What should I do if my loved one is in ICU?

Learn Lori Williams’ 5 tips for family members to know when their loved one is in ICU

When your loved one is in the intensive care unit (ICU) of the hospital, time stops. It feels surreal, and the environment can be stressful - no windows, a constant coming and going of doctors and nurses, buzzing, beeping and doors slamming. It’s easy to feel like everything is out of control.

Unfortunately, it’s a roller coaster of emotions Senior Services Expert Lori Williams knows firsthand. When her husband was in ICU for strokes, she developed 5 tips for when your loved one is in ICU to help others in similar situations.

1. Be an advocate for your loved one. Ask questions when you don’t understand, and try to limit “doomscrolling” on Google. It’s also important to write everything down, from diagnostic tests to medications. This helps when your mind is spinning from the stress.

2. Know your loved one’s wishes. They may not be in a situation where they can advocate for themselves. Have discussions with family members so you can support them the way they’d like.

3. Lean on support from family and friends. Tap into the power of social media to update everyone at once. It helps to have their well-wishing so you stay strong and encouraged. Plus, it helps having their support so you can take care of your own needs (like meal trains).

4. Take care of yourself, too. It’s easy to forget your own needs when you’re concerned about your loved one. You’ll be a better resource to them if you’re eating and rested – the last thing you need is to get sick or exhaust yourself unnecessarily.

5. Get a good night’s sleep. Maybe it’s easier said than done, but try to switch off with family members during the “night shift.” You’ll feel better and be more alert when you’re with your loved one.

Without a doubt, this type of situation is difficult, but remember you don’t have to go through it alone. Prepare where you can, and be sure to give yourself grace while you’re going through it all. This too shall pass. 

Topics discussed:

- Tips for stroke caregivers

- Tips for families in the ICU

- How to support loved ones in crisis

- Stress relief

- Self-care

- Meal trains

Takeaways from this episode:

- It’s easy to get stressed when you’re living moment to moment in the ICU. Write everything down because you will have trouble retaining information while under pressure.

- If you ask a friend in crisis, “What do you need?” it’s likely your friend won’t know how to answer. Offer specific solutions or means of support.

- Even small gestures like cards or prayers can mean the world to someone in crisis.

- You can’t change the past. It’s easy to heap on the guilt wondering if there’s something you could’ve done to prevent this, but it won’t help the situation.

- Try not to stress about insurance. In the hospital, you want your loved one to have the best care.

- Rely on your family members so everyone can take care of each other and be the best advocates they can be for your loved one in the ICU.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Get your copy of Lori's book Surrounded by Love: One Family's Journey Through Stroke Recovery:

https://amzn.to/3Y41CxA

121. Strokes: warning signs, prevention, risk factors and action plan

https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/3986580c/121-strokes-warning-signs-prevention-risk-factors-and-action-plan

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Mentioned in this episode:

Surrounded by Love

You can find my book, "Surrounded by Love: One Family’s Journey Through Stroke Recovery," on Amazon. It is available as a Kindle, hardcover, paperback, and also on Audible. More details can be found on my website: