In this episode, we plunge headfirst into the murky origin story of the so-called “First Thanksgiving,” which, shocker, was never the peaceful, kumbaya potluck the picture books promised us. We back up to the Brownist roots of the Pilgrims, trace their flight from England to Holland to the “New World,” and track the cheery stats—like how nearly half of the 102 passengers on the Mayflower didn’t survive the first winter. (Nothing says “holiday tradition” like death, starvation, and a colony being held together with prayer and someone else’s food.) We also go ahead and spotlight that cute little fact about the Pilgrims robbing Native graves because nothing pairs better with religious piety than looting the neighbors.
Then we turn to the Wampanoag—people who had been thriving on this land for 12,000 years before the English stumbled ashore acting like they discovered a new continent. We break down how the Wampanoag didn’t just help the Pilgrims out of charity; it was a political alliance, a strategic move in a world already devastated by epidemics brought by earlier European contact. They taught the Pilgrims how to grow food, navigate the land, and stop dying every five minutes, and in return… well, we all know how that relationship went once the colonists got comfortable and started believing their own propaganda.
Finally, we take apart the myth itself—the Disneyfied 1621 feast we pretend is the “First Thanksgiving” and the far bloodier thanksgiving of 1637 after the Mystic River Massacre, when English colonists, alongside Native allies, obliterated the Pequot. Because apparently nothing says “thank you, God” like celebrating a massacre with a government-sanctioned feast. This episode digs into the uncomfortable truth: Thanksgiving didn’t begin as a feel-good story. It began as a mix of survival, manipulation, violence, and centuries of historical sugar-coating. So grab a plate, pull up a chair, and let’s ruin the holiday together—because nothing pairs better with your grandmother’s sweet potatoes than the bitter reminder that America’s warm-and-fuzzy origin story was stitched together with grave robbing, political desperation, broken alliances, and the kind of violence we now politely cover with cartoon turkeys and discounted Target décor.
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