The key to true happiness is in finding something that you not only enjoy, but something that you're good at and that you can make a good living doing. If you try hard enough and you really put your mind to it, you'll be able to find that one thing that makes you feel completely fulfilled....even if your true love is trimming bushes into mullets and adding extensions to pubic hair.

For all those special Lesbians in your life, there's one gift that keeps on giving month after month. It's educational, entertaining and fun. You might even increase your vocabulary with all the fabulous articles you'll read in every issue. The best part about it is that a full year subscription to "Playboy" will cost you less than $20 per year. A veritable bargain.

Dating would be so much easier if everyone would simply pick up a package of "Hello My Name Is..." stickers and add all the attributes their future exes need to know. Would it kill you to just let everyone know up front that you're a stalker, that you're clingy and smothering, that you like sex on the first date, that you have mother issues or crazy exes still in your life? If you give great orgasms...don't forget to add that helpful piece of info, too.

It's Pride season once again and it's time to get out and celebrate. Break out those penis maracas, the electrical tape for your nipples and every bit of rainbow paraphernalia you can find. Take your half-naked ass over to your local Gay Pride event and don't leave until you've gotten your fill of the the Mojito pole dancers, or at least the phone number of your local neighborhood porn star.

What if it were really true? What if General Naduka really does have $16.1000 billion dollars from your dead relatives in Nigeria that you've never met, but that were killed in a wretched car accident three years ago? What if the good General has been looking for you..the sole living relative...for the past three years? Was that a unicorn that just flew by?

It doesn't matter how hot she is or how much you're in love with her. It doesn't matter if that man she's with is no good for her. That straight girl best friend of yours is off limits! The only thing that can come of it is to have one less friend...and an addiction to "General Hospital" that may last you the rest of your life. Of course, if she touches you first...then it's on.

There's a place where 1 out of 10 people are straight, the principal and most of the teachers at the school are Lesbians, and straight people are allowed to get married, but not divorced. The only problem is that every one of the Lesbians is an ex of everyone else's current wife, and all the kids have multiple mommies and step-mommies. It's also the new location for MTV's "Dykesey Shore".

It's a beautiful feeling to be a free-shitter. Someone that can take a dump no matter where they are. They can be on vacation, at work, at a friend's house or even out shopping. If the urge comes over them there is nothing stopping them from pinching a loaf wherever they are. Until one day when divine retribution finally comes calling...and their world is forever changed...

It's a beautiful feeling to be a free-shitter. Someone that can take a dump no matter where they are. They can be on vacation, at work, at a friend's house or even out shopping. If the urge comes over them there is nothing stopping them from pinching a loaf wherever they are. Until one day when divine retribution finally comes calling...and their world is forever changed...

There is a certain protocol to taking the red-eye when you fly at night. After going through the obligatory safety speech the flight attendants ask everyone to pull down their window shades and dim the lights so that everyone can sleep. Despite all the relevant clues...there's always bound to be some dimwit that continues to stay up chatting and laughing loudly all night long. You sit there getting more and more annoyed...until you realize that person is with you.