Adam and Taylor cry in their own hometowns for a change, Hannah Ann is technically the same age as other contestants but no one believes that, Kelsey cries into the wine again, Madison's hiding a secret behind her father's bangs and Victoria ruins her data so badly that only an idiot would give her a rose.

Adam and Taylor teach 28-year-old Peter Weber the biggest conflict of every single human life, Madison breaks her vow of silence to disclose a vow of chastity, if Natasha cried more when she found out Peter hated her she'd still be in the game, there's never a dry eye in Kelsey's life and confidence kills Kelley.

Adam and Taylor take a minute to appreciate Jason Weaver, it's finally time to talk to Hannah about the A word, Peter tells Victoria P. not to let her percent hit her on the way out, Victoria F. doesn't know how to describe her date but it's an inexact combination of nondescript highs and lows and Tammy probably wants to fight you after reading this.

NSFW: https://www.instagram.com/p/B8NJ-QhpHvz/

Adam and Taylor take a minute to appreciate Jason Weaver, it's finally time to talk to Hannah about the A word, Peter tells Victoria P. not to let her percent hit her on the way out, Victoria F. doesn't know how to describe her date but it's an inexact combination of nondescript highs and lows and Tammy probably wants to fight you after reading this.

NSFW: https://www.instagram.com/p/B8NJ-QhpHvz/

Adam and Taylor take a trip to Costa Rica to pick up a nasty gash, some other pilot shows Peter how it's done, Kelsey cries, Kelley comes dangerously close to losing her nothing-to-lose attitude, Kelsey is still crying, Peter doesn't know how to handle bad contestants and Kelsey hasn't stopped crying yet.

Peter's accident (plus reenactment): https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/a30758494/bachelor-peter-weber-golf-cart-face-scar-video/

Cosmopolitan's letter from the editor: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a30718890/cosmo-editor-in-chief-bachelor-challenge/

Adam and Taylor welcome Jarreau into the Friend Zone to cry about this mess (sponsored by the greater Cleveland area), Victoria F is afraid of reading this episode description, but if we're lucky she can bravely get though it, Chase Rice's dumb resume beats your resume, the scorekeeping of this football game is suspect, never commit to a timeline in a lie, Alayah used the internet to get back on the show and we actually ended up at the beginning of the road for once.

More fun with Jarreau: https://www.instagram.com/seizethedaywithj/

Adam and Taylor invite some special guests to talk about nothing happening, no one can pronounce any words, Peter seems tired, Victoria P. has to face a fun fact about her childhood that no one asked for, who keeps inviting Fred Willard to this show?, Sydney alayahs a trap for an idiot to walk into and Kelley is hopefully going to puppet Peter into some shorter jean shorts.

Listen to Kurtis and Antonette on Downsizing: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/downsizing/id1475493722

The Age of Instagram Face: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/decade-in-review/the-age-of-instagram-face

Taylor and Jo contend with what might actually be the most dramatic season ever, debate whether Hannah and Peter should get back together, remind each other to always leave a note, and discuss the value of a Revolve influencer sponsorship.

Adam and Taylor make instant, uninformed and firm decisions about 22 strangers, one of these contestants is from Adam's real-life hometown, take a second and try pronouncing "clothier" on air, Peter brings a girl home on a first date to ... watch his parents make out and someone needs to turn down the fan on this obstacle course.

View/download the first night worksheet here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1E2_zN0ViMnQbvffYdu5NmDQnSnFHDIfD/view?usp=sharing

Adam and Taylor recount the massive destructive effect of one person's lies, the good part of the show is over super early, the kimono opens up to show us the messy aftermath, Jed actually meant that he wanted to "hang out with Hannah for the rest of his life," Tyler is taking the shortcut to saying the right thing and why does anyone watch this show?

Jed's jingle: https://twitter.com/BetterBowl/status/1141711463586893824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw