Many people called 2020 the 'worst year of their life' or the 'year from hell'. Consider how that perspective may be aiding in creating the conditions you say you don't want. Maybe we can use the fire of suffering to sharpen our sword so we can fight future battles with more courage and strength. "Within every adversity is an equal or greater benefit. Within every problem is an opportunity. Even in the knocks of life, we can find great gifts."