Grab your turtledoves and get to stranglin', Theophiloi, because we're taking another trip to the Seventh Firmament, and this time we're bringing good ol' Father Abraham in the years before he had his many sons. We've got divine vengeance, the fires of Hell, Benito almost swearing on the mic, and a truly wild amount of DragonBall discussion, even for us as we tackle a major piece of apocrypha. Plus: Chris accidentally invents gnosticism!

Topics of discussion: A censer fulla Faygo, the Gallagher Bros., the Gallagher Bros., Book, The Alliance To End Maklelanmania, FHO, a surprising amount of poetry, an opinion on narrative that I simply do not understand???, Merimath the Stone of Deceit, gods of metal, idolators: cool and chill?, graven images of Super Saiyan Goku, the Ultimate Power, the Biz, Namor the Sub-Mariner, big Jernathan energy, Maharba, the Author of All Lies, the Angel Factory, the (eternal and unceasing) song of the summer, "feet," wings in low places, an off-model but suspiciously familiar serpent.

Hymnal: "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" by Elton John, "Dancing Queen" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45)

This episode of Apocrypals was edited by Chris.

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17113: Jaoel Instant Messenger (The Apocalypse of Abraham)