We're the next big thing, and we're in the BEVERLY HILLS WEDDING (2021) and:

We had to cancel the Beverly Hills wedding.

THEME: "The Rockford Files," by Mike Post

PART ONE

Dave is baking evasive ... THE Beverly Hills wedding ... Dan Smith, BYU ... Edited by Valentine's, 2022 ... Go balls out ... Cast rundown, callbacks and The Hume Cronins ... The Expositional Challenge ... False twist expectation ... Lame excuses! ... Less charming hermeticism ... Covid makes Hallmark make sense ... That's great Malick

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART TWO

Re-entering the cup of hot cocoa ... Spot the Angel: Terence Roquefort, but problematized ... Small town vs. Beverly Hills freaks ... "It used to be about the weddings, man" ... Eat Your Heart Out: Van crepes; green seafood puck; dessert colors; redneck voices; the worst champagne in Scotland; what about beer; Polaner All Fruit; gold dusting with a smattering of pearls; stagey class artifice ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Hallmark's greater Pacific Northwest; Episode 50; Episode 69 ... Hallmark's version of fancypants ... Gray as hell ... The Powder disease ... Is this Pine Mountain? ... Fog of War soundtrack ... Robert McNamara's Overdetermined: You left, you failed a promise to your dreams, you suffocated your sister, this wedding will fail, you're an idiot ... Valentine's wedding candy invitation

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART THREE

The Swagony of Defeat: Nice Hyundai; Zack Snyder's Justice League; Godiva (twice) ... Crossover: "Roquefort Origins: Terence in Maine"; Malick in Maine; schnapps with or without ice ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Mom/art exhibits/photography ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Homiletic husband Gary; Knox Harrington, the video artist; "otherizing" the gay character beyond Hallmark uncanniness; Terence's Wonka-esque affect ... Who's the Real Villain?: Influencer-driven conspicuous consumption ... Creeping to the glass of the critique

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART FOUR

Rating: 3.0 ... Shut up, Jordan ... "Watchable" ... The Leftovers: Paul Ziller's IMDB (again!), Covered in Bugs/Possessed by Demons ... Worms! ... Just try a sweepstakes ... Hugh's ... It's Spagett! ... Jordan's opinion, not needed ... Out of your element, Jordan ... Haunted Jason Mraz-style Weezer cover ... They used "Hash Pipe!" ... Hallmark showed feet ... Tandem bike ... Abraham Lincoln ... iZombie, Marine sequel, the Craig Zahler universe crossover ... Urban clearance ... Merry Christmas!

All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Cop Killer [8-bit John Maus cover]"