EricaJenniThe chaos you missedHaving a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-timeDo people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriagehttps://bsky.app/profile/infinitesexy.bsky.social/post/3lcxskqdmoc26Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosisBeneficial nematodes: are they really that good?How to pronounce "iykyk."Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.Going extreme on the melismas.The Saying Hi Chamber.Shazam chastising you for singing.100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect.Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now.Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.Caking Bad.A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats.Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.Eusocial mammals.Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth. A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen. Intervertebral red shift. EBF, EFF and EP.Wake windows and contact naps.Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding! Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual. The poop potato who has opinions. You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor. All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby. Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil. Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit.Anthrocyanins.Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.The most domesticated mammal: man. Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them. Old ladies? In my duct work?Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there Poop Songs for Roy.Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work. The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist. Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish. The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic. Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches. Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad. The Poem is Entertaining. Speculative fiction about soviets invading.The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks. Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.Xennial Warrior Princess.Everything's more true when you're wearing pants.The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby. The legend of Shrimptaur.Hide in the discord and never post. Finally writing the tweet that's going to make John Hodgman unfollow you 
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