SARA KATE WILKINSON takes us CRASHING THROUGH THE SNOW (2021) and:

We kept the shirt on, and we liked it ...

THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather

PART ONE

Kasem intro ... You get $20, but we never speak again ... The Edge ... "Back to normal and fine" ... A five-tool movie ... Cast rundown: Todd Burpo's doctor and Canadian treasures ... The Expositional Challenge ... Cheap air-horn ... Three notes, and a relaxed attitude toward work ... Spot the Angel: No, but give Hector a try ... Ruddy Santa notes ... Eat Your Heart Out: Many Christmas pastries; jaundiced limp goose; down-the-middle human meal; holiday dinners you wouldn't believe; Rutger Hauer voice ...

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART TWO

The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Too competent for crossover; incompetent ski resorts; needlessly long episode titles; Tardis McMansion; the billiards room; more needlessly long episode titles ... Denver: America's most Canadian city ... Hotel house minimizing location shock ... Crossover: Sara Kate's improved locked-room mystery; Ready or Not, the dark game of politeness; Mighty Ducks piss-take; why did Sara Kate go Raoul? ... Overdetermined: Too self-aware; "I am Christmas"; "You're watching a movie right now!"; normal, aware flirting; dad's reality-check vs. messing where you eat; lessening the last-minute blows; gimme the fizz; co-parenting conflicts ... The Inchon Landing ...

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART THREE

The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes! ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Hector's cocoa; Ski Instructor Appreciation Station; conveniently oblivious stepmom ... Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 1.5 ... Who's the Real Villain: Losing your mom; hiding a dead parent's things; realistic potential stepdad vibes; Jeff's facial hair; no greater villain; commodified nuclear-family love ... Rating: 5 ... Actual sexual chemistry ... Implied premarital sex ...

Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood

PART FOUR

Title/Sequel: Good title; 2Crash 2Furious; Uncle Stepdad/Aunt Stepmom; Big Night at the Butterfield Inn ... The Leftovers: First Bumble reference ... TikTok ... Gremlins, the movie ... A walking Instagram post ... Grandma with an Instagram ... Tamar Laddy and Rich Newey Appreciation Station ... Phil Collins crossover ... Partner Chat: Oversize sweaters for the skinny only; GOOD bad-singing; sexy Gettysburg Address; premature matching pajamas; mom's cold marble slab ... Mom's ear-piercing privilege ... Peace with honor in the War on Christmas ... McNamara again ... Team Blitzen ... Goalie dive on the Reindeer Relay ... OJ, Nicole and the recital ... Plugs ... Merry Christmas!

All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "I Got 5 on It (Instrumental)," by The Luniz.

Follow Sara Kate on Twitter: @SaraKateW