19 in 89

When I was a teenager, I was convinced that being gay was a phase you eventually grow out of, mostly because I read in a Cleo or Cosmo magazine something about how it wasn't unusual for teenagers to experiment in their teens. I never bothered to experiment though, in fact the thought of having sex actually terrified me. So instead I just lusted for men in secret, all alone in my bedroom, hoping I could change my mindset one day. I was also hoping no one walked in on me when I was alone in said bedroom with just my own hands to entertain me...too much? Anyway, into my sheltered teenage life wandered Natalie, who in 1989 worked behind the counter of the only shop in Karratha that sold Jag Men clothing, and it would seem I have a history of befriending people who take large sums of money off me for clothing...who knew? Thankfully our friendship progressed beyond retail transactions, which is why she's still one of my besties today, and also happy to help me wade through another weeks worth of spectacular diarised teenage nonsense. So expect some hard truths about how hideously straight I was pretending to be, who else shopped in my favourite Karratha based clothing store and what they were buying, plus an all too brief celebration of 80's Australian comedy show The Big Gig. We'll also work through diary entries about Cyndy and I getting all deep and meaningful and having a huge talk about our futures, our childhoods, love (doubt I had much to say there hehe), the world, war and sooo many other things that teenagers have no idea about, but think they’re total experts on. I also get some feedback from my program director Richie, where he describes my on air talents so far by using words like “funny”, “idiot” and ‘think very carefully” so it's a safe bet that the 19 year old version of me is screwed. I also apparently watch a lot of television, well duh, and meet Kevin Bloody Wilson, so peak 80’s Australian realness will be reached. So settle in for a deep dive into how a woman with a finely tuned gaydar could spend so much time with me, and still have none of her 'he likes the peen' alarms actually go off. Apparently teenage me was so good at pretending to be heterosexual, that Natalie would actually laugh in my face and think I was joking when I finally came out to her 7 years later, true story, which we will also cover off on this podcast. It's a hefty listen oh and also I was probably the Meryl Streep of radio, is there an Oscar award for that?

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Reading entries from a diary I kept in 1989, is just like having an analog Time Machine, so it's almost exactly like what Doc and Marty went through in Back To The Future, but without the risk of sourcing plutonium from Libyan terrorists, or the expensive time travelling DeLorean, or anything else that happened in that movie. However my parents are way cooler than Marty's ever were, even though he managed to fix their future and make them wealthier and cooler. Anyway, now that we've established that, it's clear to me that Anne and Graham (Grannie Annie and Popeye as they are now referenced by my nieces and nephews) are without a doubt my original besties, so it just made sense to invite them to help me with this podcast by having them appear on Episode One. They were there to witness me fall in love with radio, they helped finance my 15 week radio course, and they were at the airport to farewell me back in 1989 to kickstart my journey to becoming a proper radio announcer. The response I've gotten from their appearance in Episode One has been overwhelmingly positive, so it figures I would try and get them to appear on another episode with me. Thankfully this time it didn't take 15 to 20 minutes to get them assembled and focussed before we could record, they're clearly getting skilled at this. They're also not afraid to take the piss out of me, after all, I had to learn it from somewhere right? Coming up in this episode, they'll scoff at my teenage commitment to a new diet, mostly because it's not very diet-y at all, and my mother clearly wishes I was still on some kind of diet. There’s also diary entries about a big radio announcers meeting for me to attend, my Mum has to relive a moment when she'd had a crappy day and tried to hide how upset she was from me. I also find out I share the same birthday with one of my co-workers and totally flip out, my pay packets continue to be disappointing, which is all my Dad needs to have a subtle dig at the crappy salaries I've had to endure over 30 years of radio employment. I also get a huge serve from my mother when she flags just how up myself my dairy entries make me sound, it's absolutely hilarious and not soul destroying at all hehe. So press play and pretend the Flux Capacitor is effortlessly sending you back to the sweaty hell of my teenage bedroom in Karratha, as I toil over another weeks worth of dairy entires, just for us to mock and ridicule here in present day wherever you are right now.

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This episode is actually one diary entry short because our previous episode covered off Saturday and Sunday in one semi enthralling cyclone related posting. Some might suggest that one less diary entry is a blessing, and if they did...then how very dare they. Thankfully I've roped in a friend of mine with a crystal clear memory and an ability to chat to help me pad out this episode, so expect a longer intro, with lots of Karratha soaked memories within. My bestie Lisa (aka Boofie, that nickname gets explained in this podcast) and I worked together in Karratha in 1990, so she wasn't around for any of these diary entries, but she certainly has some vivid recollections to reveal from her time there the following year. Inside there’s after the arrival of Cyclone Orson to deal with, I finally get a day off and some much needed sleep. Naturally all of my overtime disappears thanks to the tax department, but I actually manage to surprise myself by doing some talk breaks that make me feel almost professional, but I’m still mostly crap. However teenage me has got a plan on how to fix that and it's as lazy as you’d expect, I'll also seem to miss the point of messing around in an on air studio. There's also more embarrassing spelling mistakes from back then and right now for me to reveal as well. So settle in for another skim across the surface of my teenage memoirs.

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Okay so it's actually called a cyclone in Australia, but as if I'm not going to reference that hilarious scene in the the 1980 film Flying High (or Airplane as it was called in some countries), if you haven't seen it, you probably should, it's ridiculous and full of Dad jokes, but when I was 11 it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Anyway, in this episode my bestie MJ, the former 14 year old babysitter Mary from week seven of the diary, returns to help me work through another week of diarised dross. Together we'll work our way through the lead up to the arrival of what would prove to be the 4th biggest cyclone to ever hit Australian shores. You'll witness teenage me pretending to be totes heterosexual on a number of occasions. I was fully closeted and hoping that my deep desire for wanting some wang, was just a phase that I would soon grow out of, so maintaining the illusion of me being keen on lady love clearly must be maintained. I’ll also finally meet my radio roomie Mark, but his aversion to being around when I expect him to be somewhere will continues. Plus I’ll get my Helen Hunt on but there won't be any cows flying by, instead I’ll experience what it’s like to be inside a radio station for 24 hours when Cyclone Orson hits the Pilbara. I fully pretend to be cool about it but inside I'll be squealing in utter terror. So grab your headphones and press play on this episode but just make sure you prepare yourself for the most underwhelming natural disaster story ever told.

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Coming up in this episode, my bestie Retna is back to help me navigate another seven days worth of largely useless diary entries. All of which seem to be mostly mundane, but also strangely meticulous in their obsession with recording the exact time pointless events in my teenage life happened. Together we'll try and work out what's going on with the weather in Amsterdam, reveal the inner workings of gifting things to people in the media, and try and work out what happened to one of my guests, 31 years after I interviewed her. There's also an invite from Bradley to accept, which sees me heading over to meet his family over a BBQ dinner. That's not the end of it either, Bradley and I also go out to dinner for a free feed, after I casually accept a bribe from a local restaurant to mention them on air. So clearly teenage me had no qualms about working the system in return for a chance to stuff my face. I get to interview someone with an actual PHD who’s written a book called 'When Am I Going To Be Happy'. Why she'd be wasting her time chatting to 19 year old me is beyond comprehension, but its a safe bet that the hustle to sell a book in 1989 must have been unbearable. It also becomes clear reading a book about being happy, doesn't necessarily mean I'll learn anything because I also get stroppy with the demands of one of my other guests. There's also the arrival of my brand new radio roomie to prepare for, so settle in for another episode of teenage stupidity, peppered with sassy asides and moments of complete ignorance from teenage me and current me.

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Before Jonesy became a hugely successful breakfast radio host as part of Jonesy and Amanda on Sydney's WSFM, I knew him simply as Brendan Jones. Back in 1990 when Brendan first arrived in Karratha, I'd already been working on air for over a year, and he was just some guy from Sydney about to start work at 6KA. His wife Helen was still just his girlfriend back then, but she packed up her life in Sydney to join him a few months later. We all lived together in the 6KA radio station share house, so they're both well versed in what it was like to live with the 20 year old version of me. Hence I couldn't resist inviting both of them to join me to help me recount a weeks worth of diary entries. Unfortunately for them, they had to do that whilst sharing one pair of headphones between their heads, so throughout this episode just imagine their faces mashed together, cheek to cheek, necks bent out of shape, as they struggle to hold one ear piece each to one of their ears. It was certainly a look hehe. In this episode, teenage me arrives at work one minute before I’m meant to be on air, mostly because I was more interesting in getting lunch to stuff my face with. Have you noticed I'm easily distracted by food yet? House sitting my co-worker Jan Swan's house is replaced by a return to an empty radio station share house, will teenage me cope with living alone? I'll also deliver my self described “best shift ever”, whip up an old fashion Aussie classic for dinner, and get dragged into a crisis meeting with management, after Cyndy demands I share her outrage over who’s going to replace Glenn on air. Plus a chance encounter with an actual celebrity from Prisoner/Cell Block H and Aussie music fame, gets ruined by a washing machine that clearly hates me, or maybe I’m just forgetful. Again, it's always the last one.

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Okay so my bestie Yvie, aka Yvonne is back, and together we'll lower the tone of this podcast entirely, so huzzah to that and job well done. Inside you'll find out why we used to be referred to by our friends as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. No spoilers, but we were rocking that moniker well before Brad and Angelina decided to use it as an excuse to act like secret assassins, get the horn for each other, get married, adopt a bunch of kids, then call it quits, whilst constantly feeding gossip mags with endless front page headlines. Nothing Yvie and I did was gossip mag worthy, well it probably was, but no fame, no mobile phones and no social media means we got away with a cavalcade of 90's goodness. Coming up, my talent for saying and doing stupid things on air moves into my off air life as well. I reach peak level “pull ya head in” mode, after I launch a half page, potty mouth filled attack on a client, simply because she wasn’t keen on a commercial I did for her. So that's hideous and unhinged. I also get intoxicated and just casually drive my radio roomie Glenn to the bus stop for the trip to his new job, because, well it was the 80's, so no one really cared and clearly we were idiots. Plus someone farts in the booth while I’m on air, which really just seems like a fair assessment of my on air talents back in 1989 if I'm honest. So assume your favourite listening position, and prepare to be assaulted with more intricately timed diary entries, from someone who probably should have just put the pen down and walked away quietly, thank goodness I didn't huh.

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It's been eleven weeks of teenage me putting pen to diary and somehow I continue to fill each page with a catalogue of the inane and pointless, so it's probably a good thing that I've dragged my former workmate and bestie Ella Hooper in to help me talk through this weeks worth of entries. In this episode I'll finally get my tourist on and explore the Pilbara, I’ll watch and review a VHS video starring one of the biggest teen stars of the 80’s, endure the worst on air shift EVER, plus depression kicks in when I have to come to terms with saying goodbye to TWO of my radio workmates, when our sales girl Yvonne, and my radio roomie Glenn, BOTH announce they’re leaving Karratha in the same week. But am I sad they're leaving, or am I just terrified of being lonely, or is a little from column A, and a little from column B? All will be revealed within, so grab your headphones or ask your smart speaker to pump up the volume and have at it at your earliest convenience.

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How good is cake...apparently good enough for me remember it for a lifetime, or maybe I replaced the shock of losing a friend and taking his job, by eating all my feelings. Regardless, it's clear my feelings were...I should have some more cake. Obviously all of that will make more sense when my bestie Amanda, who was forced to work and share so much cake with me in the early 90's, joins me for this episode. You'll also get more teenage me writing off my on air work as being boring, and obviously I’m referencing the process of actually working as the boring part, but it's also a safe bet that anyone listening to me would be thinking the boring part was me attempting to be a radio announcer with only 10 weeks experience. I’ll also get blasé about a pending cyclone warning, get props for one of the commercials I write, attempt to jazz up my diary entries and fail miserably, and suffer through a sleepless night as I panic about the approach of my very first weekend breakfast shift. So grab yourself a piece of cake and prepare for another weeks worth of barely revealing and completely self absorbed diary entries. Mmmmm cake.

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It's safe to say that when my bestie MAK and I get together, we like to have a chat, so prepare yourself for a few tangents, detailed recollections and some VERY bad spelling that I can't even blame on teenage me...gulp. This week of diary entries is on the low side because someone decided to leave a few pages, pretty much empty, so Mr and Mrs Chatty Cathy thankfully manage to pad this episode out enough to make it our longest so far. Coming up, I host my very first dinner party, but instead of detailing it inside my diary, I'll instead make some flippant, low key entry that reveals bugger all aside from praising me and my efforts. I’ll also swap shifts with Glenn and ruin his new music show with my lack of research, because...no internet and the record companies didn’t send any printed bios with the new records in the mail, so I pull the clueless card. My two weeks of house sitting for my workmate Jan comes to an end, and I also giveaway a futuristic prize that was all the rage in the late 80’s. So get ready for a gentle wander through a forest full of tangents and a lot of laughs at my expense.

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