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In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University explore what happens when someone gives you difficult feedback—and why your first reaction may not be the most useful one.

Starting with a question about being perceived as “argumentative,” they unpack the difference between reacting and understanding, how our internal voice can interfere with genuine listening, and why self-awareness is one of the most powerful skills we can develop. The conversation dives into metacognition, emotional reactions, feedback, defensive thinking, and the importance of separating reality from the stories we tell ourselves about it.

They also explore how many of our thoughts, judgments, and habits originate from voices we've adopted over time, and why curiosity—not self-criticism—is the key to understanding ourselves more clearly.

If you want to communicate better, receive feedback more effectively, and develop greater agency over your thoughts, feelings, and actions, this episode offers a powerful systems thinking framework for doing exactly that.