SARA KATE WILKINSON returns to exquisitely loath The Mistletoe Inn and: The world's worst writing metaphor ... THEME ... Sara Kate hates the movie and the lead ... NOT a crush on Alicia Witt ... Too nuanced an actress to nail broad antic/slapstick (still not a crush) ... David Alpay nod ... The Expositional Challenge: Pseudonymous Revenge ... 9/11 non-existence and surprise plane tickets ... A Scandinavian Doubletree ... A whole movie of "that's not a thing" ... Residence Inn outside, Holiday Inn lobby, office building rooms ... Accidentally authentic conference alienation ... Who runs this conference and for whom? ... What is this writing competition??? ... Snow dementia ... Spot the Angel: Each other's angels, or Sam ... Flawed tweed/male-writer subplot ... HT Cowell should work for Brazzers ... Eat Your Heart Out: Lifelong preemptive quitter vs. Christmas-themed and writer cocktails vs. Nut cart vs. Crepe cart vs. Hotel clown show vs. Turkey roast! vs. SO rude ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Boutique Christmas-romance publisher vs. News frolic vs. Same main street ... Overdetermined: Stakes reminder vs. Shattered keynote speaker vs. "Take a risk!" vs. INSANE breakup clip vs. When your rounding error correction is a round error vs. EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITING IS WRONG ... Crossover: Sara Kate's Queen Latifah pull vs. Turkish Stephen King/In the Mouth of Christmas vs. Defeat ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, but yes. Partner Chat: Wrongly equating success with self, candle continuity ... Hotel Leone trutherism: taller than the Chrysler Building, wall AC units, stores and spaces in Vancouver's historic Sinclair Center, Sam should be HT Cowell, INSANE SUICIDE PROLOGUE, Insufficient motivation ... Leftovers: CHRISTMAS. TREE. LOT. FUNDA. MENTALS ... Alicia Witt: Unnatural runner, natural 3/4 arm slot ... Team Rude ... So f*ck you, Edith Wharton ... Nutcracker ... Rating: Tangy and Unsettling ... We did it! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "New Word," by Alicia Witt and "About Me," by Alicia Witt • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #7 • Follow Sara Kate here!