Today Chelsea Spoelker joins me to share the story of her daughter Stella and how this short, but incredibly powerful life changed hers forever. Stella was born with Trisomy 18, a life-limiting diagnosis and lived for 39 days. Chelsea shares with me how, through Stella’s life, she learned to celebrate each day like it was her last. She began that journey of celebrating and honoring her life while she was pregnant and each day, each milestone after she was born. Since Stella’s death Chelsea has learned what it looks like practically to parent and celebrate and honor a child that has died and today she is sharing all of that with you. 

Navigating milestones, celebrating birthdays, knowing how to honor the anniversary of your baby’s death, or knowing how to honor your baby on holidays or even in the everyday  is incredibly challenging; those dates often feel impossible, but this conversation will help, reminding you that you aren’t alone in this and giving you practical ideas for what navigating milestones could look like. 

 

While this conversation specifically centered navigating milestones and celebrating and honoring our babies, Chelsea also shared what it was like to make the decision to carry Stella to term when her medical team was advising to end the pregnancy, the very drastic steps she and her husband took to seek out medical care where they felt supported, how she and her husband navigate milestones differently and something that all loss moms can identify with – regret. Chelsea opens up about all of that and more. 

 

And toward the end of the episode Chelsea gave a simple but powerful encouragement when she said: “figure out what works for you, what feels right for you and honor that, do that.” I loved the encouragement to do milestones in any way that feels right for you. 

 

If you are looking for practical help navigating milestones, I have two things that will help: 

1. The Joyful Mourning Community – come join our free online community and find hundreds of other women who understand this journey because they are on it too. And they have the best, most creative ideas for celebrating and for honoring their babies. I wish I would have had this community when I was celebrating my son’s first birthday or navigating the first anniversary of his death or simply on the days when I wanted to honor him and just didn’t know how or feel the freedom to do so. Come join us and find a space where you can ask questions and get practical answers to your questions from women who know and understand. To join this free community head to themorning.com/community
2. We created a Milestones Workbook that you can download for free. The workbook includes a list of ideas for celebrating or honoring your baby, letter prompts for journaling on those special or difficult days, and so much more. And since we all have different days that feel special or important or difficult to navigate, this workbook can be used over and over again for any milestone that is important to you. To download that workbook, head to themorning.com/milestones

 

Lastly, this episode is dedicated to all of our trisomy babies and to the mamas that love them. In honor of Trisomy Awareness month we celebrate your babies, we remember them, we remember you.

QUESTIONS WE DISCUSS IN NO.156

1. To the mom that doesn’t know where to start in regards to celebrating and honoring her baby, what would you say to her? 
2. What would you say to a mom who has ideas in mind about ways she would like to celebrate her baby but she is worried what others will think of her? 
3. What would you say to the woman listening who does not want to celebrate these big milestones and anniversaries?
4. What do you think is the biggest challenge a mom faces in celebrating or honoring her baby or just navigating important dates and milestones that may not be as obvious as a birthday or anniversary of their death?
5. Would you share with us ideas for ways to honor and celebrate our babies on milestone dates and birthdays, due dates or anniversaries?
6. What advice would you give to a mom with living children about how to involve them in honoring or celebrating their baby’s birthday?
7. Do you and your husband want to celebrate these days the same? Differently? How do you work through that when you’re on different pages as parents?
8. How do you care for yourself leading up to these dates or in these seasons?
9. Are there any special rituals you do to celebrate in your own heart? 
10. How do you know whether to include others or not in your important dates?

FREE ONLINE COMMUNITYYou are not alone. Find help and hope in navigating your new normal in our free online community. Come join us and meet hundreds of women who can provide the unique support that a grieving mom needs. I can't wait to see you there. www.themorning.com/community

 

SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode156

 

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