We're back for 2019, and on the off chance that we didn't have enough of them already, get ready for a couple new Johns. Specifically, we're celebrating Epiphany with Of Hildesheim's 14th-century book on the Legend of the Three Kings, which also introduces us to Prester. How weird is this one? Well, Chris highlighted an entire page from top to bottom, so believe us, it's a rollercoaster. Plus: Li'l Fat Jesus!!!!

Topics of discussion: Benito getting yelled at about the historicity of Jesus, church cusses, Women's Christmas, the Christmas Dragon and his poem about your faults, Balaam, Dismal Downs, B^F, 316 Covered Street, Skull Mountain Kisses, a great Apple, The Coins, Raw Balm aka Lazarus Pit Juice, St. Helen's traveling reliquary.

Hymnal: "Princes of the Universe" by Queen

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!