TREVOR "HEGELBON" STRUNK, host of the No Cartridge podcast joins us for 2017's Eat, Play, Love and: Veterinary Professionals' Day! ... Hallmark spousal osmosis ... Sneaky weirdness ... We Rate Dogs: The Movie ... Wisdom by tchochke ... The Expositional Challenge... Very relatable dog-related senior citizen B-plot ... Sexless chat with the pair Most Likely to Get Married ... Peppy ponytail guy, sans ponytail ... Gymboree Club Fed, for dogs ... Emotionally constipated time-travel paradox ... College: The #1 mistake ... Dave's Theory of Hallmark Estrangement Stasis ... Breakup without conflict, reconciliation without effort or apology ... Spot the Angel: Ice cream Michelle vs. Beasley's increasing dog calamities ... Classic Lines: Trendy elementary school glasses, overalls, bad sweaters, comfortable Lindsay Wagner ... Eat Your Heart Out: Crepes? It's crepes!; salad sauce; steak 'n' cantaloupe; "I have so many flavors right now" ... Insulting or pandering? ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Kristi's informercial and Christmastown romance; Tulipomania! ... Overdetermined: Carly's closing "Ich bin ein this dog" speech; dog emotional projection; Kristi's evil; found in a ditch; Beasley knows who loves you ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: A Princess Declawed... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Nope ... Partner Chat: Sharing a story is good, the movie not as much; ad-libbed Twitter bio ... Mike Francesa on Twitter ... Leftovers: It's A Dog's Life With Union Carbide ... Hot or cold? ... The Canine Connector ... Shopping montage ... Plugs and Internet Badboy Jesse Farrar ... It's not Hall of Fame, Veterans Committee, it's not Hall of Fame! ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Walking the Dog," by Rufus Thomas • "Wait You Dog," by Mabel John • "The Dog," by Rufus Thomas • "Dog Police," by Dog Police • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #9 • Opening and closing interstitial music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne.