40 Is Coming

Ignorance can be bliss, the time between when something went wrong and when you found out something went wrong. But what happens your bliss is rudely interrupted by reality and you discover that things are not going to be okay unless you get help.

At this point in my life, I realize that there are two kinds of 40-year olds: those who have experienced at least one humbling moment where they weren't as smart as they thought they were, or that things around them weren't as certain as they thought...and people who have never had such an experience.

One advantage of experiencing a humbling moment, is the knowledge of what it feels like - as an adult - to need help.

It's one thing to need help. It's another thing to want help. But to ask to for help? For many of us, asking for help is an entirely different matter.

Are you someone is comfortable asking for help? In what settings and circumstances do you find it harder to ask for assistance?

How good are you at accepting help? Do you ever feel obligated to return the favor as soon as possible? Do you try to "pay it forward?"

What level of gratitude do you expect when you are the one who provided help to a stranger who asked you for assistance?


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By 40, many of us have experienced being on multiple sides of expectation-acceptance dance.
Many of us had childhoods that were defined by the expectations of others. We saw how their acceptance and approval of us was often determined - or withheld - by how much we met their expectations, or how much we resisted and went against them.

And this social reward/punishment system continued into multiple aspects our adult lives, whether we are known by a few hundred people, or by a few million.

Those of us who are fans of sports believe in the power of athletic competition, and the personalities and performances of athletes to tell a story of who we are, individually and collectively. So as U.S. 2023 World Championship Gold Medal sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson reclaimed the attention and applause of the world this month, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what we've learned at this stage in our lives from the times we've been the one placed on a pedastal, knocked off the pedastal, and fighting for the chance to get back on top of the pedastal once again.

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Taking an episode to celebrate the impact of the semi-strangers in our lives. They are not the super famous figures who had an impact on our lives. They are also not the super foundational people who have close, personal connections to us and to our life story.

They are the people in the middle. We may not have known them well, but they made an impact on us, they played a role in our lives, and their legacy matters.

Who are the semi-strangers in your life? How do you celebrate the impact they have had on your life and preserve their memory?

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When you're young, ignorance is bliss. By 40, more often than not, ignorance is just expensive. And what's even more expensive than ignorance? Procrastination.

Those things that we know we should not put off, delay, and ignore but we do anyway. Whether because of fear or fatigue, denial or distractions, being overwhelmed and/or underpaid, most of us have some area of our lives where we have been warned and informed that there's something we need to address and we have yet to do anything about it.

Sometimes, we have less time than we think, the future comes faster than we expected, and we're left stuck with the consequences of our choice to put off to tomorrow what should have been handled today.

Each day is a opportunity to create new possibilities for our future selves, to reignite relationships and realities that have become stagnant...to get unstuck.

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When was the first time you knew you were adult? When you moved out on your own? When you took over paying the bills for older/younger loved ones? When you accepted responsibility and accountability for your actions?

One of the things we all come to realize is that there are levels to adulting. One key level of adult life is being able to identify and prioritize the essential components of our lives. The relationships, habits, beliefs, and possessions that allow us to survive and navigate our days.

What are the parts of your life that cannot break?

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Have you ever found yourself disconnected and detached at the kind of party you used to enjoy, with people you used to be comfortable with, in a space that you used to look forward to going to?

When was the first time you remember feeling isolated, alone, and/or invisible in a space full of friends,family, neighbors, or coworkers? When was the most recent time you felt like this?

How do you navigate the times when you are required - or feel responsible - to stay in environments and around people who don't resonate with you?

How do your social habits differ when you're planning an event for someone else vs. when you're deciding how to engage at an event you're just attending?

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Do you love to travel on your birthday? Are you the kind of person who needs to take some sort of trip - whether across town or across the globe - as part of your birthday festivities?

But sometimes life happens, and we have to adapt and adjust, and expand our definition of what a getaway can be.

Do you find that you still feel pressure to have plan big birthday trips, have Instagrammable birthday events, and make big birthday plans you can talk about when someone asks you what you're doing to celebrate?

Do you have space for the small, simple, short moments of joy?

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Does anyone else feel the strange pressure to look young on the day when the calendar is literally reminding you that you've never been older?!

At this stage in your life, are you finding that how you think and feel about your body on your birthday is more about how well your body is actually doing, or more about the expectations and opinions from friends, family, and/or society about what your body should look like at this age?

At a deeper level, how is the journey with your body going at 40? How has the way you use your body, talk about your body, treat your body, and think about your body changed over the years?

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How often have you looked at a situation, looked around at the people with/near you, and decided that you were going to have to be the one to make sure that things didn't go bad on your watch?

What are the muscles you've built from the times when you've had to go it alone and get it done by yourself? What are wounds and scars that came as a consequence of not having anyone by your side?

How have your life experiences affected when you're willing to step up and step into a situation? Are you finding yourself more cautious in offering support to be by someone's side? Who do you allow to step into your life and support you?

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When did you start weighing the tradeoffs between a good night's sleep and a good night out?

For many of us, turning 40 means that our preferences have shifted in when we find the time to have a good time.

Everything from where we are willing to go, when we are willing to go, how long we are willing to stay, who we are willing to go with, and what we are willing to wear.

At this stage in your life, what are your requirements for going out? How do you balance the joy of spontaneous outings with the inconvenience of unplanned events?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

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