Welcome to my Anonymom series.  Real moms talking about their deepest and darkest moments - anonymously.  Anonymom episodes may consist of difficult topics including miscarriage, infertility, separation, anxiety, depression, trauma, and other potentially triggering issues.  Names have been changed to protect the identity of the mom.

This episode features Amanda, who says she never really wanted to be a mom, then as she got older and decided to try to get pregnant, struggled with infertility.  She talks about...

- her postpartum depression and how she felt trapped in her new life

- how her depression manifested as rage at times, especially when sleep deprived

- dealing with a colicky baby, having no family or social support, and finally getting help 

- how she deals with the regret and shame of lost time with her daughter, and also how she feels stronger than ever because of these experiences

This podcast should not be substituted for legitimate mental health treatment.  If you or a mom you know is struggling with mental health difficulties during pregnancy, postpartum, or beyond, contact Postpartum Support International at 800-944-4773 or visit www.postpartum.net.  If you are worried about your safety or the safety of a loved one, please call for help immediately at 911 or by reaching out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.