SARA KATE WILKINSON exclaims YOU'RE BACON ME CRAZY (2020) and we choose between: The heart or the sandwich ... THEME ... No! Plans! Til Flag Day! ... Governor-Mayor prank fight ... "Kind of a DUI Guy" ... Jamaican Me Crazy ... Oover ... Donut Go Breaking My Heart ... Zero conflict ... Sara Kate check-in: These are slickly generic now ... A boring misunderstanding of food trucks ... Framed-photo food truck ... Dull, but adult! ... Sous vide chicken breast ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Olivia Steele-Falconer and Rhiannon Fish ... The Expositional Challenge: 39 seconds, a new record ... Plot Mop-Up: Food truck followers; disputed BLP; a tepid chef's past; a family realty ... Spot the Angel: "A plot was discharged" ... Tessa saboteur ... Cleo Martinelli's blonde pizza gestures ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: WTC Skyline Chili in Portland; Nate's Kevin Love trajectory; Casey Manderson as Brittany Bristow; tulips, Dellavadova, sandwiches and Quato; page A1 Amy Acker restaurant review ... Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt for the Bonefish Grill ... Crossover: Cleo on Top Chef; The B-Team; Cleo chasing Ratatouille ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: No confrontation; expo dumps; slight teases; nothing ... Getting picked up in a farmer's market/Getting negged in a farmer's market ... Michael Rady: The Hallmark Paul Rudd ... Rating: 2.5 ... Got the Hibbert in ... INTERMISSION ... Eat Your Leftovers Out: What do you know about persimmons? ... I woulda never thoughta that! ... Smashing wack fruit ... Persimmon: rare for a reason ... Heavy metal music cue ... Neck tattoo of a fork ... Tribbiani-voiced call-in order ... Bacon Jammer/Bacon Stack ... Sriracha-braised cheesesteak ... Big Italian sandwiches ... Spooky Buddies Mysteries (Air Bud Canon) ... Spring movie theme aimlessness ... Cold opening-day weather ... Fun elbow swiping ... Housebroken love of teenager jokes ... BREAK ... Bread note, bread hipsterdom, shut the bread up ... Bread sweatin' ... "Is that cilantro?" ... The "Have Fun!" food competition ... New flavors ... Foodie paradise ... "Flavor sauce" ... The secret ingredient is love ... Fluffy meatballs ... Ranunculus ... The heart of the highway ... BOOK REPORT: "You're Bacon Me Crazy" ... Optioning the Highlights universe ... Allan Harmon filmography: Police Academy, The Net, Untold Stories of the ER (Skewered Skydivers, Pipe in Head, Ice-Cold Mom, Radioactive Rocks/Poked by a Cactus, The Littlest Stroke, Extra Dose: Turtle Trouble) ... Julie Warner and sexual intrigue ... Michael Rady's maybe sincere Stockholm Syndrome interview ... Last-second added conflict ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "The Reward Is the Cheese," by Deadmau5 • "Intermission Music," from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail • "Bacon Fat," by Andre Williams • "Know Your Chicken," by Cibo Matto • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane