You can disagree without being disagreeable—yeah right. Not these days!

We’re stuck in this tribal mentality, where it’s less about what you believe and more about toeing the line of your “team.” It’s as if we’ve traded rational, independent thought for this knee-jerk reaction of following whatever beliefs our group holds.

But here’s the thing: If we want to get back to having real, meaningful conversations, we’ve got to break out of this mindset.

Let me take you back to an example of what real debate used to look like: Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley Jr. These two guys were as far apart politically as you can get. Vidal was the quintessential liberal intellectual, and Buckley, the conservative firebrand. 

Their debates in the late ‘60s were intense, and yeah, they got personal—at one point, Buckley called Vidal a “queer” on live television, and Vidal shot back with “crypto-Nazi.” Not exactly what we’d call polite conversation. But underneath all that heat, there was substance. They were engaging with real ideas. They weren’t just parroting talking points from their respective teams; they were thinking, challenging, and sharpening their viewpoints in the process.

Now, look at the political landscape today. It’s less about the exchange of ideas and more about shutting down the opposition. We’ve all seen it—whether it’s on Twitter, cable news, or even around the dinner table. People shout over each other, throw labels, and end up more entrenched in their beliefs than before. America is divided in a more violent way that it has been since the 1960s.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Take a cue from Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neill. These two were on opposite sides of just about everything. Reagan was the conservative icon, and O’Neill, the liberal Speaker of the House. They fought tooth and nail during the day over policy, but when the work was done, they’d grab a drink together. 

They didn’t see each other as enemies. They saw each other as people who cared about the same things—just from different perspectives. Imagine that today! Even when they fiercely disagreed, they kept it about the issues, not about taking personal jabs or making it a win-lose situation.

The big takeaway from relationships like Reagan and O’Neill or Vidal and Buckley is this: They didn’t let their differences destroy their conversations—or their respect for one another. Somewhere along the way, we forgot how to do that. Today, it feels like the second someone hears an opinion that challenges their beliefs, they immediately go into attack mode. Why? Because we’re not listening to understand; we’re listening to respond.

When you actually listen to someone you disagree with, you’re not just doing them a favor—you’re doing yourself a favor. You’re growing. You’re sharpening your own beliefs. You’re gaining perspective. And believe me, this isn’t some fluffy feel-good idea—it’s a practical skill that will make you smarter, sharper, and more resilient in everything you do.

Look, I get it. It’s comfortable to stay in our echo chambers, where everyone agrees with us, and we don’t have to challenge our views. But that’s a fast track to intellectual stagnation. When you never engage with opposing viewpoints, you stop thinking for yourself. You end up just repeating what your group believes, instead of critically evaluating the ideas you hold. 

So, how do we start having these real conversations again? It starts with a mindset shift. First, we need to drop the notion that every conversation is a battle to be won. It’s not. In fact, the minute you go into a discussion with the mindset of “winning,” you’ve already lost the opportunity to learn something. 

Second, we need to be willing to ask ourselves hard questions. Am I holding this belief because I’ve thought it through? Or am I holding it because it’s what my tribe believes? There’s nothing wrong with questioning your own stance. In fact, it’s how you grow.

Let’s bring it back to basics: Independent thought. Listening to understand, not just respond. And most importantly, disagreeing without being disagreeable. If we can do this—if we can step away from the tribal mentality and start thinking for ourselves again—we’ll not only elevate the quality of our conversations, but we’ll also become better, more thoughtful people in the process.

Why do I bring this all up? Well, this week’s guest on Wealth Formula Podcast is a lot more liberal than me and, while I agreed with some of his ideas, others left me completely befuddled. But, rather then react violently, I did my best to try to learn his perspective as an expert on real estate policy and challenged him where I thought necessary.

09:50 What is the National Housing Conference?

12:21 Current Housing Market Challenges

15:49 The Impact of Rent Control and Price Fixing

22:01 First-Time Home Buyer Assistance Programs

28:24 Insurance Challenges in Real Estate

34:47 Strategies for Increasing Housing Supply