25 to Life

Adam and Taylor share an important announcement from the administration, Midwestern parents storm into Mexico ready to wholeheartedly accept anyone their daughter is dating, Brandon might fetch a ball if Michelle's parents threw it hard enough, Nayte tap dances his way around deep conversations but he might just be tall, Busy comforts Taylor during a particularly brutal breakup, and the climax of the season was recorded with the microphones inside a washing machine.

Adam and Taylor take a trip to Mexico to walk on the beach and recap exactly how we got here, Heyyyyy gurrrrl—Brandon's genuinely celebrating the 53rd consecutive best day of his life, Joe quietly lands the plane under the illusion of complexity, Nayte calculates the scientifically perfect amount of withholding to be before deploying his affection progression in a well-timed social trap, and Michelle drops her first "I love you" of the season.

Adam and Taylor run through a litany of forgotten villains from this season, Jamie transcends into a new dimension to explain to everyone how much their mind is being blown, Casey comes out of nowhere to kind of win the season, the couch interviews have no obvious purpose, Nayte is actually dairy good at butter sculptures, and Michelle's compliment sandwich is richly layered in the middle.

Adam and Taylor travel to Minneapolis to have hometowns on the go, at this rate Brandon could skateboard in the next Olympics, Rodney's best friend gets pretty emotional about sort of nothing, Joe's family hasn't figured out how to have a conversation yet, Nayte's family makes it pretty hard to take their advice and Brandon's transparency causes some power ranking disputes.*Taylor is completely wrong about her description of former president Garfield. Don't listen to her. 

Adam and Taylor recap several pieces of Bachelor Nation news, four of Michelle's students are extra ready for national television but not prepared enough to speak Bachelorese, Clayton performs unremarkably on Taylor's dream date, the first rule of creative writing is to find new ways to talk about creative writing, Martin is udderly unprepared for the manual labor of a farm date, Brandon's smooth-talking date style fits somewhere between "sugary" and "syrupy," Michelle's dad is never touching his swim trunks again and Nayte's dad probably doesn't want to talk about this episode.

Adam and Taylor get caught in the age-old Minneapolis/Milwaukee geographical trap, Joe runs the mmhmm humble mumble conversation game and gets away with it because he's beautiful, the producers turn down an obvious opportunity for violence in what appears to be a sign of personal growth, Adam doesn't subscribe to the current wave of "let's go" culture, Chris throws a temper tantrum (which is a bad look for a little guy), Nayte purifies himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka and Martin makes "females" sound like a dirty word.

Adam and Taylor play a game to list all of the things going on with one contestant's face, Brandon steps in to remind us that (Girl) Martin is like your science fair homework—a project (Baby), Michelle gets ignored on another ultraviolent group date that no one asked for,  Taylor takes issue with Rick's leg day enthusiasm, Chris S has a really active imagination about the intensity of his social heroics, and Adam says goodbye to his first true love of the season at the end of the road.

Adam and Taylor remember that they've been Braves fans all along, the guys all voluntarily take a a bunch of turns on a machine designed to produce vomiting, Martin shows off a mid-kiss glasses removal that completely changes the competitive landscape, no one wants poor Rodney to go streaking and Jamie does his best Elizabeth Holmes impression before running into the most satisfying comeuppance in years.  Actual information about Jamie's job: https://www.realbachelorjobs.com/jamie

Adam and Taylor write Taylor's epigraph together, Romeo knows everything about new math even though old math is back in, Taylor explains the least straightforward method to calculate percentage change, Adam impersonates Brandon's oversmooth light-skinned voice with 100% accuracy, the producers make Jamie escalate the intensity of his first date, Minnesota's Mr. and Mrs. basketball start a relationship that feels a little too perfect, and Jamie eviscerates the truth for no reason.

Adam and Taylor have a lot of updates that move everyone closer to the inevitable tragic cult ending, all of Chris G's talking is excessively poetic and quite unmotivating, Elizabeth Holmes is going to jail for voice fraud, Joe comes up with the world's least believable excuse for ghosting Michelle, Nayte pushes all kinds of alternative style buttons, Ryan brings an unorthodox test-prep approach to the show and Adam draws clear lines about the type of content that belongs on each half of the show.Look at these idiots while we talk about them: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-JzqHm_DcH3246kO0l3tkcZeEvXcxlM2/view?usp=sharingIntro video package analysis from @bachelordata: https://www.instagram.com/p/CVOfqGRPwC9/