It's 2017's THE PERFECT CATCH and we are ready to: Play ball! ... Macho Man Randy Savage: fundamentally extreme, underappreciated ballplayer ... Doc Hollywooded in New England ... Rising Sun: racism, nudity, choking ... The Tia Carrere expanded universe ... Other people's driving paranoia ... Why are we talking about reiki healing? ... A rolling thunder of ailments ... Boneskin's waiting ... Kid looks like Ben Shapiro ... The Expositional Challenge ... Dave trusted his stuff too much ... Tea-sipping parents and Herb the insurance salesman ... The Agatha Christie Chart of Casual Late-Imperial Racism ... A replacement-level romcom without enough time to develop its stuff ... The CUP List: "Botown"; Kevin Goldstein's scouting report; throwing eephus pucks; an empty $40-$90 million career; Troy Percival's spasmodic intensity; pitching face; Byung-hyun Kim; insane negging father; no retirement plan ... "Friends on set" ... Spot the Angel: Everyone is everyone's; Newhart refugee ... Eat Your Heart Out: Omelet envy; avocado bankruptcy; good food choices; what is with all the food trucks???; universal dumplings ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Fan-service listing all co-localities; the wet park of Blair/Daniel Jackson; wet, trampled grass in mottled fields; remembering borked ballfields; dirt viscosity ... Overdetermined: Everything expository from Wes/Shapiro ... Crossover: Twin Peaks, Fox Mulder and Ice Cube; shoplifting the pootie; Ben Shapiro getting dribbled ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Ambiguous! ... Partner Chat: Wes the Whinebucket; French new wave film; "one of us!"; no visible falls; small town, no economy; useless misogyny about sports moms; "tornado and cicada season"; no diner in a town of 2,000 needs to advertise; diner menu "bluff" items ... PLUGGING! ... Leftovers: Colbie Caillat ... Diner closes at 9 ... Leaving Botown for SoCal ... New LA experiences ... He has a carphone and looks at himself in the mirror ... Boyfriend dating Jessica so she can buy alcohol ... Le Specter • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Speaking From The Heart," by Macho Man Randy Savage • "Talkin' Softball" by The Simpsons • "Did You See Jackie Robinson Hit That Ball?" by Count Basie and His Orchestra • NFL Primetime Theme #8 • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne