19 in 89

You're about to dive into a week of diary entries which ultimately record a moment that changed my life FOREVER! Those capital letters are warranted because this will be the week that a then 20 year old me will be introduced to the destroyer of lives, creator of vomit, inducer of sassy regretful remarks...a plastic garbage bin filled with party punch. This brutal yet beguiling concoction apparently required the opening of a few tins of bog standard fruit salad, then leaving it to stew in tequila FOR 3 DAYS!!! By the time I rocked up to the party, having helped myself settle in by annihilating half a bottle of vodka. So by the time I discovered the party punch, it would seem I was totes down with actually fisting handfuls of tequila soaked fruity mush into my face hole, so much so that I turned my face hole into an explosive vomit hole instead. It's a foggy memory, so I can't be sure if it's true, but I'm pretty sure that explosive vomit happened as I stood amongst a loose circle of 20-30 people I didn't really know, all grouped around a bin fire, exchanging party pleasantries. So it's safe to say I probably ruined that comfy gather round a bin fire vibe hehe. To help me work through that, Brendan 'Jonesy' Jones and his wife Helen are back, they're my besties and former roomies from 1990 in Karratha. Together we'll work through upchuck central, plus diary entries recording the return of my depression once my mum and little bro are no longer around, but a special phone call helps reduce the meh feels. I’ve also had just about enough of a workmates bitching, moaning and complaining, so naturally I bitch, moan and complain about it in my diary. So it's same, same but the difference is I'm completely ignorant to my own hypocrisy. Also technology arrives into my radio world as computers start featuring in my daily work life and of course there's me being introduced to my first ever non alcohol tasting punch and it’s an actual disasteeeerrr, so get ready to get queasy, as we delve into the origin of me losing any interest in having abundant alcohol ever again.

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Just like the movie 'Sixteen Candles' teenage me is totes the Molly Ringwald character in this episode of the podcast. The differences are I'm turning 20, I also don't have a crush on the high school senior, although maybe Bradley can take on that role, and instead of my parents forgetting my birthday and my grandparents visiting with a foreign exchange student compiled from hideous Hollywood movie racial stereotypes, I've got my Mum Anne and my little brother Tom visiting me in Karratha. Not only have they NOT forgotten my birthday, but they've actually travelling all the way to Karratha on a freaking BUS to help me celebrate it. As we heard in our previous episode, the Wasley family like dropping tummy shame on the regular (should acknowledge that tummy shame is just a pleasant way of saying farts, thanks to The Mighty Boosh, their Crack Fox, and my partner Geordie for introducing that magnificent show and wording to me hehe) thankfully none of that appears in this episode, except in this description. Coming up in this episode, my visiting family and I get numb bums travelling across the dirt roads of the Pilbara for a day trip to Harding Dam. Our road trip driver is a little loose behind the wheel, displaying erratic and gungho road skills that will leave me fearing for my completely self absorbed life. Speaking of being self absorbed, I'll do my self described best on air shift ever and then swiftly follow it up with an utter shit one just to bring myself back down to earth. There’s also my birthday to celebrate, which also includes a surprise b’day dinner at Jan's, although I'll ruin that by arriving before anyone else. I also have to come to terms with sending my little bro and mumma on that unbearable return bus trip to home to Adelaide, poor them, but huzzah for me, although there will be no me sitting on the bonnet of the high school senior's car sharing a kiss like Molly Ringwald did at the end of Sixteen Candles, I was probably too busy obsessing over myself to be bothered with anything like that anyway.

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There's LOTS of things you learn about yourself by keeping a diary, especially one like mine, for instance, teenage me chose to record for future posterity that I just casually dropped my guts after falling asleep, whilst at the drive in, WITH my Mum, my little brother and my roomie, inside a small hatchback, IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS for me, how you feeling about it? This is a revelation I'd never have to relive if I hadn't kept this diary, I would have been lost to the wind, with all the other non eventful and totally forgotten bottom burps I've delivered so far. Thankfully I also recorded actual interesting information, like the arrival of my Mum Anne, and my little brother Tom. In 1989 they actually willingly climbed onto a bus to endure a journey all the way from Adelaide to Karratha, just so they could spend two weeks with me as I celebrated my 20th birthday, hectic AF. Once they get to town, we’ll do some touristy things together, watch a lot of television, and my depression kicks in again without any explains, but my mum will fix it with an early birthday surprise that turns my frown, into a less self absorbed resting bitch face probably. Obviously it would be stupid to work through all of those diary entries without my Mum and little brother, especially because they were actually there to endure some of it, luckily I managed to convince them both to a Group FaceTime to get this episode, and the next one done with their added thoughts and memories. Spoiler alert, none of us remember much, maybe it's a family trait. Speaking of family traits, that reference to my tummy shame in a confined vehicle, that also inspires a rather deep question from my brother Tom, and some equally flippant comments from my mother, so prepare for an insight into how the Wasley family works, or at the very least you'll learn how gassy we are.

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My bestie MJ, aka Mary the 14 year old babysitter we first met in Episode 7, is back for another week of diary entries. She's returning to the podcast because on this week, back in 1989, she was doing work experience at my employer 6KA. While she's being diligent and focussed on a career, (so much so that I'll mention her devotion in a job reference I would write for her in the 90's, you'll get to hear that in this episode) anyway while she's all focussed and totes business, it would seem that teenage me's current obsession is whipping up CV's and trying to get a new job. The fact that I've only had this radio gig for 25 weeks isn't lost on me, but I think back then that was the vibe, you'd get your first regional job and then you'd work hard to move up the chain of radio stations, all the time trying to make your big move to one of the capital cities. For me that would end up taking three years, but in the meantime 19 year old me isn't really worthy of a new gig just yet. As if to prove that, I'll go on to deliver a bloody awful on air shift, mostly thanks to a hideous hangover. I’ll also reuse a lame joke in my diary again and talk myself and my talents up like only a teenager can do, as in without any proof, skill or clue, but thinking that teenage me is fully onto it. Plus I get my thespian on and go to the theatre and manage to meet another celebrity from the halls of Prisoner and Cell Block H fame, who knew so many of them would tour the Pilbara in 1989.

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My former high school bestie Linda is back, although I'm not entirely sure she was happy about that, especially once she realised that there's no actual fiction around the poop that I allude to in the title of this episode. It would seem that teenage me decided to forgo my usual habit of skimming the surface and boring the reader with a myriad of time records and not very engaging facts, by dropping way too many facts about my bowel movements in this week's entries. So I apologise for that up front, although Linda and I did come to the conclusion that it is actually a very busy week for diary content, so at least you can't accuse 19 year old me of being boring...this week. Of course this isn't the first time I've filled the pages of this diary with detailed recollections of my bowel movements (Episode 4 with my bestie Yvie can attest to that) but it would seem I was the victim of food poisoning during my 24th week of radio life and for whatever reason teenage me wants you to know all about it. Probably the most fascinating thing about all of the above for me now though, is the fact that 19 year old me ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SPELL DIARRHOEA CORRECTLY! Obviously there's a number of ways to spell that word, but considering how many times I haven't spelt things correctly in my teenage diary, I'm writing this off as a major achievement, which, now that I think about it, is deeply sad, but I'm still pretty stoked about it none the less. Also in this episode, teenage me will be bored, I’ll also go on to deliver a ‘fucken terrible’ on air shift, attend a number of farewells for someone I don’t even remember now, plus I witness a male stripper, get trashed on B52’s and Vodka Oranges, and Linda and I reminisce on the 80's obsessions of shoulder pads and perms for women AND men. So don't be too terrified of the tricky tummy tales, because there's so much more besides just that to enjoy within this episode I promise.

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The last time my bestie and former roomie MAK joined us on this podcast, we ended up naming the episode "All the Tangents in the World" because she managed to set off the tangent alarm by getting sidetracked and asking questions that distracted us from reading my teenage diary. It only went off once, but there was other moments where it probably should have been activated too. Anyway MAK is back, and true to form, she sets off the alarm again, bless her ability to deep dive and ask multiple questions on random topics. Coming up in this episode, it rains in Karratha so much that the streets turn into ankle deep creeks, but it doesn’t hinder teenage me from walking to work, I must have been spewing about that. I also borrow Jan’s car and then lose it, or it’s stolen, or someone actually just borrows it and I’m totally over reacting, it’s basically the last one. Understandably, as an overly emotional teen, I totes get my strop on and blast the person responsible, because everyone loves being disciplined by a sassy 19 year old. I also find myself spontaneously cleaning the house AND we even vacuumed it. This is a revelation because it would appear that this might actually be the first time it’s actually been done in at least 5 months, gross fun fact, I totally fell asleep on that carpet, gross but thank goodness my beautiful face didn’t end up with some kind of hideous toxic sludge growth on it. I also have the gall to reject a job offer at another radio station, because it’s not good enough for me, righto mate, anytime you wanna pull your head in is fine by us, plus our new receptionist moves into the radio station share house. So grab your headphones and get ready for a wide ranging journey with a sprinkle of tangents thrown in.

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Righto it's about bloody time my bestie Jenny (aka Majenna) appeared on this podcast. Inside this episode you'll get to hear how we met and became instant life long friends (yeah I seem to do that a lot right), you'll also get the lowdown on why I call her Majenna, it's do with Madonna, hence the title of this episode, I know cute right hehe. There's also time to fit in one of Jenny's legendary stories which involves a small rain soaked island, the legendary Bette Midler, one of the voice actors from Futurama, and lots of shots of tequila, it's an amazing claim to partying fame. There's also my useless teenage diary to work through, so together, Jenny and I will find out why 19 year old me is using my VO skills to do baby voices in a commercial, it's actually creepy and YES I can still do it and trust me, you are not ready. I also dish up a heap of movie reviews, including one for the film 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes', a movie which I only just realised actually stars George Clooney, who knew? Probably George did, but maybe he's happy for us to forget about it. There's also a glowing review for a new Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin movie called Big Business, which inspires me to repeat my favourite quote from the movie and of course Jenny's little tale. We also find out that teenage me hasn't learnt a thing and is once again offering accomodation to another random at the radio station share house, and again I didn't bother asking anyone if that was okay, was I the actual worst housemate EVER? There’s also more 80’s food references for me to reminisce over, one of my co-workers owes me a lot of money, plus I get pissed off about more on air stuff ups, so not much has changed apparently. So get ready for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, time checks, weird baby voices and hilarious tales of drunken stupidity, what more could you ask of a podcast?

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There are so many moments in this episode of the podcast where I'm left asking...what??? I honestly have no idea what the hell the teenage version of me was thinking some times, maybe I just wasn't thinking. Anyway it would seem that teenage me thought he was hilarious, and there also seems to be a lot of drinking happening as well. Twenty one weeks into my new radio career and clearly I'm settling into some kind of groove that I will no doubt end up regretting. My bestie Amanda is back to remind me of how many hours she wasted watching Melrose Place, while we worked together in the 90's, and to help support me through another week of diary entries that continue to be light on content, but heavy on confusion. Coming up, there’s another hangover and headache to deal with, my cheekiness results in another commercial getting rejected, which inspires more teenage preaching from me about my superior advertising skills. Even though I’ve only been doing this job for 21 weeks, I somehow think I now know advertising. There’s also more bad spelling, more bitching, more getting pissed, and I also deliver a self described ‘pathetic’ shift as part of an outside broadcast in the Karratha shopping centre. Pretty sure that wouldn't have been traumatic. Is that why I break into a sweat and cringe when I walk into a Shopping Centre? Or is that just the exhaustion of walking from the carpark to the Shopping Centre that makes me do that? Maybe we'll never know, but at least it's something we can all think about if for any reason you might find yourself getting bored in the middle of listening to more of my overly timed diary entries, but why would that even happen?

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If my teenage diary has proved anything, it's that the 19 year old version of me wasn't very talented when it came to filling out a diary, and it would seem the pointless content continued into the 90's too. To prove that fact, I've managed to drag back my bestie and former Triple M Top 40 co-host (The Vixen of the Vibes) Claire so we can relive our former career, and work through another week of lacklustre diary entries as well. In the 90's Claire and I ruled the airwaves as Bad Boy and the Vixen in Perth, and recently a former listener of ours, Adam Brack, DM'd me with some original audio of the pointless and shocking stuff Claire and I used to get away with on air. So after we've revisited those audio highlights, and wondered how we got away with so much, we'll delve into week twenty of 19 year old me learning the skills that I would no doubt largely ignore throughout my radio career. Coming up my mum calls to tell me she’s booked flights to come visit me in Karratha, there’s a fire in the fuse box while I’m on air, which renders me a nervous wreck. When you add that nervousness to how much of a nervous wreck I was on air normally, then you can just imagine how much of a tizzy teenage me was in. There’s more vodka to be inhaled with the usual teenage bravado, and none of my friends seem to be home, even though I keep walking down to the phone box and calling them every half an hour just to check, woah any time you wanna calm down is fine by us you stalker. So grab your headphones and get ready for a bonus trip back to the mid 90's, as found on some very shonky audio cassettes, as well as our usual jaunt back into the thick of 1989.

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As we discovered in the previous episode with my bestie Natalie, I have a habit of befriending retail staff that I throw large sums of money at. I friended Natalie at Om Bazaar in Karratha back in 1989, and in the 90's, I friended the shit out of my bestie Retna at a Pierucci store in Perth. Right now Retna is taking a well deserved holiday, but I've somehow managed to sweet talk her into spending some time listening to more of my not very enthralling teenage dairy entries. Coming up, we'll find out how I make my mother cry, and why my reaction to that, is to find it cute. I’m not actually an arsehole, thankfully there is a reason for me having the cuteness feels whilst she is in tears, phew. I’ll also attend a quiz night with the who’s who of Karratha’s business elite, none of who I actually remember now, and despite my protests, they'll keep sliding me free vodka and oranges, which may help explain why I now have no idea who they are, thanks brain. I’ll also get excited when I get a personalised radio station sweeper (the thing they play between the songs on the radio that tells you who the radio station is) anyway, teenage me froths out because this sweeper actually says my ACTUAL NAME! Does that mean I'm a proper radio announcer now? Plus, just like the entries in my teenage diary are bound to induce, I'll fall asleep and miss a dinner party I was invited to. We'll also give you some quintessential 80's style reminiscing about everything from Corey Haim and Smash Hits Magazine, to Marky Mark and a meltdown that involves a mad dash to a swimming pool, for what...we're not really sure. It's hopefully both confusing and enlightening.

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