STACEY GOTSULIAS has comps and will travel for PUPPY LOVE (2012) and: A Parental Advisory from TV's Andy Levy ... THEME ... No regrets ... Jeb picked a turkey ... Actor athleticism ... Terminally predictable ... 18 minutes of abandonment and anxiety ... Collar foley work ... The Expositional Challenge: Called for rain ... How we bork the Expositional Challenge ... Plot wrap-up ... Jamie Moyer and John Franco's hospice ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Gail vs. Jake The Dog ... Darin Erstad dog comp ... Watching dog trauma ... Dogs are more three-dimensional than Hallmark plots ... Gail, a normal person ... Old person's name ... Eat Your Heart Out: Day-drinking; butt chugging; 50 pizza lies; Phoenix pizza; hand-tossed pizza comps; one pound of brie; stolen joint of meat; Candace Cameron's NY secret ... BREAK ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: The Art Thou Botown Minor League Org Chart and Joe Theismann's Sports Agency vs. All Things Valentine radio trash talk vs. The Mariah Carey Long Island Ohio Expanded Universe ... Classic Lines: CandyCams' stiletto heels, Victor Webster's height, method shoe acting, a paper bag full of women's shoes, Wilpon/Wilpoff, piss-take $500 shoe design; not looking like a college professor ... Not the worst CandyCams performance, but ... Who falls for someone this brittle? ... Foosball, sure, but the house I don't buy ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: "Who settles for Megan?" vs. Gail punching holes in plot urgency vs. Where's my f*cking dog??? ... Crossover: Death Ship or Ghost Ship; Candace Cameron in The Running Man; Ryles, buddy comedy guy; not the guy who drinks your fat; Jerry Maguire, but with the Mets ... Intentional Talk ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Passes by letter, but not spirit; incredibly thoughtless tiger mom real-estate decisions ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Ryles or maybe Megan or maybe everybody ... The Great American Novel ... Leon Uris ... Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 1 ... Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson ... Movie Rating: 1 ... The Leftovers: Totally struck out ... Where does Ryles live? ... Lambrusco Co. ... You gonna retire from old age soon? ... Moe, don't throw out those bobbleheads! ... Traded to New Jersey ... Hallmark's concept of the Disabled List ... Longing montage without longing ... Inland Empire-level pacing violations ... BREAK ... IMDB dive on Harvey Frost: Midnight Heat (1995), Tim Matheson, burly owner ... The Brittany Murphy Story ... My Secret Identity and Out of This World ... Steve Bacic, A Professor of Sports ... Aunt kisses and post-credits horniness ... German obedience school ... The Roanfield Post, Poegos in the Series, jump back to A2, money ruins sports and Prairie Chicken on the Field Has the Padres Crying Foul ... Never dated a player before ... Authentic Heineken ... Plugs ... Super Train ... Merry Christmas • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Baseball Boogie," by Mabel Scott • "Knock It out of the Park," by Sam and Dave • "Talkin' Baseball," by Nancy Bea Hefley • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane