪人，家里有一个老婆、两个孩子。对我说来是自然的道路在他那里就成为荒谬悻理的了。但是我还是想尽量对他公道一些。

“当然了，也许会发生奇迹，你也许会成为一个大画家。但你必须承认，这种可能性是微乎其微的。假如到头来你不得不承认把事情搞得一塌糊涂，你就后悔莫及了。”

“我必须画画儿，”他又重复了一句。

“假如你最多只能成为一个三流画家，你是不是还认为值得把一切都抛弃掉呢？不管怎么说，其他各行各业，假如你才不出众，并没有多大关系；只要还能过得去，你就能够舒舒服服地过日子；但是当一个艺术家完全是另一码事。”

“你他妈的真是个傻瓜。”他说。

“我不知道你为什么这么说，除非我这样把最明显的道理说出来是在干傻事。”

“我告诉你我必须画画儿。我由不了我自己。一个人要是跌进水里，他游泳游得好不好是无关紧要的，反正他得挣扎出去，不然就得淹死。”

他的语音里流露着一片热诚，我不由自主地被他感动了。我好象感觉到一种猛烈的力量正在他身体里面奋力挣扎；我觉得这种力量非常强大，压倒一切，仿佛违拗着他自己的意志，并把他紧紧抓在手中。我理解不了。他似乎真的让魔鬼附体了，我觉得他可能一下子被那东西撕得粉碎。但是从表面上看，他却平平常常。我的眼睛好奇地盯着他，他却一点也不感到难为情。

"Butyou're forty. "

"That'swhat made me think it was high time to begin. "

"Have youever painted?"

"I ratherwanted to be a painter when I was a boy, but my father made me go into businessbecause he said there was no money in art. I began to paint a bit a year ago.For the last year I've been going to some classes at night. "

"Was thatwhere you went when Mrs. Strickland thought you were playing bridge at yourclub?"

"That'sit. "

"Whydidn't you tell her?"

"Ipreferred to keep it to myself. "

"Can youpaint?"

"Not yet.But I shall. That's why I've come over here. I couldn't get what I wanted inLondon. Perhaps I can here. "

"Do youthink it's likely that a man will do any good when he starts at your age? Mostmen begin painting at eighteen. "

"I canlearn quicker than I could when I was eighteen. "

"Whatmakes you think you have any talent?"

He did notanswer for a minute. His gaze rested on the passing throng, but I do not thinkhe saw it. His answer was no answer.

"I've gotto paint. "

"Aren'tyou taking an awful chance?"

He looked atme. His eyes had something strange in them, so that I felt ratheruncomfortable.

“可是你已经四十了。”

“正是因为这个我才想，如果现在再不开始就太晚了。”

“你过去画过画儿吗？”

“我小的时候很想作个画家，可是我父亲叫我去作生意，因为他认为学艺术赚不了钱。一年以前我开始画了点儿画。去年我一直在夜校上课。”

“思特里克兰德太太以为你在俱乐部玩桥牌的时间你都是去上课吗？”

“对了。”

“你为什么不告诉她？”

“我觉得还是别让她知道好。”

“你能够画了吗？”

“还不成。但是我将来能够学会的。正是为了这个我才到巴黎来。在伦敦我得不到我要求的东西。也许在这里我会得到的。”

“你认为象你这样年纪的人开始学画还能够学得好吗？大多数人都是十八岁开始学。”

“如果我十八岁学，会比现在学得快一些。”

“你怎么会认为自己还有一些绘画的才能？”

他并没有马上回答我的问题。他的目光停在过往的人群上，但是我认为他什么也没有看见。最后他回答我的话根本算不上是回答。

“我必须画画儿。”

“你这样做是不是完全在碰运气？”

这时他把目光转到我身上。他的眼睛里有一种奇怪的神情，叫我觉得不太舒服。