JAY W. FRIEDMAN and CHRIS COLLISION of IDEOTV get incredible value with Garage Store Mysteries: Murder By Text (2017) and: Dual Hallmark noobs ... Lori Loughlin Recognition Station ... Movies for people in the kitchen ... Papyrus credits ... Cozy mystery love ... Older actresses, missed faces ... The Expositional Challenge ... Drunk/mumblecore husband ... Condo-blocking dad ... Sarah Strange: Great actress, bad C-plot ... I am under your sink, look at all these crystals ... How was this as a mystery? ... Don't remind audiences of better works ... John Bender's Dad's Garage Stain Mysteries ... Spot the Criminal: Manager, city planning at sea, overthinking, budget Breckin Meyer, can't make the POC the killer ... Eat Your Heart Out: Donut or bear claw?, sex omelette, giant mom wineglass, pander or empathy?, parental cooking shade ... Bumper-clowned by your daughter ... Contractor foiled by stickers ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Janeway Holodeck episodes, fired under an assumed name at Cartwright's ... Overdetermined: Christie/Conan Doyle callbacks/misquotes, junk store security clearance and tour shopping, "True To You" overemphasis, active imagination and a flash drive ... Crossover: Developer Dad starts a Ski School, Dalton Riverdale, Ditech Detective's World of Humiliation, Dalton's Road House ... DALTON Chat ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: "Garage Rock Mystery: Murder by Skank" ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Flying colors, but with Bud Bundy-Level brother work ... Leftovers: One of the least plausible live-music depictions possible ... Where's the real noose, the voided bowers and the petechial hemorrhaging? ... Wiseass mortician ... Hijab via Laura Ashley ... Animated vs. Brooding Loughlin ... Contractors LOVE historical designations ... Drunk, Boomhauer-ass dad ... Half-Stalloned, unemployed secret construction detective ... Dad detective ... Fake Google ... Getting watched watching Hallmark ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Watching the Detectives" by Elvis Costello • "The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #4 • Click to listen to Chris, Jay and Jeb discuss "The Way of the Shadow Wolves."