Topic Lords

177. An Episode Your Landlord Should Not Listen To

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Lords:

  • Alicia
  • Ryan
    • Just type his name into google.

      • Topics:

      • Seattle's reaction to snow vs the Bay Area's reaction to rain: who is more dramatic?
      • Would you rather fart bones once a month or have Goldeneye "big head mode" on in real life for a year?
      • Moral philosophy lessons from the California DMV
      • Nancy
        • https://www.nybooks.com/articles/1966/08/18/nancy/
        • Common everyday items that make you mentally "time travel"

          • Microtopics:

          • Structurally reinforcing the scrotum.
          • Plugging mundane chores around the house.
          • Why do you live here, Seattle?
          • The lamentation of a failed joke being funnier than the joke itself would've been.
          • Turning the tire towards the curb when parking on a hill.
          • Driving in inclement weather.
          • Milking oats.
          • What it means for society when you make oat milk at home.
          • The rain we occasionally get except way more.
          • Bettie White-out.
          • When an imaginary kid uses his last words to put you on blast.
          • The advantages and disadvantages of big head mode.
          • How to get on the bus with big head mode on.
          • Whose bones you're farting right now.
          • Big Head Mode Confirmed in GoldenEye 007.
          • The yoga pose that is most optimal for shitting bones.
          • Getting your GoldenEye big head stuck in the automatic doors at TJ Maxx.
          • Whale bones on your mattress.
          • Which bones you can do without.
          • Bone pellets.
          • Using your broken tooth as a fidget toy.
          • An absolutely staggering amount of dental work.
          • A perfectly lovely root canal.
          • Using your bone-lasered rib as a fidget toy.
          • Extra ribs just loose in your torso somewhere.
          • Ribs of betrayal stabbing you in your soft pink innards.
          • McRib, more like MacBethRib.
          • The DMV letting you know that your custom license plate is "in the mail, you fucking pervert."
          • A grizzled PI paid to determine whether Dr. Puff is a real doctor.
          • Dark, but fair.
          • The moral philosophy of the DMV.
          • The 4chan veteran the DMV hires to detect profanity in custom license plate applications.
          • Three letters that mean a car thing.
          • You just got passed by a bad driver.
          • Nancyverse lore.
          • The one place in the world where the cost of living is higher than San Francisco.
          • Slant rhymes that slant so much they fall over.
          • Writing a Nancy fan poem just so you can slip increasingly awful rhymes into it.
          • Making your poem worse and worse as it goes on because what are the readers going to do, stop reading? Nobody has Netflix in 1966.
          • Using hand-crank egg-beaters when it's not the Prohibition.
          • Everybody at the office party with those paper guillotines, going to town on reams of paper.
          • Jim's hotel waffle story again.
          • Paying $8 for this novelty bust of Duke Nukem because you liked Duke Nukem 1.
          • High school kids dressing just like you dressed when you were in high school 20 years ago.
          • JNCO jeans with a dragon on the back pocket.
          • That Nostalgia Cycle: it's gonna come around.
          • Using two different keys to unlock and start your car.
          • The best car for the kidnapper on the go.
          • The first car to use the same key for the door, trunk and ignition.
          • Locking the exhaust pipe so nobody can put a banana in there.
          • Separate keys for locking your sun and moonroof.

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            Topic LordsBy Jim Stormdancer
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