Adam and Senka get bold about how real this whole thing is and it's brave, there are a lot of conspiracies this week, everyone is surprisingly ready for the Speedo portion of the date, Tyler G crawls around inside Hannah's brain, the roller derby date is a series of tailbone disasters, there are a number of thought experiments and someone spilled the nuggets. And it was real.

Adam and Taylor have a lot of verbal slack to pick up this season, Hannah is so "real" she doesn't even need to finish her sentences, the gentlemen receive superlatives based on barely any information, we have a commercial, you've never heard a Biscoff joke like this and there's a heart-shaped container we can't name where the Box King used to be.

Taylor's Bohemian Rhapsody reference: https://www.indiewire.com/2019/03/bohemian-rhapsody-bad-editing-video-essay-watch-1202051342/

Adam and Taylor barely survived that episode and no one knows what to say, it's a stretch but you can call what Cassie did "winning" (technically), Colton does a lot of fighting, Dave Rose pops in to explain the Global Financial Crisis, it's hard to explain feelings you don't actually have and the horrendous mistake of the Bachelorette selection overrides the entire thing.

Adam and Taylor have an actual special episode of the podcast (for 2 reasons), more montages summarize things it would be impossible to have missed by this point, Instagram is the point of being on this show now, Tayshia and Hannah handle their breakups very differently, Adam takes a mathematical approach to relationship strength and what if Cassie just isn't into him?

Adam and Taylor are replaced by a montage of what's already happened this season, everyone is talking at the same time about how they personally react to everyone talking at the same time, Demi is a certified monster who got shrunk down in a madman's chocolate factory, Caelynn still thinks she's winning and this whole thing is just an ad for ice cream.

Black or navy? (model is not actually Adam) https://bit.ly/2SHnnhe

Adam and Taylor go to Portugal and get simultaneously pensive and suggestive, Tayshia's been hiding something (but it's not her body), this podcast turns into an episode of Boy Meets World for a while, Cassie can't figure out how to say no and it's making us all uncomfortable, but this really could end about 100 different ways.

Adam and Taylor both have rants about the programming that precedes the Bachelor, it would be appropriate if we just copy/pasted the description from last year's hometown dates, Caelynn files paperwork to transfer her Mrs. America sash across state lines, Tayshia is the only contestant with an actual-sized family and Cassie didn't respond to a request for comment on this episode.

Adam and Taylor have finally come face to face with "the right reasons" and Taylor coughs in it, Tayshia names names, Caelynn was probably lying about her snowboarding experience too, Adam uses two of his college minors, Hannah B. forgets other people have their own free will and Heather picks the worst time to decide to leave.

You too can be a surgeon: https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/medline-scrubs-labcoat-unisex-knee-length-white/ID=prod6350089-product

Adam and Taylor say goodbye to almost half of the contestants, Colton and Hannah G. have a chemical reaction in the middle of a mud bath, that terrible date idea is actually called "vovinam," Sydney sinks into a really deep personal hell, Kirpa mimes her way through a 1-on-1 date and you should cover your mouth when you listen to this episode.

Demi's sex trap, reinterpreted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFmgEUA_smc

Adam, Frank and Brittany barely survive Heather's first teethy kiss, Elyse ends her own road in the absolute best clothes she owns, mother nature proves to be more powerful than any makeup, Tayshia obliterates her percent, you can't spell love without B-O-A-T, Colton and Cassie teleport into bed and Brittany misses the Kirpa appeal.