Just to be 100% TRANSparent, this is NOT an officially sanctioned “Chronicles” episode. However, it is the time of year for the TRANS-Siberian Orchestra (featuring the “Savatage Brothers”) and we felt compelled by the power of the holiday season to delve into the realm of HAIR METAL and reflect back on one of the least desirable (yet often most satisfying) subgenres of metal alongside memories of poon from the days of yore with the kinds of girls you would “meet once at a party and never talk to again”. Really, the entire objective of hair metal was to give actual metal heads an “in” to attaining money, drugs, and (especially) poon back in the day. 

Dust off your “gloves of shame” and get ready to “rip the band-aid off” and “power through it” because it’s time to “hold hands”, discover some “stall appropriate noises” for the next time you’ve got to “deuce” and JOIN US as we get into the good, the bad, and the horrific of HAIR METAL.

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Show Notes:

(00:01): “Yeah…yeah…yeah…”/ #audiolightning / ***WARNING: #listenerdiscretionisadvised ***/ “…like with girls who just turned 18…”/ ***WELCOME BACK TO THE METAL NERDERY PODCAST!!!*** / #thisepisodescideroftheepisode #StrongbowCider / “Preacher’s collar…or Snake Bite?”/ #onmicburp #uhhhhkay / Thanksgiving summary / “Apparently, if you don’t shower for long enough…all the mucus turns into an extra layer of skin…”/ #gamey / ***IF YOU WANNA SKIP THE NONSENSE, GO TO #THEDOCKET IN THE SHOW NOTES!!!*** / #RussellsReflectionsThanksgivingEdition / “Do y’all sit around and get shitfaced now?”/ “That sounds like when I went to the Beach Mountains awhile back…traversing a mountain…”/ “That is so hard to watch now…”/ #MacysParade / “There had to be a time in human history when that was entertaining…”/ #simulationtheory #blackandwhitehouses / #WizardOfOz / “Stop me if I did this the last time…”/ #Terrifier3 (NOTE:  This is at least the 3rd time and at least the 3rd episode that Russell has mentioned Terrifier 3…) / #goreporn / “One of the first things to creep me out in horror…”/ “You can’t kill people during the day and you can’t listen to metal during the day…”/ “Are we ready?”/ ***PATREON SHOUT OUT*** / “You’re not sounding good there, Mr. Trump…”/ “3.2 Trillion dollars in cuts, they said they’re gonna make…”/ ***If you wanna hit us up with requests or correspondences on the #socialmedia you can do so at #Instagram #Facebook #YouTube #TikTok , or email us at [email protected] or you can GIVE US A CALL AND LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL AT 980-666-8182!!!*** / “Can you imagine Elvis and Peter Steele doing a duet?” / #WREKage has events!? / #TransSiberianOrchestra #ChristmasMusic #SavatageBrothers

(21:07): #TheDocket METAL NERDERY PODCAST PRESENTS:  HAIR METAL!!! / “This is not an official, sanctioned #Chronicles episode…”/ “Why not shit on #hairmetal ???”/ “I think it brings back memories of poon from days of yore…”/ “She’s the kinda girl you should meet once at a party, do anal, and never talk to her again…”/ “He was into babies?”/ “We’re way off…”/ #Bulletboys SMOOTH UP IN YA (Bulletboys – 1988) / “Thank ye…”/ “I need a bonfire and a bottle of #BoonesFarm …”/ “I always thought it was Smooth Opinion…”/ “There’s nothing worse than R.E.M.”/ “You have to be really careful when you say ‘I enjoy When The Children Cry…’”/ #WhiteLion WAIT (Pride - 1987) / “Dude, you’ve gotta rip the band-aid off…”/ #allthebuttons / “C’mon, crank it!”/ “You guys know way too much of this shit…”/ “That was the way to get poon back in the day…”

(30:38): “How about a palette cleanser?” / #QuietRiot LOVE’S A BITCH (Metal Health – 1983) / “That IS dark…”/ “Dude, we’re not asking you to play Lick It Up, in it’s entirety, with no breaks…”/ #easybakeovens aka #airfryers / “Let’s go back to bad…just play that fuckin’ thing…”/ #Europe THE FINAL COUNTDOWN (The Final Countdown – 1986 ) / “You’ve gotta power through it…”/ “Why don’t y’all listen to thrash, like cool people do?” / #Trixter ONE IN A MILLION (Trixter – 1990) / “They were at the end…”/ “How about the first Twisted Sister album?” / #TwistedSister SHOOT ‘EM DOWN (Under The Blade – 1982) / “Now that sounds like early 80’s metal…”/ “I guarantee you the girls in those crowds were showing their tits…”

(40:07): #Firehouse WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES (Hold Your Fire – 1992) / “Crank it man…”/ “Y’all wanna hold hands?” / “We should all touch cocks…”/ “I got the palette cleanser…”/ “Is Guns N’ Roses hair metal?” / #GunsNRoses ROCKET QUEEN (Appetite For Destruction – 1987) / “They were sleazy…they weren’t pretty…”/ “Alright, something really bad…”/ #DefLeppard POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME (Hysteria – 1987) / “I think he’s wanting her to squirt on him…”/ “That one’s the worst…”/ #BonJovi YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME (Slippery When Wet – 1986) / “This is pre-Black Album Bob Rock…”/ “What’s the most #hairmetal thing by bands we like?”/ #MotleyCrue KNOCK ‘EM DEAD KID (Shout At The Devil – 1983) / “Once Bitten, Twice Shy is my Final Countdown…”/ “I used to be in White Balls…”

(54:44): “I’m not sure I know this…”/ “Chip is not a birth name…”/ #EnuffZnuff FLY HIGH MICHELLE (Enuff Z’nuff – 1989) / “We should be watching the videos for these…”/ “I’ll bet you do…” / #markthetime / #Nelson AFTER THE RAIN (After The Rain – 1990) / “Imagine if they had pigtails…”/ “You’ll see the sodomy?”/ “That’s a different solo…”/ “Point of contention…this is what I hate about multiple edits…”/ #fulllength / “This has kinda been fun…a little bit…”/ #Whitesnake HERE I GO AGAIN (Whitesnake – 1987) #radiomix #dentistofficemix / “You can tell just like that?”/ NOTE:  the key to telling the difference between the 2 versions is the chorus, neither of which we made it to. Go listen to them bolth and judge for yourself…/ “You can’t #unlisten to something…”/ “Do you think Tommy Lee can play piano with his dick?”/ #chopsticks / #Cinderella DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT (TILL IT’S GONE) - (Long Cold Winter – 1988) / “Would you play this to get laid?”

(1:05:55): “I think Winger got shat on unnecessarily…”/ “Let’s watch a little bit of the video…”/ #headset / #Winger HEADED FOR A HEARTBREAK (Winger – 1988) / “They’re stompin’ their feet to keep time…”/ #BeavisASMR / “Here comes the YEAH…check this out”/ “Do you think they charge by the hour or by the load?”/ “I feel like he’s guessing to throw people off…”/ “Sorry, I got a little squeaky there…”/ #cringiest #Poison UNSKINNY BOP (Flesh And Blood – 1990) / “You know they still play it because they have to…”/ “That was the whole objective of #hairmetal: money, drugs, and poon…”/ #FasterPussycat BATHROOM WALL (Faster Pussycat – 1987) / “That’s Guns N’ Roses Lite…”/ #BritnyFox GIRLSCHOOL (Britny Fox – 1988) / “Is that Brian Johnson?”/ “It’s like Paul Stanley with a throat infection…”

(1:16:34): “We’ve gotta look up some bad ones…”/ #PrettyBoyFloyd I WANNA BE WITH YOU (Leather Boyz With Electric Toyz – 1989) / “At schuul?” / “I feel like every producer back then…needed drugs to get through it…”/ #RoughCutt BLACK WIDOW (Rough Cutt – 1985) / “Hey man let’s go in the studio and use ALL of the reverb effects at the same time…”/ “That’s actually kinda cool…”/ “Dropped a deuce…”/ #LMAO / “We’ve gotta finish with a few strong ones here…”/ “What are they then!?”/ The formula for hair metal / #Ratt BACK FOR MORE (Out Of The Cellar – 1984) / “It sounds heavier than your average hair metal…”/ “There’s nobody else that sounds like Stephen Pearcy at all…” / “OMG I’m not a leftist douchetard, I love metal and I love my country…”

(1:25:51): “Was it really hair metal though?” / “What are we closing this with?”/ “Aerosmith?”/ “Wait a minute, he’s got Lita pulled up…”/ #LitaFord KISS ME DEADLY (Lita – 1988) #uhhuhhh / “This was on Footloose, for sure…”/ “This song is almost metal…Joe Perry had already left the band at this point…”/ #Aerosmith LIGHTNING STRIKES (Rock In A Hard Place – 1982) / “That sounds like Orion in the background…”/ “That’s about as memorable as you get…”/ #KISS ALL HELL’S BREAKIN’ LOOSE (Lick It Up – 1983) / “It’s gotta be the video…”/ “Is this the #glovesofshame one?”/ “See that? That one’s gotta be played…”/ #Autograph TURN UP THE RADIO (Sign In Please – 1984) / #lasernoises / “28 million views!? That’s crazy…”/ “At least we played some KISS, that’s what matters…”/ “He doesn’t flaunt it…”/ “I’m ready to go trolling for poon now…”/ #PoonPatrol #untilthenext THANK YOU FOR JOINING US!!! #outroreel