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With this episode of the famed Stinker Madness Podcast we prepare for 1997's Starship Troopers from master of stuff, Paul Verhoeven. Despite having a solid IMDB user rating, the critics panned it. Does Johnny Rico get better with age? Can Denise Richards be more than just walking boobs? IS the only good bug a dead bug?
For 25 years, people have been celebrating a film about a FBI guy spending 3/4 of the movie trying to get fired and perhaps sent to prison, while steadily falling in love with a dude brah. Since its release apparently no one has watched it because this crap stinks and not in good ways.
There's quite a few more problems with the film including the casting of Lori Petty, how Patrick Swayze looks (he looks like an insane homeless person, he does NOT look cool), the extended "way too much information" dialogue between strangers, so much damn slo-motion, characters make choices that conflict with their entire idiom, there's shots of people/things that are there just to look cool and not to contribute to the story.
Point Break is just a 5/10. Stop it with your nostalgia for this film. Put aside your 13 year old boy love for Bodhi and Johnny Utah.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:
Johnny Utah finally graces our presence in Kathryn Bigelow's second appearance on the show. Can it POSSIBLY be a good movie? Can it be a bad movie that everyone thinks is good? Or is it just the same as her Near Dark and just meh? Least Busey is in it.
Telekinesis limited to 8 ft range and 40 lbs. - 6.5 stars
For years people have been requesting a remake of a really stupid and poorly thought out 90's movie with horrendous acting and too many "dude bros" and then make it much much stupider. Wait...no one asked for that? Then wait the hell is the point of Point Break (2015)?
The story of 2015's Point Break is truly one of the more poorly thought plots in recent memory. Johnny Utah must go undercover into some extreme guys again and to do it he must also do extreme stuff to build up their trust. There the plot similarity ends. The real dumb stuff is the motivation of Bodhi and his crew. They are going to save the Earth (environmentally, ie. "Mans progress is totally harshing my groove, bro" crap)...by doing 8 extreme sport/stunts. Yup. Save the Earth by jumping off stuff. Now one can argue that they are environmental terrorists who are going to stop corporations from damaging the Earth by extreme criminality but at no point would any of their stunts do that, one, in fact, damages the Earth more than the activity they are preventing and then halfway through the movie, they just give up on that completely and just do extreme sports so, as Bodhi puts it, "become one with the Earth". If only "becoming one with the Earth" meant splattering into the side of it at terminal velocity.
The story is the only fun bad thing in it. Its absolutely not worth viewing by anyone as it rides in that black hole of "not good" and "not very bad" that films fall into. Maybe its worth viewing if you have the flu and are hopped up on NyQuil...
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:
In what very well may be the worst mad scientist plan of all time, Professor Stoner (didn't make that up) turns innocent David from Man to Snakeman to.....well mongoose lunch. It's ssssssso ssssssstupid! It should be mentioned that no other film on this podcast is as worthy of being a MST3K episode.
The film is not a fantastically fun time. There's periods of nothing happening and just shots of snakes and/or montages of David suffering from his condition. In truth there is only about 15 minutes worth of plot in this movie, but the end is so incredibly ssssssstupid that it can't be missed.
Over the top action:
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Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
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Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:
This week Justin rolls the dice on maybe the worst movie title of all time. Seriously, try to tell your friends your watching Sssssss and listen how it comes out of your mouth. Onomatopoeia should never be used in film titles. But we think its about snake men...
Fish Man - 6.5 stars
In the year 1994, disco has become such a force in culture that record producers can rule the government forcing the citizens of Earth to face prison time and social rejection if they are not down with "BIM"...we still aren't sure what BIM is but apparently you must be down with it. However, we are not.
This movie stinks! Wow is this not how you make a movie and its such a mess that it becomes a spectacle. Normally, movies that predict the future are pretty off in their predictions of how we live but this one is WAAAAYYYY off. I don't remember glam in 1994's music. Maybe I misses something but I don't remember flannel having alot of glitter on it. But this film just can't believe that disco and "The Bay City Rollers" weren't going to rule music.
However, the film is such a total disaster that there is a level of fun to it. The other primary bonus is that the film is short. You're not stuck in misery for way too long. There is only a few moments of pain that you must suffer from such as songs that run on too long and are crap to get to all of the good stuff. Without spoilers the ending is well worth the crappy parts to get to. Its not a great bad movie but its good enough for a viewing.
Over the top action:
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Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
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Good Movie Quality:
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Jackie brings us her third musical mess with 1980's The Apple from Cannon Films, directed by none other than Menaham Golan. Can it beat out other similarily crappy 1980 films Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu?
Shitting Telepathy
Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right.
Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from Biggles: Adventure in Time and "Stargrove" from Never Too Young To Die.
Yor: The Hunter from the Future is one heck of a good time and is required viewing for any fan of the swords and sandals genre, as long as you like stupid crap.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:
For years, Sam has been praising Yor: The Hunter from the Future and now its finally time to share it's hunky goodness with the rest of the world. Let the scantily clad ladies fill our eyeballs.
The Super Penis