Topic Lords

119. Book 'Em, Dildano


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Lords:

  • Jenni
    • @horsewizrd
    • Chris
    • Topics:

      • The coming schism between Wordle purists & Wordle metagamers
      • Amazon kindle fantasy best-sellers is ruled by niches that nobody outside of kindle or Royal Road users have heard of
        • https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football
        • In high school I knew a guy who, one time, managed to use up all the ink in a ball-point pen. The ink tube in there was just totally empty, it was astonishing. Nowadays whenever we run out of olive oil I get the same thrill. I did it! I used all the oil!
        • The Tiger, by Nael, Age 6
          • https://twitter.com/826DC/status/966009025090473985
          • Why can't Wizards or any of the clones figure out how to make D&D fun to play at high levels? Why is this an unsolved design?
          • Zardoz & Barbarella have similar energy except Zardoz comes across as sincere & Barbarella comes across as falsely ironic to hide the sincerity
          • Microtopics:

            • Jim's sip of tea.
            • Making your husband Sleepytime tea so he goes to sleep while recording the podcast.
            • Making a video of yourself arguing with your cooking teacher to post to social media.
            • What is a Wordle?
            • The Wordle sheriff joke.
            • Muting the green block emoji so you stop seeing all the Wordle bragging.
            • How to improve Wordle's psychic damage output.
            • Wordle except instead of five letters it's five abstract concepts.
            • Paranormal reverse-harem.
            • Pricing your paranormal reverse-harem book at $250 and discounting it 99% so users are like "paranormal reverse-harem for $2.50? I can't afford not to!"
            • All the topics you can't sell books about on Amazon and all the coded tags you use to sell them anyway.
            • Whether Amazon will ban your book as containing bestiality if the genitalia is on the human side of the minotaur.
            • A horse with human intelligence with a penis growing out of its back, and whether anyone has sex with the penis.
            • The liminal space between bestiality and reverse-bestiality.
            • Arguing in traffic court that your car is just a collection of atoms and the distinction between those atoms and those of the world it's traveling with respect to exists entirely in our minds.
            • Doing a crime just to go to Horse Court and see that horse judge you.
            • Admitting that you are That Guy.
            • Sending your pens to the pen dimension.
            • Graduating from high school and discovering that the weird lump on the knuckle of your middle finger isn't just you having a weird skeleton.
            • Writing good handwriting.
            • Refilling the salt pig from the salt cylinder.
            • When the sauce is burning and the only solution is to salt it right now.
            • Going to Horse Court to decide which of you bought the pepper grinder.
            • Popular with the robots.
            • Whether the poem works on a third level.
            • Writing the best poem.
            • Viral Poetry Sensation "The Tiger."
            • An "invisibility cloak" which is just an empty hanger.
            • A magic supply store where half the items are just jokes on the purchaser.
            • The adult poetry workshop where you drink a glass of wine and transcribe "The Tiger" by Nael, age 6, then take it home and show it to your parents.
            • Trying to look at the thumb tips your friends are going on about.
            • Braving Omicron to buy a thumb tip.
            • Hypnotizing a napkin.
            • A magic trick where you make a rubber band disappear, but only for yourself.
            • Aging two years while dead.
            • Whether Nethack's difficulty curve is better than D&D's.
            • A weird combination of spells that is broken in a non-numerical way.
            • What the wizard did when the spaghetti-os were on too high a shelf to reach.
            • Letting the players fight Thor even though you know they'll figure out a way to kill Thor.
            • Thor swinging his hammer and killing you without having to roll any dice because Thor doesn't have stats.
            • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance.
            • Godlike wizards feuding over who took the leftovers out of the office fridge because they ran out of real problems to solve.
            • The Dying Earth series by Jack Vance, except with football.
            • That Insidious Beast by Zack Parsons.
            • Instructions for a fruit.
            • There is no Antimemetics Division, by qntm.
            • Counterfeit Monkey by Emily Short.
            • Sean Connery in a red diaperkini.
            • The big head that floats around and vomits guns and explains how guns are better than penes.
            • When they invented the concept of copies of movies.
            • Your deal with the devil where if you fail to make Lord of the Rings you have to make Zardoz, but you succeed you get to make King Kong.
            • Scantily clad rocket people.
            • Barbarella lying in a thumb harp being yelled at by a dude wearing a Dalek and reading from a piano roll.
            • Learning how to draw by looking at promotional shots from Barbarella.
            • Mario fanfiction through the lens of Cyberpunk.
            • Whether they have sarcasm in Japan.
            • Tom Nook slapping his own nipples for ten hours.
            • Support Topic Lords

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