January 24, 2022

118. The Dinosaur Poetry Gap

59 minutes

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Lords:

Eitan

https://www.firehosegames.com/

Xalavier

https://twitter.com/WritNelson

Topics:

When I was a kid I hated gym class. Now I'm kinda sad that no one forces me to play sports on a semi-regular basis

How long is it polite to stare at a person before it gets weird for you, specifically (assuming they haven't seen you).

When asked why some people find her music to be spiritual, Enya explained that "It's the amount of reverb we use."

"Eighty Million Years Ago," by Bill Watterson

https://sites.google.com/site/mrkoofloradale/common-lessons/language/languagemorecalvinandhobbespoetry

Untrue facts about human anatomy

Things that have been on your "I'm gonna do it" list for 10+ years, that you will in fact probably never get around to doing

Why do cows have four stomachs but only one butthole?

Microtopics:

Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator.

As many digits as you can imagine.

The trope where you change costumes at a party to make people think you are more than one person.

Your game's extremely long title breaking Steam's web site.

Petting dogs using a different hand each time.

A cat person who made a game about dogs.

A giant person insisting that you go outside and play sports.

When seagulls are full grown but they haven't realized they're adults yet so they're still begging other seagulls for food.

A teenager realizing that they are now bigger than their parents and could beat the shit out of either of them at any time.

Remembering that you enjoyed basketball in grade school and deciding to play basketball as an adult and realizing that the only adults who are still playing basketball are a thousand times better than you are.

Observing and fearing that you will be observed in turn.

Trying to predict who will decide you are a creep.

Deciding whether you are a creep vs. letting others decide.

Watching an elderly person for as long as they are still alive.

Staring at someone forever in a nursing home and nobody gives a shit because there's no staring time limit in a nursing home.

PvP for Perverts.

Finding white papers to determine how long it's safe to stare at strangers under various conditions.

Knowing everything you need to know about someone after seeing them for 1/10th of a second.

Paying doppelgangers to do good deeds so people instinctively associate your appearance with good deeds.

The Serious Batmans.

A guy who is the Penguin who was raised by penguins.

Figuring out how to make everybody feel every emotion all the time.

Your own voice being very small but the voices you hear being really big.

Listening from inside the Gregorian chanter's mouth.

Finding a dungeon in which to sacrifice your goats.

The Church of Satan asking to put their goat on display.

Picking the most terrifying name for your rationalist philosophy.

A 10 year old putting the Transformers movie on hold at the local library.

A 30 minute toy commercial that somehow got run on television.

Watching Optimus Prime die.

A surprisingly queer road trip impacting robot-kind through time and space.

Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye.

Chasing after a glowing cube that's going to give you power.

Edison making documentary about electrocuting an elephant to prove that DC power is dangerous.

Falling in love with a pigeon with laser eyes.

The Christmas story where bloodthirsty reindeer are stalking Rudolph and he hides in a closet and they spot the light glowing under the door.

Giving your child the talk about where Fortnite skins come from.

The Santa FPS where your gun is all the reindeer and instead of muzzle flash Rudolph's nose glows.

A ripped Santa Claus running over Peter Parker.

Fore and aft serrations.

Dawdling by the candy shop and being devoured.

The terrible secret of Ragnasaurth's bones.

Taking back the soul of the nation via Tyrannosaur poetry.

TikTok? More like "tick tock it's time to write some dinosaur poetry."

How neurotransmitters definitely don't work.

The volunteer who proved that if you uncoil all the blood vessels in the human body they will reach the moon and back seven times.

All your serotonin languishing under a heat lamp because whoever runs the diner in your brain is a real dick.

How to convey facial expressions via sound effects in an audio medium.

Gymnasts getting hiccups by rotating too much and having to rotate the other way to cure them.

Not being old enough to have a bucket list.

Fried butter.

Waiting on tenterhooks for when it's ok to eat fried butter again.

Deciding on your deathbed to take a bath in butter.

Learning enough about tubes that you can hack the IV bag whenever you want to get more opiates.

Two-socks McGillicuddy.

Whether the guy's name is Fried Jesus or Fried Jesus.

When you saw one set of footprints in the sand it was because you collapsed thirty miles back.

Loss-leader churros.

A really ethical company in a sea of Wal-marts.

The pros and cons of having four stomachs in sequence vs. four stomachs in parallel.

The cow not being impressed by the extra buttholes you installed at first, but later thanking you when it needs to propel itself around in microgravity.

How much of your surface area needs to be butthole before you are yourself considered a butthole.

A 76% butthole being.

If the new butthole is shaped like a smiley face, does that mean the cow is happy?

Professional with a capital p.

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