It’s time for some failed harlequin romance Oscar buzz and that means we are talking 1993′s Sommersby. A post-Civil War era love story of overtaken identity and languorous beard shaving, the presence of a post-Silence of the Lambs Jodie Foster had us thinking this weepy could be Oscar-bound. But as the dueling elements of Richard Gere’s non-accent and Foster’s scream-whisper will attest, we were so wrong.

As if the gaslighting by oil lamp wasn’t enough to warn us, the movie is fairly cringeworthy in its plot mechanics and ripping off of the third act of The Crucible. We get into Sommersby’s mishaps this episode as well as Gere’s Oscar shutout vs. Foster as one of Oscar’s golden children, making out while protecting expensive seeds, and the Great Cuckold of 1993, Bill Pullman. We never loved not this movie as much as we loved this movie.

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